Looking back

wotnot You have caused me to pause in my life! Not one bit has my life gone how I would have wanted. My dreams were similar to radicalnan's but I married young, 19, while a student and he was 14 years older. Very soon he changed. We did not know what Narcissism was then and he successfully cut me off from friends and family. Life was nothing like the life I had imagined.
I can't talk about it now, sorry.

Simple answer NO. I ended up married [50 years August] so that put paid to everything, and it's all still going wrong.

My main goals as a child/ young person, were to be a nurse and live in England. I achieved both of those, but there was so much heartache along the way which I could have done without. I am on my own now, but have happy, healthy children and grandchildren and nothing else matters to me. (I also get to travel a lot which was a dream when I was young.)

I have sort of drifted along with life. Made a few short terms plans that never seem to pan out as I would have liked.
Married three times (third time lucky) I have two wonderful daughters (my greatest achievement) and I am a gran in waiting, not sure if I will ever be a real one.
Always fancied living abroad but that has never happened.
Now 62 this year and still working really hard but wish I was richer and could have a comfy retirement (not going to happen)
Lost one of my sisters to cancer last year she was only 67 so I am grateful that apart from painful Arthritis I am healthy and still alive and kicking.
Maybe this is the week for my lottery win.
?

Home Farm sounds like my life but 36yrs wed. Had no desire to get married but did. No desire to have kids, but did. Was happy in my career but had to stop down to run house, kids etc. Now with a mean man who I realise I don't love and font even like very much. Still have ds at home and not enough money to escape. But I try and make the most of everyday ad my mother died young and I feel I must value what life I do have

I never did have a plan, like most people I have had my ups and downs and my share of tragedy, but I’m still standing and content with my life now. I love retirement, have turned my jewellery making hobby into a small business, finally had my first grandchild 6 weeks ago, and apart from a broken metatarsal and badly sprained ankle that is still not back to normal after 4 months, my health is good.

My Grandma always said count your blessings not your misfortunes and I think she was right.

What a really great question wotnot. Much food for thought. I think I started with a pretty serious dose of the youthful idealism of the 1960s. Peace on earth and change the world blah blah. I spent decades working in the health and welfare sector trying to do things that "made a difference". I wonder.

Fifty years on I feel incredibly sad and disappointed by the appalling lack of progress in the world, mankind's inhumanity, our capacity to kill, injure and degrade so many of our fellow human beings, the environment and our fellow creatures on this earth. It is sometimes said that cynics are disappointed idealists and I probably fall into that category.

At a personal level I've achieved some of what I had hoped for but not everything. I do feel incredibly grateful every single day for the lovely life I have in a beautiful, safe country and for my family and friends and the beauty of the natural world. There is much joy in my life and that is a pretty good way to feel.

In many ways I think I'm still coming to terms with my life somehow being a much smaller life than I expected but I know that reality is true for the vast majority of us. I look back and think my idealistic young self must have had have some very big dreams.

As an afterthought I am enormously impressed and heartened by the young Americans who are taking such incredibly brave actions following the tragic shooting at their High School in Florida. All power to them from across the oceans. The world stands with them.

I always wanted to be a social worker . I just know I would have been a good one . Sadly it was never to be which really saddens me. Pregnant at 18, a single mum, three times married and worked full time in jobs I’ve hated just to make ends meet. Definitely not what I had planned .

I never had a plan, or ambitions really. I had a terrible upbringing and my only goal in life was to be 'like everyone else' . I still don't feel as though I have achieved that even now in my late 60s. I never had ambitions for my child either, just that she was clean, well looked after and that she fitted in and we gave her what the other children had. I have never had the confidence to have ambitions. I suppose that makes me a bit of a sad case, but there it is.

I just want to get to at least 80 when my son will be 60. Somehow I have the idea that he will be able to cope at 60 if I passed away. This is not being negative far from it, just being practical.

KatyK That resonates with me. I just wanted to give my children what I didn't have and give their children the grandparents they never had. I have done the former and am trying to do the latter.

I am so proud of my children, they have achieved far more that I ever did and I like to think that in some part that is due to my parenting.

I am far more open-minded than my parents were and far more tolerant and am finally learning to stand up for myself so, yes, I am happy with the way we have made our lives work for us and those around us.

You sound as though you have done a great job Nonnie I am still a nervous wreck with no confidence and little self-esteem due to the horrors of childhood but my DD is the opposite (thankfully) so I must have done something right.
My granddaughter is wonderful and a credit to my DD.

KatyK I think it helped that I moved away from home when I was 19 and rarely went back. Since then we have moved a lot because of DH's job and had to 'sink or swim'. I still feel the lack of self-confidence and am more aware of my failings than most others but in the last few years I have learned to stand up for myself and feel better for it. It is never too late.

I had a plan, train as a nurse, meet a handsome doctor, get married, stop work, have children. Started nursing training, but was too young emotionally to cope, left to get married, and was dumped by my fiance. But then I met DH, had four children, went back to work as medical secretary when youngest was four. Grew a new career in health information management. Retired at 63 and spending some of the kids inheritance on travel. I have had episodes of reactive depression, but really have been incredibly lucky. My heart goes out to some of your stories.

Like others I had the "get married and live happily ever after" thing as being the norm. If you weren't engaged at 18, married at 21 and have 2 kids by the time you were 25, you were a failure. I married at 25, didn't have any kids, divorced at 37. Had a 20-year relationship (didn't marry him, thank heavens), then that finished when I was 59. At nearly 61 I met the love of my life and we've been together for nearly 12 years, married for 9. So I wouldn't have chosen the way my life went for a lot of it, but it's just great now.

I never had a long term plan. The future is so unpredictable but I couldn't be happier and more relaxed than I am now. I live in a beautiful part of Scotland, I see at least 3 of my grandchildren most days. I am generally well with all medical problems under control at the moment. I can still get around, walk the dog 3 times each day. I could go on. I'm very grateful or life as it is. Absolutely no complaints.

Tooyoungytobeagrandma this sounds like a carbon copy of my life, but son not daughter. I wish you all the best, I know how hard it can be.

I have had 3 husbands, and I divorced two.The first was a cheat and a wife beater, I left after 7 years when I ended up in hospital needing plastic surgery to my face. The second was o.k. for a few years, but became alcohol dependant and started to get violent. The third was my best friend and soul mate, but died after we were married for 1 year and 8 days. The time we were together was the happiest of my life. I always think that if I had not divorced the other two when I did I would not have met my lovely man who made me so happy. Karma?

I loved children and wanted to be a nanny but it didn't go to plan. I met and married a man with whom I had 2 lovely children but he left me for a young girl. I was lucky enough to meet and marry a younger man who was a great dad for a while but took to drink. So after a second divorce I met a lovely man who gave me a great life and became a wonderful step father and grandfather. Unfortunately he has had a number of strokes and now has severe dementia and needs one to one care in a nursing home. I am not sure what I had expected as a young woman but it certainly wasn't this sort of half life. Thank goodness for a loving family and friends.

Like others on heere, I thought I would work for a few years, get married, have children and didn' think much further. When I was small I wanted to be a nurse but that wish stopped in my teens and I became a secretary and stayed in office work. I did have children and now grandchildren.
I didn't expect to end up divorced, then remarried, then widowed, nor to have been the main breadwinner for many years. To be positive, I am now happily retired.

I would have loved to see a bit of the world too. Short if a lottery win I can’t see that happening now .

Of not if

Thank you for all your replies. I am especially sorry
Anniebach,Marmight,luzdoh,homefarm,Tooyoung,Katyk,
WW11,Sararose that life has been unkind.
I wonder if it's partly that we are similar age group and so choices were/are limited, but it seems we have little control as to the unexpected twists and turns life takes.

The first thirty five years of my life just' happened'. I was family 'controlled' to some extent. I made no plans I had no plans. I was accepting my life without question.
I know now what was to transpire was by fate and I truly believe it was fate that put me in the right place at the right time and was to change my life.
A life, and a life that was never to be the same and which on looking back, good and not so good, I know would not have wanted any different.

The last bit of life not as hoped for....married quite young a chap with inherited disease...both bit headstrong in that we would cope! Both children have it. Try to be philosophical as there are many families worse off than us but I feel so riddled with guilt but disease is restricting .....however could be much worse. Had plans of active retirement...but though I am fit and well caring has curtailed everything. Even writing this feel I am being very selfish