Gransnet forums


Family portraits

(91 Posts)
Blondiescot Sun 11-Mar-18 20:50:47

This is going to sound really silly, but is there anyone else who doesn't have any family photos? To cut a long story short, I absolutely dread having my photo taken and will go to any lengths to avoid it. We have lots of photos of the family - but none with me in them. I'm always the one taking the pics. My daughter has actually said on several occasions that if anything happened to me, they wouldn't have any photos of me. I know it's ridiculous, but I can't stand looking at myself. I see friends with beautiful portraits of their whole family and would love to have something like that, but the idea fills me with horror.

janeainsworth Sun 11-Mar-18 22:20:08

You could go to a professional photographer who would be able to put you at your ease. They are used to dealing with people, that’s one of the things that makes them successful.
Ask locally for recommendations.
I think it would be very hard for your family to have no pictures of you after you’ve departed this life.

M0nica Sun 11-Mar-18 22:44:47

I know how you feel, I feel the same. Your daughters need to carry cameras and catch you unawares.

We have no formal portraits, but both DC are always snapping away. My parents once commissioned a family portrait. The results were so dreadful they destroyed the lot.

MissAdventure Sun 11-Mar-18 22:59:52

No pictures of me anywhere. Any surprise snaps, and I'm holding something in front of my face.
I got quite cross with an ex work colleague and threatened him with the union if he continued to try and get a picture of me without my permission.

BlueBelle Mon 12-Mar-18 06:18:07

My eldest didn’t like having her photo taken, after her grandad died who she was very close to she was really upset that there were photos of everyone with granddad but her
I ve noticed she has her photo taken now

Greyduster Mon 12-Mar-18 08:09:41

I can count on one hand the number of photos of me I would be happy to let anyone else see. I am not photogenic and avoid cameras at all costs, but I am always taking photographs of everyone else. Professional portraiture is so much better and more relaxed now than it used to be.

midgey Mon 12-Mar-18 08:28:03

I don’t like having my photo taken but perhaps we need to stop being so precious about it.

morethan2 Mon 12-Mar-18 08:39:42

I hate it too. What’s worse it’s more difficult to avoid nowadays. Almost everyone has a camera on their phone and they insist on photographing every aspect of their day.

Conni7 Mon 12-Mar-18 10:15:12

Do you have a passport?

LynneB59 Mon 12-Mar-18 10:19:28

I'm the same. I lost weight last year, but have put it all back on (3stone) so hate seeing my body. On the other hand, I had very deep Marionette lines (corners of the mouth to chin) which made me look SO miserable, even when I was smiling. I had dermal fillers a couple of months ago, and the lines are practically gone - filled out I should say - so I feel and look happy now.

splodge Mon 12-Mar-18 10:20:47

The simple answer is don't look at the photographs that have you in them .
But having pictures of you is so important for your children's memories as they grow up , and even more so for when they lose you .

meandashy Mon 12-Mar-18 10:22:51

There a precious few pictures of me during my teenage years. It's sad. But I hated having my photo taken. I still don't like it much but now I have grandkid (s) I like to have pics with her

Maidmarion Mon 12-Mar-18 10:23:49

I can't understand this personally .... obviously people would like to be able to have pictures of you at family gatherings etc. and it must be very frustrating for them when you keep hiding. I have personal experience of this as my son always makes a huge fuss whenever I try to take a family photograph so they are sadly lacking. It only takes a moment, and you don't have to 'look' at the pictures, but it would be so much nicer if your family had some photo's of you to keep for the future.

Kim19 Mon 12-Mar-18 10:30:00

I'm a very reluctant subject too but I do it. The camera does seem to lie because I'm undoubtedly beautiful!

wildswan16 Mon 12-Mar-18 10:31:42

I really dislike having my photo taken, especially when I am not aware of it being taken. Celebrations such as weddings etc are a nightmare as there are cameras pointing everywhere.

It is worse now that everybody then puts photos online. Personally I do not want any pictures of me online - it may sound daft to other people, but that is my choice.

ajanela Mon 12-Mar-18 10:37:55

My daughter doesn't like her photo taken and feel sorry for her son who will want photos in future. I tried snapping with my phone at Christmas but she removed the photos.

The worst thing was my father destroyed all our family photos when he was getting remarried after my mother died. It wasn't done in anger, I think he wanted to make a fresh start, but I wish he had offered them to me as they included my school photos and photos of my mum. I miss them very much. My husband never met my mother so it would have been nice to show him photos of us together.

My mum was his first love and his 2nd wife complained he was always talking about her so maybe it was his way of trying to move on.

luluaugust Mon 12-Mar-18 10:42:46

My OH has been a keen photographer of everybody and everything for the last 60 years, had his own dark room etc so I have been photographed from day one and as he is now going through them I can see how awful I looked at times over the years. As far as I can see the main thing is to make sure the corners of your mouth are turned up and smile with your eyes this should give a pleasant picture, thats if you know you are being taken! The other thing is to get somebody to take dozens and you will often find that one or two are acceptable, also having them taken with small people always helps - good luck go for it you can always never look at them.

Maccyt1955 Mon 12-Mar-18 10:42:59

Thank you Blondiescot for highlighting this issue...I don’t feel so alone now. I would say I have a phobia of having my photo taken. I always look so dreadful. I think I am quite presentable, but some people are just plain unphotogenic. As for selfies!

MissAdventure Mon 12-Mar-18 10:49:14

I've absolutely no intention of changing how I feel to suit others. I'm easy going, but I'm not ever going to like photos being taken of me.
I dont feel its too much to ask that my wishes are respected.
Not that there is exactly a queue of people clamouring!

GrannyParker Mon 12-Mar-18 10:58:28

I am living proof that the camera does lie!

I cringe when I see photos of myself, I’m no oil painting when I look in the mirror, but in photos I look awful. So I avoid having my photo taken. Am glad I’m not the only one who feels like this.

Suebcrafty Mon 12-Mar-18 11:01:43

Ajanela I sort of know where you are coming from about someone destroying family photos as for some reason my mother gave all photos of us,I have a brother and a sister,to my Grandad but when my Grandad remarried (after my Gran died) his new wife destroyed all the photos! Why my mum gave all the photos to Grandad we will never know as my mum is no longer with us.

Theresamb Mon 12-Mar-18 11:07:01

Most people don’t like the way they look in photographs, one of the reasons is that we only see our real face in photographs. The rest of the time we see our reflection in mirrors so everything is opposite.

Peardrop50 Mon 12-Mar-18 11:08:49

My friends and I did a photoshoot a few years back in the style of calendar girls, a gift for an octogenarian friend,we were advised to plaster on the pancake base. We looked horrendous in reality but the photos look superb, we were all chuffed.
Also I think we are hyper critical of photographs of ourselves at the time but often look back and wonder why. Perhaps we'll be happy with todays photo in another ten years.

Catlover123 Mon 12-Mar-18 11:11:12

yes, know exactly where you are coming from. My mum was the same and at the time I found it very frustrating as I didn't mind my photograph being taken at the time. As I have aged and acquired some wrinkles and jowls I am not so happy!! I have told them they don't want my ugly mug spoiling their pictures. - However, I gave myself a good talking to and made an effort to rise above my vanity and since then I have felt much better! I still don't enjoy looking at myself but I have to admit that it is ME, and acknowledge that the family love me for who I really am, wrinkles, sags, bumps and all. I think we should just chill out for the sake of the rest of the family, who of course want us to be in their family photos.

sandelf Mon 12-Mar-18 11:17:59

Say to yourself what a sensible parent would say. 'It's not all about you - just get on with it.' You don't have to spend time look at pic you don't like, but if the family want group shots etc - join in.