Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

Soop, it's so nice to see you in the Argy. Is it a shock to your system after your own lovely clean kitchen? You do get used to it after a time.
Thank you so much for taking the time to bake for us.

Oh! There you are Lemon! Yes! I was going to mention, we've had quite a run in the Drambuie today. Very popular drink! So I've ordered a case for tomorrow, have to keep the punters happy.
Anyhow, who's taking over this bar, I'm only part-time and I've been here all day, on me feet.
Chewy's sleeping it off in the corner with Justin and I need to get Hubert home. He's racing tonight, if he can see straight after that barrel of best butter he polished off round the back.
I'll be back tomorrow! You can pay me at the end of the week.

Well, it certainly won’t be a Drambuie day Bam as I see we have none left.Funny that, what a coincidence eh?

Soop, I've sold all your delish cake as per instruction from Lemon. Few customers barfing in the loo at the mo. But that's not unusual here is it. Have to go, Chewy's banging her glass on the bar. Saying "sod the boss" think she's got a taste for the Bishops now. It's going to be a rum day.

That was Hubert the camel ( something comatose) he broke into one of the barrels out back and drank the lot!
The upside down cake is no longer on the rubbish heap, Bam brushed it off , sliced it, and has already sold most of
It to lunchtime customers ( hope they don’t die.)
Those are not rats! They are feral ferrets.
Keep up the baking, it’s making us some money.?

A foaming pint of Bishop's coming up!
I'll keep a watch out for your boss whilst you put your feet up!

Anya, I always try to keep a promise. The upside down cake (one containing old cat hairs and scraped off the floor) is on the rubbish heaped in the corner of the Caf. I couldn't find an in-date topping in my cupboard (can't be good at everyfink.) You'll not notice once the mildew takes over. To be honest, I couldn't find a more fitting place to leave it. Stumbled over something comatose on my way in. Didn't bother to check for a pulse. Better things to do! Enjoy, and use any leftovers for the resident rats. They are not too picky.

It'll have to be a quick half bambam, I'm supposed to be working but, as you're twisting my arm, make it a pint of Bishop's Finger please. scans furtively around the room to see if boss is in a corner

Oh! Good afternoon Chewy! Would you like to partake in a little refreshment while you're here. I can recommend the sliced Haggis if you're a bit peckish.
Hubert has indeed got the hump. He spat at Jasper the rug dog and Lemon have him a piece of her mind.

Bambam that camel of yours isn't looking too happy. Think he's got the hump! boom boom kertish

Sorry about Hubert spitting. He's usually very sociable but I don't think he knew what that marmalade coloured rug was until it moved. Sorry Jacob!!
I'll take him back home when I find him, he's gone walkabout.

I'll get to work right away Lemon --have to be more careful with the Drambuie, she's onto me--Now where's that smelly tea towel?
The haggis slices and cake look delish now I've brushed off a few dead fleas poor little fellas I've sold a few already.
Who's the guy in the vest? Looks a bit of alright to me.

Don’t forget to put out all the haggis slices and upside down cake that soop kindly baked for us,( but charge for it, we need the cash!)

Sounds like perhaps you should be paying The Argy rather than the other way round Bam? our Drambuie stocks are rapidly vanishing.
Please take Hubert back where he came from as Jason doesn’t like being spat at!
Otherwise, welcome, you will find an apron under the bar, and plenty of glasses to polish up on that dirty old teatowel, so get to work.?
,

I'll nip home and get my revealing sparkly frock and dangly earings. That should make me fit right in ere!
Where's Hubert gone now??

That's a shame about the fleas but Part time Barkeep sounds right up my street (whisper: can help myself to a few crafty Drambuies at the same time)
Ahem! So when do I start?
Looks a bit quiet in here at the mo, I could nip down the cellar and stock the bar up (help myself to a few Strong Brews at same time). Ave i got the job then?

Steady on Bambam ? we have standards tha knows, Drambuie only comes in classy half pint glasses.
Sorry to tell you, but we no longer require a flea trainer, as they all sadly ( ahem!) snuffed it.
Still, you sound as if you will fit in well here at The Argy, so how about joining the staff? we need part time barkeeps, cellar staff, dog walkers, ferret catchers, laundrymaids ( Big Jim gets through a lot of vests) cleaners, cooks, and bottle washers, what do you fancy??

Seems no-one is home. I'll just park Hubert around the back and help myself to a pint of Drambuie Shandy till I find out if I've got the job.

Hello Argh Bargy folks! I've come over on my camel to apply for the flea trainer job. I'm very well qualified, my Mother is a Bearded Lady in the local circus and my Brother gets shot out of a canon, daily (but that's another story).
Show me the little blighters and I'll soon have them ship shape.

Actually Marydoll I can vouch for Chewy not being anywhere near Big Jim last night.
Anya it’s ok, I rather like our marmalade coloured Alsation, it suits him ( more than I can say for your verdigris hair mind you.) No more fleas, hurrah, I will now stay for a mid morning snifter.?

Chewy, have you been up all night, partying? You rarely surface at this time in the Caff.
I hope you were not with Big Jim, you know what happens to anyone who tries to steal MY man!

Actually Ana, that's a vast improvement on the mutt. At least it smells better now. though what lemon will say is another thing all together

Yuk! Just come to. Thanks a lot folks you might have warned me that the ‘rug’ was some flea-ridden, stinky-breathed, old mutt. It’s taken all the pine disinfectant I found behind the bar (oddly enough labelled ‘Green Chartreuse- what on earth have you been drinking?) to rid me of the ‘visitors’ and my hair has turned a funny shade of, what can best be described as, verdigris ???

It was just as well the ‘rug’ woke up just before I was about to shove it in the washing machine of a boil cycle!

Having no more disinfectant left I had to use bleach to get rid of his little friends so you might wonder why he’s sort of a marmalade colour now. At least he smells better.

Sounds a bit cruel to the fleas if you ask me!
I think they would prefer to sprayed with DDT.
However, I will have a word with Marydoll in the morning about it.
Ouch! one of the little buggers just bit me!Right, that’s it!