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'Unspoken' forum rules?

(274 Posts)
Imperfect27 Sun 08-Oct-17 16:06:16

To my mind, this, like any other public forum is a 'free space' for us all. I have posted over many years, on many different forums, but never before encountered what seems to be an applied undercurrent of 'pecking order' based on longevity of membership. Maybe this is peculiar to GN. I truly do not know, but I am not imagining it. These seem to be the unspoken rules that SOME want GN to run by:

Long established posters may exercise the right to post sharp comments without apology or explanation.

Newbies must forgive this, but not respond (most likely because they 'don't know the back story to that poster's life.' )

Newbies should not have the audacity to suggest that someone may be out of order.

If Newbies want to disagree with established users, they are making 'accusations' and must provide evidence for any points raised.

PM - ing anyone is 'talking behind someone's back.'

If a newbie writes frankly and openly - in a polite way, they are still 'overstepping the (hidden) mark and it is ok for someone more established to take them to task about it.

Gransnet should be understood as a 'club' and new members should not comment on how it operates. If they do they can expect to be put in their place.

I am not being fascetious here. I genuinely want us to chew this over. These are the messages that I think do SOMETIMES get sent out. Is this what other people believe to be the case?

Christinefrance Sun 08-Oct-17 16:29:39

I think you are right to an extent Imperfect27 but some of the long standing members have gone now so its not quite so blatant. Having said that though I think GN has become a bit bland of late, not so much cut and thrust apart from political threads.
I don't think there are the 'cliques' so evidently on here now.

kezia Sun 08-Oct-17 16:41:59

As a lurker but rare poster then I'd agree. It's one of the reasons that I post so rarely - I have no desire to be jumped on as I've seen happen to others. Initially I wanted to see how things operated before posting and once I'd got some idea tben I went ahead with my first posts, which were totally ignored!
So now I read but very rarely post

MamaCaz Sun 08-Oct-17 16:45:46

I can't say I've noticed this myself. Some posters can be quite passionate, blunt, harsh, rude even,in a way that I suspect few would dare be in real life, but I think they are usually that way with anyone who says something they don't like/disagree with, regardless of longevity of membership. I could be wrong though!

CherryHatrick Sun 08-Oct-17 16:51:21

I lurked for a while as well kezia, and it became obvious who to avoid responding to as they always wanted the last word. grin

Marydoll Sun 08-Oct-17 17:00:05

I discovered GN about 2 years ago when I was very ill and looking for ways to fill my time. My first impression was that there was a "pecking order" and a clique mentality. As a result, I was too afraid to post when I saw how some people were treated. I found it difficult and lurked for a while.
The games threads were my way in, despite some posters making snide remarks about them.
I do think it is much better nowadays, but I stick to the gentler threads, boring I know.
However, I'm probably contributing to the fact that GN has become a little bland recently by not getting involved in some of the threads, but I have no desire to stick my head above the parapet and be shot down in flames. I have enough to deal with presently.
As for PMs, I made two new friends on GN, after they PMed me. Nothing unpleasant, just laughing about some of our posts, so there is a place for PMs on GN.
GN is no different from society in general, there will be people you like and those you you don't hit it off with. You just have to live with it.

Jane10 Sun 08-Oct-17 17:01:53

Like Imperfect perhaps? Whether or not she realises it!

Jane10 Sun 08-Oct-17 17:03:08

That was in response to Cherryhatrick's post

Alima Sun 08-Oct-17 17:16:24

Marydoll I am flabbergasted that you feel/felt afraid to post. I lurk on the Argy thread and cannot believe the shenanigans on there! I have been thinking that you were one of the newer 'netters' who has taken to it like a duck to water and blown Imp's arguement sky high. Apparently I am wrong again!

Imperfect27 Sun 08-Oct-17 17:17:28

Jane I am someimes anxious to be understood correctly which can mean I get a bit wordy / clumsy even. That is not the same as wanting / needing to have the last word.

maryeliza54 Sun 08-Oct-17 17:24:06

Jane lovely example there of how people like you make some others feel. Perhaps instead of a sharp little post like that, you might try to engage in a more grown up reflection of why some people feel the way they do.

Jane10 Sun 08-Oct-17 17:25:14

Maryeliza54 check the other thread.

Anniebach Sun 08-Oct-17 17:26:13

Try it maryeliza

maryeliza54 Sun 08-Oct-17 17:27:00

Here's another rule

Do not disagree with or correct a post that is deliberately misleading as this is bullying

maryeliza54 Sun 08-Oct-17 17:29:27

What other thread? If you mean the Jingle one, you are welcome to it and I thought there was a formal rule about threads about threads - oh sorry, I forgot the informal rule that states

Established posters may choose which formal rules they wish to follow

BlueBelle Sun 08-Oct-17 17:33:32

I spent well over a year actually not even looking in or lurking because I wanted badly to post but felt it was terribly cliquey and I didn’t belong at all I felt there was a group who always backed each other, had in jokes, and all though I had a lovely welcome I felt ignored after that I certainly felt I didn’t belong at all However one day I decided to start posting and if it wasn’t received well I could always disappear permently, I think by that time the cliquiness had subsided a bit and I started being ‘ very brave’ and posting, .... for a while I didn’t dare look if there were any direct replies, but gradually I came out of my shell and now do post as and when I see fit ( quite a bit really)
I avoid the politics as I m very one sided but probably not as knowledgable as many so normally don’t join in there for fear of getting completely slapped down but I do go on most other threads and enjoy the Tv chats we have
I think it is calmer and far less cliquey than it used to be and that suits me, I don’t find it boring at all
....and I ve made a lovely friend through a personal message and I hope one day we ll meet but in the meantime we have a good bit of banter about our lives which seem to have been a bit twinlike

Riverwalk Sun 08-Oct-17 17:35:54

Imperfect you're obviously referring to support for Jings on another thread.

You need to be reminded of how sympathetic she, and others including me, were to you back in January 2016 when you first joined.

www.gransnet.com/forums/health/a1222367-Stress-induced-illness-advice-pelase

Kateykrunch Sun 08-Oct-17 17:41:17

Its like the "do you want a 5 minute argument or a 10 minute one". I agree there is lots of snipping and abrupt posts, I consider what I post due to this as if someone is feeling a bit raw or down I dont think some of the responses are very helpful, so I am careful with what I post having been 'bitten' before. Kindness, respect and compassion is all thats needed, so watch it you lot or you wont come on the GN's trip!

Day6 Sun 08-Oct-17 17:48:36

It must be me but I can't say I have noticed it really.

I come here with a "Hail-fellow-well-met" approach, and I am a bit like that in real life too. I don't come looking for arguments but I tend to say what I think and I appreciate others think differently.

I don't like rudeness but I don't mind people being blunt. Personal attacks aren't nice.

I haven't been here very long and I haven't worked out where the cliques are, although there is a left wing body on the Politics forum who tend to appear together, always, to back each other up. They dominate because of lack of opposition, but that isn't their fault. That's about the only close group I recognise.

Other than that I think most people are fair and pleasant, and often extremely compassionate too. Many, many posters are extremely wise and offer brilliant advice.

I may be missing something but I don't really see any pecking order.

Imperfect27 Sun 08-Oct-17 17:50:56

Wow, l don't know how to access my old threads. I have often posted about how kind some people here can be. However, very early on l also posted on the AIBU firum and, at a time of vulnerability, was surprised and fistressed by some 'unhelpful' replies l received there. I saw the same pattern of sharpness and insensitivity from some repeated on other threads. But this isn't about 'accusations' ... In starting this thread l truly did not 'obviously' have anyone in particular in mind and just wanted an open and reflective discussion. Several people seem to be expressing anxiety about posting and have seen the site as cliquey. GN is what we make it.

Marydoll Sun 08-Oct-17 17:51:45

Amila, I'm flabbergasted that you think that about me. The Argy is just an escape! smile. It takes my mind off a lot of things.
Should I perhaps, re-invent my self?

Baggs Sun 08-Oct-17 17:56:23

Fixed that for you, imp. Your version is about your interpretations.

Long established All posters may post sharp comments without apology or explanation.

All posters can be sharp back if they like but not be surprised to find their assumptions are challenged cos they didn't know the full story.

All posters can suggest that someone a comment may be out of order.

If anyone wants to make claims about other posters they should provide evidence for the claims just as they would in "real life". Otherwise it might be seen as malicious gossip (just like in real life).

PM - ing is private messaging.

If a newbie a poster writes frankly and openly - in a polite way, that's fine.

Gransnet forums should be understood as discussion forums.

phoenix Sun 08-Oct-17 17:58:50

Ahem, long standing member here, actually won a prize (Nintendo thingy!) for being one of the first to sign up! (does that make me GN Mafia? confused

GN is, and should be, open to all. Yes, of course we get the odd occasional person who seems to be very confrontational, but so would you in life.

I have had the misfortune to be the survivor (NOT victim) of some lovely member who saw fit to print off a post and send it to my boss in th mail, obviously with the intention of making me lose my job. (Which, I may add was a job that I got after many "wrong turnings" after redundancy).

However, I'm still here, still posting, and still donning the tin helmet when people don't quite get my meaning! Such is life!]grin]

(Phoenix wanders off humming Gloria Gaynor "I will survive" with a slight undertone of Elton John's "I'm still standing")

Baggs Sun 08-Oct-17 18:03:06

How do people know their posts are ignored? Not getting direct reply doesn't mean a post has been ignored. It could just mean that it is sufficient unto itself and doesn't seem to need a reply.

Anniebach Sun 08-Oct-17 18:04:55

I was very surprised that one poster telling another poster to get off a thread was allowed .

The reason 'the other side' do not post on the politic threads is quite simple, they have been driven off by the far left posters, not all but most far left posters