Stepson wants more from late father

I did trisher. I have him his great grandfather's antique gold pocket watch, which is worth more than the other personal effects DH had . He also came over to go through DH wardrobe. I did not withhold anything from him. I also offered him DH huge valuable stamp collection, which he didn't want and which I gave to my daughter & SIL

Some people think the worse because I'm the 'wicked stepmother'. Not true. I actually have always bent over backwards to make him feel included and respect he's the eldest.

I can't make up for the divorce which happened when dss was under 1 year. He never knew his parents together, but he had a family with us.

Of course OP shouldn't give anything to SS!
He will inherit from his mother. Her children will inherit from theirs.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

Sigh...he's already been bequeathed a large sum in his father's Will. Does nobody read threads properly?

I read the thread properly Ana, whilst I am sorry for true blue's bereavement I really do think the step son is not seen as a member of her family, yet she has been a step mother to him since he was six

OP has not said anything about cutting off SS. She can still be apart of his life.
But he has recieved his share of his fathers estate.
He will now inherit from his mother.
OP is the only mother her children have and they will inherit from her.

Or should SS mother give money to OPs children as well?

I read properly. I read that the stepmum doesn't much care for a child to whom she did not give birth.

Of course what still remains in the estate after the mum passes should be divided by 3, the couple had 3 children. The dad provided a bit, no result to the mum's estate.

The dad was a solicitor, he should have known what happens if the parent to the "step" dies first. He should realize to what happens in blended families and what is fair. But he made no provisions for the remains and I doubt his wife is forced to do so either.

If trueblue22 actually meant what she says here "I actually have always bent over backwards to make him feel included and respect he's the eldest. I can't make up for the divorce which happened when dss was under 1 year. He never knew his parents together, but he had a family with us." and considers him family, she'll include him in the final division.

If you had died before your DH trueblue22 would you have expected your DH to leave his money shared equally amongst his 3 children? I assume you would not have wanted him to favour his first child above the children you had together. Why then is it Ok for you to favour your 2 children? If you really believe his son is a part of the family show it by sharing 3 ways.

He's 40 for goodness sake. Why does he need more handouts?
My 2 DSS's won't inherit anything from me, if my DH dies first.
They're both adult children and after their mum died, they received their inheritance including substantial cash and the family home that my DH paid for.
DH bought a small flat for himself and met me a few years later and we now have a DD together. Apart from any specific bequests that my DH chooses to leave to the older two, I expect my DD to inherit everything after I die.
I have an excellent relationship with the older two and I'd be astonished if they were as grabby and insensitive as the OP's DSS appears to be.

OP, I'm sorry for your loss. Your DSS is behaving appallingly for a grown man. Don't pander to him any further and just focus on yourself for now. If he continues to hassle you, firmly tell him to get lost. You definitely don't owe him anything.

So sorry for your husbands sudden death and maybe things will seem clearer after a little while I d not do anything in haste
This is a hard one as I can see it from both sides
If I ve read correctly they divorced when he was 1 year old and you say 'he never knew them as a family together but he had a family with us '...... do you mean you brought him up as your eldest son ( you also refer to yourself as his step mum so I m thinking this was so) if that is the case and all three children were brought up together as siblings why wouldn't they all be treated exactly the same?

If he was brought up by his mum or mum and stepdad away from your family I think that is entirely different

People say he ll inherit from his Mum, well not necessarily his mum may not have anything she may have disappeared from his life we don't know these details
I think it all impinges on whether you had two or three children in your family set up
I m sure it's your anger of the situation but it does come across very divided ...my children would never do this or that, he does take on the persona of the infiltrator in your family set up

DSS was brought up by and lived with his mum & stepdad. He stayed with us every other weekend.

His mum comes from a wealthy family and I'm sure was left comfortably off by her parents.

I didn't see so much of him later but he regularly went to football with his dad.

I have been remarried 28 years now. We each have two children. When one of us passes away the other spouse lives on the rest of the money until they pass away. THEN the four children can split what's left over. We worked hard for what we have . Our children can do the same.

I'm sorry for your loss but your SS will have to wait . You need money to live out the rest of your life.

As trisher has mentioned had you died first then you would have expected your Dh to divide equally yet you won't be doing the same your two children will have over the years received a lot more emotionally and financially than his first son they lived with him

Well sounds by that added information as if he's fine
I d just let it all lie and try to not let your anger and upset overtake your care and love of your memories
Shock will still be playing a big part and will hopefully gradually dissipate
You have done what your husband asked of you and he's had his bequests

My own three children had not a cent .... nor even a memory I have no idea whether his second family were left anything or not He was divorced from their mum too but was closer to his second two children as he was living near them we are in a different country... they didn't even get a keepsake For I know he may not have died with a penny either I have stayed friendly with all his family but they don't talk about his business
Anyway I would rest that you ve done all you should do

Many children from 1st marriages are jealous and resentful, it's kind of understandable. However, it sounds as tho your stepson was helped a lot along the way. Stick to what your husband wanted and do not be bullied, seek legal advise if needs be. Unfortunately death brings out the worst in so many people, they focus on what they can gain.

True Blue condolences on your tragic loss. I think you have responded correctly to your step son and this is something to do in slow time when you are ready. You are relatively early in the grieving process and there is much to sort out and overwhelming emotions to deal with. Focus on what you need to do to get through the next weeks and not judge your step son who is also grieving as are your children. People grieve in different ways and sometimes the grieving process brings back all sorts of emotions for years ago personal to that person. Acknowledge this - cut some slack but stay focused on your own well being

This always seems to become a headache once someone dies.. I remember a time when my gran passed away, she had told my parents that when she passes away that her sapphire wedding ring be given to me as the oldest granddaughter. She spoke this in front of the other siblings who also had children. When she died, my aunt took the ring for her daughter (and later sold it to gamble).. I never ever got bitter about it, nor did my parents. Because even though it was her request, she was worth more than any ring could ever be. I cherish the school holidays that I got to spend with her.

I am sorry for your loss and the additional upset relating to you step son's inheritance. If he has had the money his father intended for him and his choice of personal possessions then he has had enough. As you say his own mother is wealthy and he may inherit from her too, why would he ask for more? I am sure he wouldn't expect his mother to make any provisions fo your children, family can only extend so far.

He has had the same as his siblings, as decided by his father, so no unfairness there, he has had other personal choices. It may well be that you choose to leave him something later should a cordial relationship between you continue, no one knows what the future holds in that respect. If contact does not continue then that is the end of an era. He is a grown man and not dependant upon other people's money.

You have no idea whether or not your money will be needed for your own care and if there will be anything left for bequests.

It is far too early for him to be asking such questions and rather insensitive.

I think you should split your will evenly so that all your children and your stepchild all get the same. Why treat them differently?

trueblue Life is very difficult for you at the moment and you could do without this upset. But you and all his children are grieving his loss and at times like this people are prone to over react to all sorts of perceived 'wrongs'.

DH was executor for an uncle and aunt where there was a child from an earlier marriage. Her father listed specifically in his will what in the house belonged to him (he had moved into his second wife's home) and was to go to his daughter. When we cleared the house we gave her everything on the list, plus anything else we found that was clearly her father's, but she demanded things not listed in her father's will and when we said they were not in the house she accused us of theft.

We grinned and bore it, because we understood that this acquisitiveness was an outward sign of the difficult relationship she had with her father and his second wife and was her way of reclaiming her father through reclaiming everything he owned that she remembered from childhood

Treat your stepson gently trueblue, he may not know it but may be doing something similar.

First of all I'm very sorry for your loss when you had so much retirement together in front of you. May I offer the other side?
My daughter told me a couple of weeks ago that she didn't expect her father to leave her or her brother anything in his will. She supposed he'd leave everything to his 2nd wife and their son, her half-brother.
I thought that was really sad
a. That she'd thought about it
b. That it added to the 'invisibility' of 2 of his 3 children

Sorry to stir, but if the OP's DH was a solicitor he knew perfectly well what he was doing. If he left money to the OP, it is hers to do what she will. I know fairness comes into it, but it is still her own dosh to dispose of as she wishes, after the considerable bequests to his offspring!
True, try to ignore your SS as he is the sort who will never feel that he has been fairly treated. I know having been the injured party on the death of DM; siblings took everything, even things promised to my DCs... the fall out was horrible, and I no longer speak to siblings as each time I open my mouth, pure acid comes out from theirs.

Your husband obviously provided for his son in the way he wanted to. It's not your fault if the son didn't get as much as he wanted. It was your husband's choice and he will have had his reasons.

As I said before. Tell your step son to get lost .....be more or less polite as you wish. He's money grabbing.

Or you could tell him you'll change your will to include him and then leave him £1. He'll leave you alone because he'll think he's got his way and you'll still be splitting your estate in the way you want to.

I'm sending you a hug op as it sounds like you need one.
Wills, money and chattels bring out the worst in some people.
It sounds like your step son had a great relationship with his father. He was helped along the way financially and in kind and your husband has left provision for him in his will. What you choose to do in your final will is really your business. I wouldn't make any decisions in grief though.
I got absolutely nothing when my father died apart from his darts! My step mum gave away his clothes and tools to her brother!! I was very hurt but they were only things at the end of the day. I'm not driven by money, just aswell as I don't think dad had any!
Good luck with your decision ?