Stepson wants more from late father

I sense a lot of animosity towards the step son anyway. I really don't know why the OP has created this thread, she just wants everyone to agree and tell her she is right.

Perhaps trueblue you have decided your money will go to your 2 birth children and nothing to you step son, you may have some discomfort about your decision but you have decided ?

Both those things could happen Norah.

How? GracesGranMK2 I see the 2 factors totally at odds.

Anyway, every parents is to support their own child, it is not strange to pay maintenance or schooling.

As I can't see why you would think that it might be easier to answer if you explain why you do Norah.

From what's been said, the father has left equal amounts to each of his children. Now each mother (1st and 2nd wife) will leave the money they have (some of which came to both of them from the father) to their own children. It does sound quite fair put like that.

Step families are generally complicated and without knowing all the family background, it is difficult to say what is fair.
I'm a widowed mother and stepmother. My family is complicated and as all the assets I have come from my work and and my parents, and my DSC do not talk to me, I see no reason to leave them anything.

Just had a long ranting email from dss saying, among other hurtful things about me, that he would have expected his dad to split his estate 50/50 leaving half to me and other half to 3 children.

If DH had done that, I would have to downsize to a small flat and have not much to live on. Anyway, we had only just moved last november to our smaller 3 bed semi to be near our daughter & gc.

My DS doesn't recognise the things DSS says about me. DS also thinks his brother is trying to divide us. He's right, because I want nothing to do with my DSS for quite a while. My children can have their own relationship with him!

I feel so upset and wobbly today.

Perhaps, as well as dealing with the grief for his father he has to face the fact you do not think of him as part of the family , difficult for him after over thirty years of thinking he was ?

OP cut contact with him. You do not need to deal with this from a money grabbing brat.
Send one more message saying not to contact you for the foreseeable future and surround yourself with loving and supportive people.
I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this.

Maybe he'd like you just to move into a hostel straightaway?

A 40 year old man with his background (good education, help towards buying property, free accommodation whenever he wanted, and a £60,000 windfall from his father's estate) should be supporting himself, not circling round his elderly relatives like a vulture. Has he always been so entitled?

Anniebach and the perfect time for him to grill the VERY LIVING OP about her WILL was right now? When the dirt hasn't even settled on his fathers grave?

He has a mother. That's not the OP.
Family is more than what money you can bleed out of them.

"......among other hurtful things about me, that he would have expected his dad to split his estate 50/50 leaving half to me and other half to 3 children. "

He would have expected his dad... Well, his dad thought otherwise. DSS, get over it.

He is getting at you at probably one of the most vulnerable times in your life. He needs to be told where to go and the quickest way to get there. And don't respond to any more of his communication, email, phone, whatever. His Dad made the decision that he did - end of.

Most people would take the view that a widow's needs come first, before adult children. You can't go back to work and earn a living from scratch, many possibilities are closed to you because of age. Being widowed is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and it is something that - I'm convinced - no one understands unless they've been there.

I've been there, although happily remarried now. I would have told DSS to shove off rather than getting involved in an online discussion. He has what his Dad decided and wanted him to have. Dad's decision, not yours.

You never know how damaged children are by what their parents do or fail to do, or when this damage may be exposed. Perhaps your DH had been less than truthful with him about what he intended to do and he is just asking for what he had been promised. Your DH wouldn't be the first man to say one thing to one person and something different to someone else.
Do you really need to share what he says with your DS isn't that just creating more conflict and disagreement?

I think the OP needs all the support she can get from her DS and others who will support her, trisher. She shouldn't be suffering this abuse in silence, especially as she has been so recently widowed.

Why is death of a spouse more difficult to cope with than death of a parent? If he at forty needs to get over it so does the widow ? No, grief doesn't work like that, we do not know how close this son was to his father, trueblue has her children, her step son seems to have been cut out of the family, a family he has been part of since he was five .

Possibly this is not him being a money grabber but a person who wants to be part of the family and can't come to terms with the fact he is not,

Annie, this man was left a substantial sum by his father, and had also been helped to buy a home. The OP has also given him a valuable personal item of his father's.

If it hadn't been for him pestering the OP about what she intended to do with the residue in the future nothing more would have been said - he's brought any cold treaatment on himself.

Sometimes when people find something hard to say they focus on something concrete they can discuss. Perhaps instead of saying 'I always felt left out' and 'Why didn't you treat me the same as your DS' the step son is asking if he will be financially provided for.
I think there is substantial evidence in the posts that he was regarded as a burden and his relationship with his father was resented.

I think the same Trisher

I haven't noticed any indication that he was resented or considered a burden in the posts. But Annie has her views and I have mine, so we'll leave it at that.

(I meant of course I'll leave it at that!)

Arguably he has lost his father twice once when his parents split-up and now by death. He must have so many thoughts about what might have been. You could say that although the OP must be suffering greatly from her loss at least she had the years they were married and together, he had a life without his father.

I do think that's a bit dramatic - he had his mother and a stepfather. He was involved in his father's life to a certain extent.

I wonder how his stepfather feels, knowing that he's obviously not good enough, despite havng brought him up for most of his life?

Ana, we know nothing of the second marriage

Ana do you nothing there is implied resentment in
1) My DH left made a huge settlement on his first wife and son when they divorced 40 years ago. She got 75% share of the house and received regular maintenance. He also contributed 50% of school fees for 12 years. My dss will inherit from his mum, most of which was as a result of DH contribution.

(2) His mum comes from a wealthy family and I'm sure was left comfortably off by her parents.

I got 100% of a house from my ex when we divorced and maintenance for the children. Of course the house was mortgaged but someone could say much the same of me. Not the wealthy family though and I have worked and paid the mortgage myself so it maybe isn't the huge gift it seems