Malapropisms, etc.

My mother could never get the hang of 'bifocals'. She said 'boficals' or 'fibocals'. She knew she always had it wrong, and we had many laughs about it

My MiL thought that fornicator meant liar or cheat. In Her opinion every one was out to cheat her. Including, postman, electrictions. Plumbers etc. When my SIL heard her she told her what it meant. My MiL was so Victorian that she was horrified

We miss my MIL's howlers. She went for a walk down to the village and passed an old house which was in a state of disrepair. When she came back she said it was a shame it was so 'defatigated'. She watched me trying to work out how make curtain tie backs from a piece of cord and when I finally worked it out she announced, 'She's mesmerised it!'. Happy times.

My aunt was wonderful at malapropisms:
Hypodeemic Nurdle.
Strawberries come in a plunket.
She wanted to know where Lesbia was, as she'd seen graffiti saying 'Mary Poppins is a lesbian'
A dirty old uncle 'grabbed me on the goolies'
It was never a dull moment with her around!

A lady I used to work with years ago who suffered from tinnitus......used to always say it's me tittinus playing up agen!

A friend of mine often referred to another friend as being a very “articulated” person.

A friend's mother used to sleep in a 'divine' bed and substituted the word 'turbine' for 'turban'.

An older woman I remember from my childhood (she was probably younger than I am now!) once described someone as suffering from "shitsofrenzia." She also once said she saw a field full of penguins when she meant magpies!

When my Nan was alive I had taken her to a carnival, I asked if she had enjoyed it and she said it was ok but far too many " maisonettes".

My friend was discussing Indian takeaways with a friend of hers. Her friend said "Oh I love Indian food; my favourite is chicken tigger".

Ages ago my poor old MIL (always hopeless with names) was told that DH and I were going to buy a new sofa. She asked us if we'd been to MI5?

We had a lovely old neighbour who described any attractive landscape scene as 'pictureskew' , and would remark darkly 'Let's just call it tepelathy!' at any appropriate coincidence.