Family portraits

10 months ago I had a reasonably uncommon 'medical incident'. I was very aware that the next time I visited my daughter (4 months later, she lives overseas and I wasn't allowed to fly) she took photographs of us together, which we'd never really bothered with before. It struck me why, and although I was slightly taken aback because I intend to go on for a fair few years yet I was also quite touched.

MawBroon
What beautiful girls.
Yesrerday my daughter put up a collage of me from when I was 24 to present day on her FB site. She has a few ex's on there who know me. A couple commented " your mums still looking good" made my day

Sorry to blunt ladies, but isn’t this just vanity? I do not believe that photographs make anybody look any different. We are what we are.

Me, I'm afraid. Mother refused to ever have photos of me from birth as I was "so ugly" and destroyed any my father took.

I just can't seem to put that aside in how I feel about myself so I don't think there are actually any extant photos of me in the world beyond the wedding ones my H insisted on. Certainly absolutely none of me and my children.

Blondiescot, I know just how you feel. I'm the same. DH will keep taking sneaky photos of me and I always look dreadful. It's made worse when there's a family photo and the "snapper" says smile! I wish the ground would swallow me up then. You and I are clearly not alone! ?

MawBroon
Re. " you can’t beat a real family picture"...I so agree and both of yours are great.
I've just completed a Genealogy course with FutureLearn which has prompted me to take a trip down memory lane, looking through our family photos.
Unfortunately, I have only two of my Mum, one when she was 6 years old and her wedding photo. She cut herself out of all the others. Such a loss

I just take my specs off and give a big cheesy smile. The smile is what makes you look good.

Well this is a common phobia that people have. It is easy to get ride of. Using theNLP fast phobia cure it will take roughly 10 minutes.
Look on UTube for the fast phobia cure.
Best Wishes
Joseph Grennell
Child Psychotherapist and NLP Master practitioner.

I'd have loved to have seen photos of family members that I either never knew or were too young to remember. Which is why as much as I really do hate posing for the camera & have ruined so many photos-trying to look relaxed and natural but instead looking more like something out of Madame Taussauds. I won't object to a more candid shot ( I know you're looking at me with your camera but I'm not looking your way for anything )
This will at least be a memory captured for my grandchildren to show their grandchildren.

Strangely, I actually look better in photos/videos than I do when I look in the mirror, particularly videos where my face seems very animated and expressive. I have 'appeared' on the TV a few times and been amazed at how good I looked - no oil painting of course, I was never a beauty, but certainly interesting and lively.

I’m not fond of my photo being taken but my kids see my face more often than I do so if they are happy taking my picture then it’s ok with me!

Photos are important for future generations. My grandmother died when my mother was born and my grandfather and great grandmother burnt all photos of her. It was a great sadness for my mother to never have seen what her mother looked like. Many years after my mother died, I was doing her family history and was contacted by a lady who thought that she had some photos of my grandmother. It was one of the best moments of my life, opening the files and seeing the pictures my mother had longed to see. My mother looked just like her mother, so my grandfather must have had a constant reminder of his first wife! Please leave a few photos for your family. They will long to see your image.

I used to be the same till i told myself that the people who want to take photographs of me know what i look like and that is the me they like. Just because i don't like how I look is irrelevant and presumably a bit annoying for them.

I don't like many photos of myself, so I am pretty selective. But I've often wondered, whether that makes me very vain or very insecure. I'm sure a psychologist could tell me.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/201803/medium-352952-053eab65-9016-46ff-903c-3a000db582da.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/201803/medium-302872-0db084c7-7bc8-400b-871b-77e751e65260.jpeg

Not keen on photos of me but I suspect you are being hyper critical!
I think family portraits are wonderful for future generations but would never go to the lengths Susan Carter did in the Archers!
Just two, one of us about 30 years ago (apologies if it comes up sideways) and one of my grandpa, his brother and two sisters probably from 130 years ago if not more!
In this day of “the cloud” and everything being on computers, you can’t beat a real family picture.

My DM had a theory about passport photos - that one is either the murderer or the victim.
Snaps always have me in the least favourable light. It is a parody of what I think I look like - but "beauty is in the eye..." as they say. Perhaps one should look beyond the book cover, so to speak?
Like the others, I'm not too bad in the mirror [though I try to avoid those].
Since I am the snapper of the family, I am usually behind the camera...

Say to yourself what a sensible parent would say. 'It's not all about you - just get on with it.' You don't have to spend time look at pic you don't like, but if the family want group shots etc - join in.

yes, know exactly where you are coming from. My mum was the same and at the time I found it very frustrating as I didn't mind my photograph being taken at the time. As I have aged and acquired some wrinkles and jowls I am not so happy!! I have told them they don't want my ugly mug spoiling their pictures. - However, I gave myself a good talking to and made an effort to rise above my vanity and since then I have felt much better! I still don't enjoy looking at myself but I have to admit that it is ME, and acknowledge that the family love me for who I really am, wrinkles, sags, bumps and all. I think we should just chill out for the sake of the rest of the family, who of course want us to be in their family photos.

My friends and I did a photoshoot a few years back in the style of calendar girls, a gift for an octogenarian friend,we were advised to plaster on the pancake base. We looked horrendous in reality but the photos look superb, we were all chuffed.
Also I think we are hyper critical of photographs of ourselves at the time but often look back and wonder why. Perhaps we'll be happy with todays photo in another ten years.

Most people don’t like the way they look in photographs, one of the reasons is that we only see our real face in photographs. The rest of the time we see our reflection in mirrors so everything is opposite.

Ajanela I sort of know where you are coming from about someone destroying family photos as for some reason my mother gave all photos of us,I have a brother and a sister,to my Grandad but when my Grandad remarried (after my Gran died) his new wife destroyed all the photos! Why my mum gave all the photos to Grandad we will never know as my mum is no longer with us.

I am living proof that the camera does lie!

I cringe when I see photos of myself, I’m no oil painting when I look in the mirror, but in photos I look awful. So I avoid having my photo taken. Am glad I’m not the only one who feels like this.

I've absolutely no intention of changing how I feel to suit others. I'm easy going, but I'm not ever going to like photos being taken of me.
I dont feel its too much to ask that my wishes are respected.
Not that there is exactly a queue of people clamouring!

Thank you Blondiescot for highlighting this issue...I don’t feel so alone now. I would say I have a phobia of having my photo taken. I always look so dreadful. I think I am quite presentable, but some people are just plain unphotogenic. As for selfies!

My OH has been a keen photographer of everybody and everything for the last 60 years, had his own dark room etc so I have been photographed from day one and as he is now going through them I can see how awful I looked at times over the years. As far as I can see the main thing is to make sure the corners of your mouth are turned up and smile with your eyes this should give a pleasant picture, thats if you know you are being taken! The other thing is to get somebody to take dozens and you will often find that one or two are acceptable, also having them taken with small people always helps - good luck go for it you can always never look at them.