Splitting the Costs

MiL does exactly the same - sits in the car while I pay for road tolls, get the parking ticket and fill up with petrol. And all this is after a 4 hour round trip when she has enjoyed our hospitality for a week!
As you say, it would be nice if she offered or bought me a coffee at the destination.

Oh dear, I feel guilty. I regularly go out to lunch with my friend and she insists on driving. We share the lunch costs but absolutely refuses to allow me to contribute towards petrol costs - not that we go far, but it's the principle. I treat her to lunch when there's a good excuse [she can see right through me!!!] but she's adamant on other occasions to pay her way. I frequently offer to contribute towards fuel [not every time I admit] but the answer is always no thank you. I buy her what I think to be good quality birthday presents - but again hers to me are more imaginative

goldengirl I think offering to pay is what it's all about, even if the offer is not accepted.

Yes, an offer to pay is as good as actually paying up.
I feel the same as you Nanny123 and would always offer the parking money.
I think older people who never drive ( like a MIL) just don't think! Although they should pay for a meal out if they have stayed a week with you.?

My friend and I regularly enjoy a ladies day out.
One of us drives, and the other pays for coffee and cake at the destination.
We pay for our own lunches.
As we alternate the driving responsibility, it works very well.

I do think a big part of the problem is that people who don't run a car fail to realise the costs involved.ie: petrol/parking/tolls etc the offer to pay towards costs should be made I feel even though it is nearly always refused and if refused you should make the effort to present flowers/lunch etc at a later date.

My mum was the exception, bless her. I took her shopping twice a week when she was still able and to appointments. She would insist on giving me £10 per wk for fuel and wouldn't take no for an answer, she also frequently paid for our coffees.

I have an ex friend, you notice I say ex She would take it one step further than instances mentioned above.
When we went out for an evening where we usually had a meal she would slurp back the G&Ts while I had soft drinks ( me driving) then we would split the bill!!
She got the heave ho.

I would set off without the necessary change to pay the parking. Then,feigning surprise, just say "oh dear, I haven't got any change, have you?"

I have a friend who doesn't drive and always buys the coffeees even if we are only going short distances.
I have another who has had lifts to hospital,airport etc and never offers anything.

My friend and I take turns in using our cars. If we go North she picks me up and if it is South I do the driving. Whoever has change pays the parking or we split it. We always share the price of meals. We usually like the same things.

I know, before we became friends, she had a friend who had a car but never offered to drive and she was ditched.

We always say at the end of the day "do I owe you anything"?

I think a friendship review is in order. What do you consider friendship to be? Why do you go out of your way for these people? Is there anything positive in being in their company?

The main thing here is you offer and that makes such a difference. If my friend offered I course I wouldn't take it - but it would be nice if they just did that. But to sit there and expect me to pay is another thing. Thank you for your comment.

Thats exactly my point. Thank you

Exactly the offer is every bit as good as paying. Thank you

Thats exactly what I do if one of my friends is driving. I might also add I have lots of friends that do just this too.

There are some people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger and live just a little bit better. These are friends, they are their when we need them.

I don't exactly agree but do understand your point. I see it that most days I go somewhere or other, alone or with a friend. So if I'm alone I use my car, pay for parking, lunch or whatever. Makes no difference to me if I've got a passenger.

The only occasion I thought 'hang on, this is crazy' was when a friend was going on a cruise & rang asking me to pick her up & deliver her to the liner! I was caught on the hop, said ok ... Put the phone down & worked out that it would take me at least 4 hours to do this.
So I checked on parking costs for her since she's a driver. Immediately rang her back and said sorry but have changed my mind & she could drive etc etc. But if she didn't fancy doing that (!) could either of her daughters do this favour. She called back saying she'd organised mini bus collection & delivery to the ship with the cruise company. Brilliant! We are still friends and I think she knew that it was a ridiculous ask! but was trying to save her pennies to spend on Hols.

Naughty naughty ....

My friend does driving every week. I have car and hate it. I get parking tickets, pay for coffee sometimes, to give a couple pkts of fav biscuits or chocolate cos they don't take money. Every few eels. It works.

When we were having coffee 2 men made a bee line for us and my friend said "Remember, you're deaf and I can't speak English", well they paid for the coffee and left. They must have thought that I was mad because I couldn't stop laughing.

Lemongrove Offering to pay is lovely, but definitely not as good as paying if the driver is on a limited budget.

I hate driving, but I take my turn to even the costs, or ensure I buy drinks, parking fees etc.

If I dont drive, I always pay for the parking and treat my friend to lunch, she protests, but I win! makes me feel so much better not having to drive, we both enjoy our outings.

When my son or daughter have been been really helpful and won't take money it has cost them, I secrete some paper money where it can be found but not identified as mine - or buy a little gift

I have a friend who is disabled. Sometimes she asks for a lift somewhere eg hospital appointment, or we go somewhere together. She never offers to pay for petrol or parking. Once I found out she had scrounged money for a taxi from another friend and then asked me for a lift to the hospital and I had paid for parking!