Problems with the Mother in Law?

My ex MIL was a weird cat lady. My current MIL was abusive to my DH when he was a child and, although I'm polite to her, there is no relationship as such.

My MiL has been Co this year.

I have had two MILs and they were both wonderful, loved them to bits. The first was a Yorkshire lady, 4'10" so was tiny but she took no nonsense and was good fun. We stayed friends even after I divorced her son.
The second was Welsh, from Aberfan. Different personality but we still got on well and spent a lot of time together.

I disliked my first DIL, stayed quiet about a lot not to upset my son. They eventually went their separate ways once he'd had enough of her ways.
His second wife I liked, but after said I didn't agree with them not telling his children they were getting married until after the event, I was told his family was none of my business. Not seen or spoken to any of them since - 10 years.

I may not have felt any affection towards my MiL, nor did we have much in common in terms of education, interests and so on. But I come of a generation and culture where we were taught to be polite and ‘do unto others’.

I have a very poor opinion of those who cannot exhibit basic good manners towards in laws.

My DH was a bit of a rebellious child - number 3 of 4 boys. When I came along, the wife of the eldest son was the favourite but, eventually, she showed her true colours and I became the reliable one.

We never had any animosity in the early days but by the time she died we were firm friends. I was so touched when she left me her engagement ring and, when he gave it to me, DFiL told me I had taken on her mantle as the strong, reliable woman in the family.

I am actually nothing like as strong as her (nor as scary!) but it made me feel wonderful.

We weren't at all alike, but got on well, probably because we respected each other and both bit our tongues a lot! She was a wonderful, loving grandma to our children, which was all that counted in the end.

My MiL was lovely. As the mother of 4 boys in a very male household (sometimes she could almost seem like an honorary boy!) I think she was just so grateful for anyone who'd take an interest in new kitchen curtains, etc.

I had a very good relationship with my MIL but sadly she died when she was just 58 andDC were still quite young.

I wonder if those who now have trouble with their DILs also had trouble with their Mother in Laws.

Or is it Mother’s in Law ?

And, if divorced, is it Mothers Out.Law?

Mine was definitely an Outlaw, still is.

Opps I think it is mothers in law.

My MiL found it hard to let her little boy go. She was 41 when he was born which was very late in those days. She and FiL led quite narrow lives which was probably normal in those days and I was not a local girl who FiL felt had taken away a job from a local. However, we rubbed along until after the wedding and then got on a lot better. I think that once she accepted that he had left she found it much easier. She died 6 months after our wedding and I was the one who treated her as though she had a future in the days when no one used the word cancer and no one had told her she was dying. FiL never understood the way we lived but loved us all anyway and we got on very well.

The first words ever spoken to me (over the phone) by the woman who later became my MiL were, "He has no money, you know, if that's what you think"!
They were a well-to-do family, so obviously I had to be a gold digger in her mind (although i already knew that as the younger son and irresponsible black sheep of the family, my future OH no longer shared that wealth).

As it happened, we never lived near her so contact was quite limited, fortunately. She was a women of strong opinions, who could be embarrassingly outspoken too, and she had a mean streak that got worse with age. To be honest, I was terrified of her for many years!

My mother in law died many years ago. She disliked me at first sight My DH had been going out with a girl for a few years before (who left him for someone else). MIL had loved the other girl who by all accounts was chatty, outgoing and mixed in very well with all the relatives. I on the other hand was shy, unwordly and, having come from a disfunctional family, had no idea how to behave with 'normal' people. She took my shyness as me being unfriendly and difficult.

Nonnie MILs are not an identical mass, all individuals ....so how can you say its MILs just because of your experience. I got on well with my MIL partly because we worked at building a relationship! I am now a MIL! Both people in a relationship have to work at it a bit. Without that it wont happen!

My MIL had a brain like a planet (first class honours degree from the Sorbonne - quite something for a woman in those days!) and was mad as a hatter! Completely barking!

Sister Monica Rose (?) on Call the Midwife reminds me if her - slightly on another plane and forever quoting chunks of literature in assorted languages. Without my A-level languages I would not have had a clue what she was talking about most of the time!

I only once left her to look after my two DDs, and when I returned DD2 had just one long plait rather than the two she had when I left. MIL had no idea how/when it happened - and had not even noticed!

She never gave cards or presents, except on one occasion when DD2 was about 5 and we were at their place the day after, and she gave her a book about the Queen Mother (!) and a card unwritten and still in its bag from Smiths - handed it to DD and said "I have not written in it - I thought you would like to put what you want."!!!!! I expect you are getting the picture.

She was pretty harmless, until she took to the bottle and when she visited I had to make sure she was not smoking in bad whilst inebriated.

Now don't get me off on the subject of FIL!!!!

bed!!

My MIL was weird - she didn't like my FIL much and once hit him on the head with a frying pan. They lived separate lives in the same house. She had nothing to do with us or our children but apparently on her death bed told my OH (by this time my ex) that she had 'made a mess of my life' which she had. I think she had a mental illness of some sort. Sad but I got on okay with FIL and he enjoyed time with his grandchildren and saw them into their adulthood.

I loved my mother-in-law dearly. Was much closer to her than my own mother and was with her when she died. I still miss her 20 years later.

I pray I'll be a great MIL one day. Supportive, living and respectful of their boundaries. I pray to never bad mouth my DILs to anyone, including family. I'm living in the moment. Enjoying each minute with my children, I want to see them grow into well functioning adults who can live their own lives according to what feels right for them, not me.

I was married twice and can honestly say that I have had 2 lovely MIL’s ! We spent time together and had many laughs along the way. While still married both women were very supportive and even told their respective sons off when they thought they were in the wrong. Obviously once divorced, their loyalties were with their sons and rightly so. I in turn now have lovely relationships with my 2 DIL’s plus SIL. So I class myself as very fortunate and feel so very sorry for people who have unresolved issues.

*loving

My first MIL mistook me on the phone for my mother and said, very rudely, "she could come from anywhere!" - she was a tremendous snob, and even though my parents were established MC she never liked me. My second one refused to acknowledge my marriage, as she was devout (?? like Christ would have made her decision?) RC and deemed her son still married to his first wife. My 3rd and last MIL was lovely, and so I reckon it's partly the luck of the draw. Having said that, husbands 1 & 2 didn't exactly win prizes while my current husband of 25 years is a gem, so maybe the MIL has a direct effect on the son. I wonder what my DIL thinks of me? (We get on well ... but have nothing but my son in common.)