lunch

Just make sure you’re out at lunchtime! (With your own packed lunch, obvs!)

This man obviously has not been trained properly. I suggest you write up a basic cookery book with a dozen on so suggestions for lunch along the lines of ‘get bread, add butter and preferred filling and slot both piece together’ progressing by gradual degrees of difficulty to ‘find can, open it, heat contents and pour into bowl’

Simples!

Oh heck. Are we supposed to train them?

So that's where I've been going wrong.

Of course they need training Merlot - I started quite early on when my fairly new husband uttered the immortal words ‘I’ve done the dishes *for you*’

I’ll leave you to guess how the conversation progressed but it started with me replying FOR ME ????

Oh, I’ve heard that one so often Anya. Although my reaction was the same as yours, somehow the message didn’t register. Alas these days it doesn’t happen anyway, but I suspect the same words would be uttered.

My husband does the shopping, based on an agreed menu and list. I’m disabled and since he retired he is my primary carer (whilst waiting for a hip replacement). We have always managed our own breakfasts and lunches, tea gets cooked by whoever is the most able and available, we both have activities some evenings, so are not always available. It’s like everything, give and take works, flexibility is key. I don’t see why any man has the right to insist on the servitude of his partner, it’s about time he moved into the second half of the 20th century, if he can’t make the leap to the 21st!

See I dont think of it as "servitude " I like caring for my family ...and that included making my husbands lunch.I have a friend who sometimes bravely calls me a doormat...because I do the things she doesn't ..iron ,cook etc.I'm not nor have I ever been either a servant nor a doormat.I have a lot of respect for the man who I share my life with and who works his socks off for his family.If I can make HIS life a wee bit easier by taking over the things I'm good at why wouldn't I? Theres no rule book that says we all have to do the same jobs ...he does things I dont want to or cant .We dont all have to live our lives the same way.I'm perfectly happy living mine the way I do.Its not last century in my house to care for someone ,sad that it appears to be in some of yours.

Just Google in "Retired Husband Syndrome" and you'll find tons of pages indicating you are not alone nor unreasonable to expect/hope/pray that your husband will manage to cobble together his own lunch.

The downside to this, as many will testify, is that men manage to utilise every pot, pan, casserole dish, plate, saucer, knife, fork, spoon, the food-mixer, the toaster, the microwave, the waffle iron, etc, etc, even if they only intend to produce scrambled egg on toast!

This.Is.True.

My husband does his own lunch (and breakfast) but it usually comes out of the frying pan - his mother mainly cooked that way - so not only is it unhealthy for him but it makes the downstairs smell of frying!! But I suppose if I am not going to do it for him (I usually have a sandwich or something on toast) then I can't complain??

Not really been an issue as we often eat lunch at different times but if we are both in I usually make a sandwich or soup for both of us. However, I have always made the evening meal- until this week. Last Sunday we went out to friends for Sunday lunch. The male of the house always does the cooking and when we got home DH said " Do you think I could do that?" So I've been giving him cookery lessons and he has made a couple of our evening meals this week- a chicken dinner and salmon. Yes!!!! Long may it continue. Pasta and risotto on his menu this week.

I wouldn’t mind if there was any attempt at division of labour. I’m afraid I get resentful at the expectation that I’ll run round after him, while he has a pleasant round of social activities all day, and most of the evening, every day. His “work” for many years has comprised a couple of phone calls first thing, as he has employed a manager, so he isn’t exactly run off his feet!

Oh, so it's not just me then? Thank goodness. I get all of the above on the days that I'm not at work,, but I'm due to retire soon and my DH thinks that this is the time that means he doesn't have to contribute to house work ( not that a lot happens now)he says that he is joking but I don't think he is.

My advice Clickgran is when you retire "Start As You Mean To Go On!!".
This was a friend's advice to me when I got married and I have been forever grateful to her.

If I bother with lunch I ask if he wants any, sometimes he wants something totally different to what I'm having so then he does it himself.