I'm losing my job and I feel lost.

HotTamales I wish you well. Sometimes unions don't get the result you hope for. But hopefully this time next year you will have a happy story to tell and it will all be behind you. ?

Again, Maw I’m not passively accepting it but to give more detail would out me.

I know for sure that they won’t offer a payout willingly.

I do sympathise but ind it hard to accept that you are just lying down and rolling over.
A decent payout would perhaps tide you over until the next job, but I am frustrated (on your behalf) at your apparent passive acceptance.

To be fair to the rep jen he argued my case well as their case has some <ahem> twists and turns.
The rep did argue that their way of dealing with things had been unacceptable all along, this was minuted but of course, they didn’t concede this.

I can’t go into greater detail as it would be too identifying but it’s a bloody mess.

Union reps are sadly often a bit Lilly livered when it comes to standing up for employees especially civil service ones, I hope at least he or she took notes

I hope you remembered to imagine them all sitting there naked. I believe that's the advice given to people who are apprehensive about meetings

So I had my meeting today and it was awful.
I think the union rep was stunned into silence by their vitriol.
It was horrible.
Still, I know for next time and I know that there will be other bad days but I won't have to live through that one again.
Besides, worse things really do happen all the time. This is just a drop in the ocean of life I suppose.

Thank you annep, your story gives me hope, that’s exactly the type of career path I’m hoping for myself. Congratulations on doing so well.

I’m waiting for my union rep to arrive for my big meeting now...I am nervous but not too badly, I’m well prepared. We shall see...

You've had plenty of good advice here. So I'll just say I joined the workforce at 39 after raising my children. Local Education authority then civil service and got promotion twice?. You are NOT old and so well qualified. A new beginning to look forward to.??

Like many of you I still resent the fact that I was made redundant when I loved my job. Boss told me that at 30+ I was too old to work in a school and communicate with teenaged pupils! What scum...the kids didn’t think I was too old to communicate with them! I loved being a school librarian and miss it soooo much.....

When my brother was made redundant he signed on with a local temporary job agency as a stopgap. He had lots of short term jobs with the local authority and NHS. He found the changes interesting and enjoyed the flexibility. He only left because he got a full time job

You’re right ajanela.
When I’m not at work I’m currently worrying (a lot) because my recent poor appraisal means they have given me tough targets I have to work to.
I have a big meeting tomorrow, my union will be present to argue my case.
So at the moment I am worrying about the meeting, the hoops they are making me jump through and that sort of thing.

If this was happening to someone I manage I would be kind, supportive and arguing on their behalf that the process should be addressed in small chunks, rather than expecting them to change everything in a short space of time.
I’ve always been good at my job, reflective and conscientious.

No I haven’t been watching a TV series about registrars, it’s just something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.

If my husband lost his job I would support him all the way and I wouldn’t think it was his fault at all.
For his part, DH is completely on my side, he says I shouldn’t just jump into any job but that I should take my time and choose. He’s even said that he will do everything; all the housework and bills, while I do whatever I need to do to be ok. I couldn’t ask for more, really.

My daughter in her 40's is doing a degree in Mental Health nursing and found her vocation. Never too late,

Stop saying you are old.

You have given in your notice, so move on and get out there searching in a positive spirit. You say you are good at managing people and resolving problems so you can resolve your own and this experience will give you better understanding of how others feel when they loose their job. How about starting an employment agency or an agency that helps the elderly.

A registrar, have you been watching that TV series?

As for letting your husband down, is that how you would feel if he lost his job? I think not.

Good Luck.

OK fair enough. Some potential claimants are put off by the thought of their name appearing in the press for example after being at a Tribunal. I hope that you at least came up with a form of words for a Reference that was agreeable to both parties before leaving? You wouldn't want them to say that you resigned before being dismissed for capability reasons, which they might do to cover themselves in case you try for constructive dismissal. You could still negotiate that one, if you agreed not to pursue any action, although you should omit any personal injury claim if you can in case you later get a work related complaint like RSI for example. As Liam Neeson says in Taken - "what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career" - it sounds like you do too, so perhaps some form of self-employment is worth considering?

ddraig for my own reasons I do not want to fight for my job. The trouble with any battle is that there is always a cost, in this case it would be a personal cost and I do not want to sacrifice that.

I started this thread because I’m losing my job —even if I hadn’t resigned the changes that have happened mean the job I enjoyed is already lost— I’m middle aged, employers are discounting my CV and I would like to do something less emotionally demanding. This loss of career, combined with my age, not a clue what to do instead and no-one much to talk to about it are contributing to my feeling lost and bewildered.

I didn’t know you could do a one year conversion to law varian thank you, I’ll definitely take a look at that.

Have you thought of retraining as a solicitor HT? I believe there is a one year graduate conversion course, then you would do professional training. Your experience seems highly relevant and you could have a very successful twenty-five year second career ahead of you.

Jenpax and Cikada have given you excellent advice re ACAS and TUPE etc. You should not have resigned as taking a case to Tribunal now would have to be for Constructive Dismissal, where the burden of proof would be on you. Whereas if you had stayed they would have had to dismiss you, so when you went for Unfair Dismissal, the burden of proof would have been on them. They would have to prove that they had a genuine reason for dismissing you. This could have been for reason of redundancy - if the need for the job had ceased or diminished - then they would have to follow correct procedures - considering suitable alternative employment etc, but tribunals are well aware of the games that employers try to play in TUPE situations. If they had gone down the capability dismissal route - for not being up to doing your job - tribunals would likely have wondered what had changed if you were suddenly incompetent at doing your job after the takeover, if you had documented evidence of doing it perfectly well for some years prior to the takeover. Sadly they can refuse if you try to retract your resignation now, even if you try to argue that it was in the heat of the moment. You really should have got expert legal advice before acting - from a solicitor who specialises in employment law, as ACAS tend to give only general advice these days. I wish you well in the future though.

Conflict resolution? Working in a Pupil Referral Unit (kids who are not in school)?
PS You do not need a teaching qualification to work in school

My DiL is a registrar and loved it, especially the the celebrant registrar bit. She still does this side of it but needed a break from death registrations.

Have you thought of social work. It’s very varied and you wouldn’t be bored! Or fostering. You’re a good mother and have people skills you don’t want to waste. You’re at just the right age for a complete change of direction. The world is your oyster. Enjoy!

I’m back.

Cikada and jen I did seek ACAS advice twice before I handed my notice in. It may have been poor advice but I could only work with the advice I had been given at the time.

I really would like a career in HR but I’m not sure which qualifications I would need. If anyone has experience of this I would be grateful.

Thank you for all your replies and helpful advice everyone, I will take every suggestion seriously and investigate further.

As it happens, I've had a rotten day dealing with a physically aggressive person who threatened to make allegations against me. Fortunately, a colleague was there to offer their support and confirmation that I had done nothing wrong and had followed procedures. I did manage to calm him down. However, the incident did remind me that although I could stay and yes, I could fight the right thing for me to do is leave.

ReadyMeals that's a very kind thing to say, no parent gets everything right but we are very proud of all of our children and we've been very lucky, I think.

I plan to get my CV checked, I've updated my LinkedIn bio already, I'm contacting agencies and tentatively beginning to apply for jobs littleflo. I wish you well too.

If you've guessed correctly lollee then shhh

Gabriella personally I don't feel old, I'm fortunate enough to be fit and capable. Sadly, the world, specifically employers, don't necessarily see it the same way. When I say I'm 'old' in my mid 40s I mean no disrespect at all to anyone older, this simply refers to me being old and expensive from a professional perspective.

I am considering other courses libra and I'm excited at the prospect of learning, although deciding what exactly to choose is a different problem!

I'll be back later, dinner is ready

When I hit 50 I needed to find another job after being made redundant because the company was relocating and I didn’t want to go. I ended up with three very good jobs being offered and one was kept open for me for two months in case I didn’t like the chosen one. Don’t give up.

Take some time out, a holiday if poss .... and have long think about something that maybe you have always wanted to do. You are still young enough to retrain .... and just think that the world is now your oyster and get away from all that stress and toxic environment ?

How about a career in HR? Lots of conflict resolution there! Have a look at the CIPD website. I would strongly advise to gear your CV to each job application. No point in sending the same one for a 100 jobs, you will get a 100 rejection letters. Look at the person spec and JD and bring to the fore any relevant experience, training etc. With such a long notice period you have plenty of time to look around. I wonder if you could negotiate early release if you find something?

You are still very employable! Don't doubt yourself! Practice Manager at a Surgery or similar would be ideal for you!

I am in my mid 50's and I really feel I am now seeing ageism. It may be against the law, but people still get away with it by using other, very lightweight reasons for not employing. I no longer 'look the part'