The New Argy Bargy cafe, please pop in!?

It all goes on when I miss one evening, camel racing, vimto, weak tea and RULES!!

No DameJudy that’s the Amiral ( old sea dog) Barry is the bouncer and also helps out Big Jim with the heavier cellar work ( carrying Marydoll when she is alchoholically incapacitated back up to the bar.)
We took him on a few weeks ago, he is a bit younger than Big Jim, and is a fine figure of a man, ahem!

Sorry Meno but the elf and safety people say we must have a copy of the rules up on the wall.We don’t have to read it of course.The tea was just a joke...I mean really, can you imagine us tea drinking here?

Just to remind everyone, BIG JIM IS MINE ......or else!

Or else what??

Lemongrove, I didn't mean you, we are friends I hope?

I think others have their eye on BIG JIM.

Do you mean one eyed Susan? I've heard she has designs on him.

Is she a tattoo artist then?

Yes, we are budds Marydoll I just wondered what you had in mind ( for others!)

Have dropped in for coffee with a splash of something medicinal in it ( have run out of milk at home) and are there any donuts going?

There is a large order coming in shortly, 50 crates of vodka and 50 of gin, so Barry and Big Jim and any spare staff will have to step lively.

Boom boom!

What are rules for, if not to be broken?!

My thoughts exactly Jane Now are you behind the bar for an hour or so? A large G&T please, no ice ( never, and I repeat never have ice in your drink here!)

Right what is on the menu tonight, I'm all dressed as per the RULES and I feel like a pint of something special

Well as you all abandoned me I'm going to take my new outfit to the Sailors Hornpipe pub in the next village for the karaoke

Sorry Meno Was otherwise engaged. *Big Jim is quite frisky tonight. On my way to join you.

We have been away but I have managed to finish the coasters. I'll bring them in this evening. Could you have a large Bailey's with ice ready for me please.? That will be payment enough.

What did I miss ladies? Sorry for my absence. Had a bit too much Viagra and ended up in a brothel in Clacton wearing a thermal vest and a pair of crocs. The last few days are a bit of a blur to be honest.

"A bit of a blur" ??? I'm surprised you are actually still standing". Obviously you haven't seen the front page of the Clacton Daily Scandal

I hope they got my best side Marydoll

I look a bit like Jeremy Clarkson if you catch me at the wrong angle.

BBbevan Thanks for the doilies. Unfortunately, Bailey's is too sophisticated for the Argy. However, we can offer you Cillit Bang cocktail.

I must admit to having developed a liking for the Toilet Duck spritzer. Brings back memories of my time in Penge as a hamster wrangler.

Have you tried it with a sprinkle of "Shake and Vac"? It makes all the difference.

I've not tried that. Thanks for the tip Marydoll

As long as you don't throw it on the floor and burst into song!