Splitting the Costs

My next door neighbour occasionally takes me out for coffee or something to eat we split the bill usually or every so often I pay to say thank you, as for parking I have my blue badge so don't often have to pay but if we do I pick up the tab I think it's only fair

It's all about sharing - the enjoyment and pleasure of being together, and the costs of making that happen. If you have a 'friend' who is clearly doing all the taking, then it's up to you to evaluate what you understand a 'friend' to be. You could (and should) take the car to the petrol station on the way to your venue and make it clear how much you have had to pay to fill up; likewise, you could mention over lunch that you are having to tighten your belt as the car insurance/tax is due. There are many ways of dropping large hints that you need some financial contribution if that is what you want, even if this is just in the form of a cup of coffee, croissant, parking charges etc. It's no good getting worked up about being taken for granted when it's down to you to be blunt with people who are either insensitive or just downright skinflints. Suggest the bus next time, on the grounds that the petrol and parking charges are becoming too much for you. You will soon see who is your 'friend'. However, you also need to consider whether you are being 'repaid' in any other way, for example, does your friend help you in the garden, invite you round for afternoon tea? The whole issue of social exchange is fascinating and showing appreciation for a lift into town can be done in other ways than a parking payment or lunch - for instance, by being given a home-made cake every now and then or fruit from the garden. We have a holiday home abroad and always hire a car whereas other friends who also have property there and spend more time there than we do, do not have their own transport. We are more than happy to give lifts to friends into the local town/supermarkets etc., and don't expect anything but do end up with lots of reciprocity - oranges, lemons, nuts, being asked over for tea etc. Everything needs to be got into perspective. By the way curlilox - disabled people generally receive an allowance to help them be mobile (my own mother receives the same). Your disabled friend sounds like a scrounger! Make sure you're busy the next time she wants a freebie journey to the hospital.

I have a friend who drives but expects me to use my car, she also suggests visiting places some distance away but doesn't offer to pay parking, for coffees etc. Another group of friends always insist on clubbing together to buy my lunch as I have the largest car and usually drive. I don't expect it but it shows how thoughtful they are.

A simple solution is to purchase petrol station gift cards as a 'Thank You' gift if a relative or friend have had to drive you, either a long distance or short trips but on a more regular basis.
People are generally happier to accept this as a gesture than the offer of cash.
Many stations sell them or even the supermarket gift cards can be used at their own fuel pumps.

Meant they are just tight

Put a purse with money for parking etc in glove compartment and ask her to get the change out and go and pay for parking etc . Sometimes these people who pretend not know cost of petrol etc are just right. I would also not pay for their lunch if they don't reciprocate...just tell them that you will pay for yours...and leave her to buy hers. It is obviously concerning you as you have put it on here. AND if they offer say 'yes please'....driving is expensive and sometimes exhausting

When I go to stay with my daughter she picks me up at the station and drives me around while I'm there so I always pay for petrol when she tops up during the week. She is on a pay as you go for gas and electric so I always put a bit on each before I leave as I will have been charging my phone and tablet and having showers and doing washing.

pay

Always parking fee, if I can get there first!!'

I have a friend who is disabled. Sometimes she asks for a lift somewhere eg hospital appointment, or we go somewhere together. She never offers to pay for petrol or parking. Once I found out she had scrounged money for a taxi from another friend and then asked me for a lift to the hospital and I had paid for parking!

When my son or daughter have been been really helpful and won't take money it has cost them, I secrete some paper money where it can be found but not identified as mine - or buy a little gift

If I dont drive, I always pay for the parking and treat my friend to lunch, she protests, but I win! makes me feel so much better not having to drive, we both enjoy our outings.

Lemongrove Offering to pay is lovely, but definitely not as good as paying if the driver is on a limited budget.

I hate driving, but I take my turn to even the costs, or ensure I buy drinks, parking fees etc.

When we were having coffee 2 men made a bee line for us and my friend said "Remember, you're deaf and I can't speak English", well they paid for the coffee and left. They must have thought that I was mad because I couldn't stop laughing.

My friend does driving every week. I have car and hate it. I get parking tickets, pay for coffee sometimes, to give a couple pkts of fav biscuits or chocolate cos they don't take money. Every few eels. It works.

I don't exactly agree but do understand your point. I see it that most days I go somewhere or other, alone or with a friend. So if I'm alone I use my car, pay for parking, lunch or whatever. Makes no difference to me if I've got a passenger.

The only occasion I thought 'hang on, this is crazy' was when a friend was going on a cruise & rang asking me to pick her up & deliver her to the liner! I was caught on the hop, said ok ... Put the phone down & worked out that it would take me at least 4 hours to do this.
So I checked on parking costs for her since she's a driver. Immediately rang her back and said sorry but have changed my mind & she could drive etc etc. But if she didn't fancy doing that (!) could either of her daughters do this favour. She called back saying she'd organised mini bus collection & delivery to the ship with the cruise company. Brilliant! We are still friends and I think she knew that it was a ridiculous ask! but was trying to save her pennies to spend on Hols.

Naughty naughty ....

There are some people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger and live just a little bit better. These are friends, they are their when we need them.

Thats exactly what I do if one of my friends is driving. I might also add I have lots of friends that do just this too.

Exactly the offer is every bit as good as paying. Thank you

Thats exactly my point. Thank you

The main thing here is you offer and that makes such a difference. If my friend offered I course I wouldn't take it - but it would be nice if they just did that. But to sit there and expect me to pay is another thing. Thank you for your comment.

I think a friendship review is in order. What do you consider friendship to be? Why do you go out of your way for these people? Is there anything positive in being in their company?

My friend and I take turns in using our cars. If we go North she picks me up and if it is South I do the driving. Whoever has change pays the parking or we split it. We always share the price of meals. We usually like the same things.

I know, before we became friends, she had a friend who had a car but never offered to drive and she was ditched.

We always say at the end of the day "do I owe you anything"?

I have a friend who doesn't drive and always buys the coffeees even if we are only going short distances.
I have another who has had lifts to hospital,airport etc and never offers anything.

I would set off without the necessary change to pay the parking. Then,feigning surprise, just say "oh dear, I haven't got any change, have you?"