What on Earth can we talk about?

When DH retired he complained that I hardly ever spoke to him.
I was used (when not looking after my
DGC ) to spending time quietly on own.
Suddenly there was a constant presence.
that wanted to chat.

I would move from room to room only to be followed and asked if was ok or did a I want a cuppa etc etc.
It nearly drove me nuts!

The problem was that as part of his working life DH spoke to numerous people through out the day and wasn't used to silence.

Two years have passed, in the blink of an eye
DH has interests and a photographic hobby.
He has put all our family photos on to the computer and is at present uploading videos from when our children were young.

I have my own interest.

So now we have a mixture of companionable silences and interesting chats.

Pamela J I have to insist DH makes a mental agenda of things to talk about if we're out on our own and football doesn't count! The deafness is a problem too. . . everything has to be repeated until he finally hears and says "there's no need to shout!"? So a gentle "fancy a cuppa" moves from gentle through several stages to a shouted " do you want a drink?".

newquay, I recognise the reptition, although nowhere as bad as your problem. Fortunately we do a lot of our talking over a table or face to face in other ways, so that makes it easier.

It is strange how talking much louder than is natural stilts language and makes conversation difficult.

Dare I suggest it, has he considered a hearing test and hearing aids or is he denying there is a problem?

Hello Monica. Yes he (reluctantly at the time) had hearing aids fitted some years ago and they do help enormously but it's still hard-a result of being a (very talented) art student in the 60s playing VERY LOUD music while he worked.

In my case the problem is denied.

I have been reflecting and realise that when I am visiting the DDs I probably talk far too much perhaps as compensation for being quiet at home. (Hattie doesn’t contribute much to the conversation) but yes when Paw was alive we didn’t talk a lot although what we had read in the paper etc might prompt a discussion or doing the crossword together. “Companionable silence” was actually lovely but it’s not ideal when eating out as most restaurants seem geared to the slower pace of a meal + conversation.
Note to self, I must guard against “prattling”

We do chat a lot - about food, politics, the kids, religion, the neighbours, etc, etc, but also do have the long companionable silences when we’re just doing stuff.

DH though, has the ability to do and think nothing at all. Nothing. Just sit there. I got a bit concerned about this as I’m unable to do this nothing. Something is always going around in my brain, but he says he can sort of go into a box and think of nothing. Is this meditation?

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits" as AA Milne put it.

Yes, nfk my DH will sometimes just sit and stare into nothingness, too. (He's not retired yet, by the way). This sitting and staring drives me crazy! Is it a man thing, I wonder - my Dad was the same? ?I find it impossible just to sit and stare. I have to be doing something whilst I'm sitting!

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

William Henry Davies

Yes, very true, Jalima, and I think it’s me that’s got it wrong. Perhaps I feel guilty for sitting and doing nothing - silly, really! Probably I have been conditioned into thinking that we always have to occupy ourselves with something, which really isn’t true, but oh, so hard not to do. ??