Ma's driving

We have a small local taxi firm owned by a chap who loves his job and has his regulars. All retired, mostly ladies.

I think his wife doesn’t want him to retire - he can talk the hind leg off a donkey.

Lisalou - I'm the same age as your mother, and still drive, but only in certain areas that I know well. My confidence varies according to how quiet the roads are.
I intend to have a driving assessment soon, and will take the advice offered.
Perhaps your mother would agree to an assessment? I think they're free. There's another recent thread that mentions them.

It's wonderful that your mother is still so active, and I understand you not wanting to upset her etc. Unfortunately if she were to be involved in an accident and hurt somebody she would be a lot more upset.

Do you think her vision is good enough? Perhaps an eye test would persuade her to stop if it was found she could not see well enough. Could you persuade her to go for a check-up (maybe sit on her glasses by mistake to bring an appointment forward?).

This interesting Grace Dent Radio 4 programme from last year is still available to listen www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08wn2jp and tells the story of an elderly woman who feels she is no longer safe to drive due to failing eyesight but really wants someone else to make the decision to stop driving for her. I haven't listen again but I recall that one of her concerns was the demands she might have to make on her family if she were to give up. Worth a listen.

You have a gentle way out if you can tell her the car is beyond repair. A white lie, but it will solve the problem of you feeling that you are upsetting her. Together, you can make alternative plans for travel.
My father in law’s driving came to an end when he had an accident at a junction. It was then that we realised how dangerous his driving had become. We regret not intervening sooner.

My husband took his father’s car keys and removed the vehicle from the garage. I have given my daughter permission to tell us when our driving is no longer safe.
However, even in a city, losing your car is akin to losing some independence.

It's a problem isn't it. My m.i.l. aged 88 is still driving.
Mr. S. got her a mobility scooter for a free 3 week trial and if she wants one, she'll get a brand new one for free from a local charity.

But, she hasen't even tried to use it because friends and some of her other AC don't she'll be able to manage it and yet think she's still OK to drive.

Your description of your mum's driving sums up my m.i.l. Lisalou. If she were my mum and I'd tell her it was time to stop. I had to do this with my step dad, it was awful because he loved cars, was an advanced driver and cried when he gave up his keys but after a few days thanked me, because he knew it was for the best.

Your best bet might actually be to talk to her doctor or provider and ask them to book an appointment with her to discuss it. She may take it better from a professional third party than from you.

It's a difficult discussion to have, but one that's absolutely essential if someone's driving isn't safe. I'm not sure if it's available in your area, but some communities have seniors' driving test programs to assess someone's ability to drive safely. DriveABLE is one example.

There was no way my sister could have that conversation with DF. His problem was he drove too fast and his judgement at junctions was poor, but he had had no accidents. Just several that were clearly not his fault, twice hit when his car was stationary and parked in a car park.

We gritted our teeth and accepted that might be the way he would go. I wish he had, his last illness was slow and painful as he slowly suffocated. because of acute heart disease.

I had this with my (disabled) husband. I was petrified by his driving although he protested he was fine. I said it was all very well to go out and kill yourself in an accident, but how would you live with yourself if you killed someone else? He stopped driving then.

It does sound like a sight problem and whether she gives up driving or not, it won't harm for her to get a free eye test. These tests can pick up other diseases too, like risk of stroke, dementia, cancer etc. and are not intrusive.
Ask her when she last had an eye test then get her to book one.
.....then take it from there..... see if she improves......

Giving up your precious independence might come easier if family and friends were more willing to give lifts. Why are those lucky enough to drive so resentful of someone unable to get to a shop or the doctor, a club or concert?
I have to ask for lifts often, there are very few buses now. If a neighbour is going somewhere anyway, why ever would they moan about taking a passenger along?
I gave up driving at about sixty because my sight is poor. I foolishly assumed that people would freely offer me lifts. It hardly ever happens, even from family who live close by.

When you consider the costs for insurance, MOT, gas, and maintenance for a vehicle, taking a bus or taxi is actually quite affordable for most things. Some communities also offer driving services specifically for seniors. (The city near where I live, for example, has a service for getting seniors to doctors' and other medical appointments. It's called Driving Miss Daisy.)

In the UK the DVLA has an anonymous helpline where you can report people that you feel are unfit to drive and the DVLA will investigate.
To report a dangerous driver anonymously please call: 0844 453 0118
www.contactthedvla.co.uk/guides/anonymously-reporting-dangerous-driving-dvla/

That's a good point agnurse Mr. S. has told his mum it probably wouldn't be as expensive if she took a taxi when she needed too, as it is to run her car.

She's not convinced yet.

It’s what you’re familiar with isn’t it I ve never driven so will miss nothing I ve got my free bus pass ( Could mum have one or don’t they do that where you live) and my cycle ( i m not expecting your mum to start cycling) but for me walking, cycling, free busing is absolutely fine Yes there are some places I can’t get to but that’s life I d love to pop to a garden centre but they re not on any bus route but that’s how the cookie crumbles I think perhaps the eye test and a word from the doctor will help
Good luck it’s not an easy one but it’s doesnt necessarily mean taking independence away although I suppose that how she ll see it

Hi . We had identical problem with my Dad . In the end I just said - well prove me wrong . Have a refresher with a driving instructor . He knew he couldn't . Doctors won't back you either . If they do have a medical condition then you will get support from DVLA . Sight test ...would she pass that if not any insurance claim could be invalidated .

With respect - what is a quiet road ?What if one becomes busy ? This is worrying . Even short journeys . With money you had from sale of vehicle , insurance etc ..you could get taxis .

Last year, I returned to my car in a store car park to find the front wheel arch badly dented and a gouge down both front and rear doors. There was a note with a name and number admitting the damage.

When I called, the man sounded elderly and said he had misjudged the space when parking. I wondered just how slow his reactions must have been not to have stopped sooner as he bumped and scraped his way down the entire side of my car.

He offered to pay cash for the repair and pleaded with me to keep it off his insurance. I wondered how often this was happening and whether I should report him but in the end just got the car repaired for cash as it saved the bother of having to go through my own insurance company.

When I spoke to the car body man about it he said he has several elderly customers that he does frequent cash repairs for.

When I went to renew my car insurance this year I was surprised at the hike in premium and questioned it. I was told that the incidence of claims for that particular make and model of car has increased substantially (a make and model popular with older drivers) and so the cost is being spread. I went via one of the comparison sites, talked to a number of different companies and got the same answer. I’d never thought about that before, that older drivers are hiking my insurance premiums not just younger ones. It’ll make me think very carefully about what model to buy when I next change my car.

Gosh. What kind of car us it?

I hadn't noticed that any particularly make of car was more popular with older drivers.
Which one is it?

Apparently over 75s account for about 6.5% of all accidents - so under 75s must account for 93.5%. These statistics are not that recent btw
Research by the RAC Foundation suggests drivers aged 75 and over make up 6% of all licence holders but account for just 4.3% of all deaths and serious injuries. By contrast, drivers aged 16-20 make up just 2.5% of all drivers but 13% of those killed and seriously injured.

Does anyone have any up-to-date statistics?

Remember Mrs Thatcher saying that anyone travelling by bus over the age of 30 was a loser? Some of the people who heard that may well be the very people reluctant to give up their cars now, perhaps being aware of the stats quoted on this thread.
We have become a very car-dependent society. I’ve noticed how many GNs use supermarkets such as Aldi and Lidl. Not easy to do that in many places without a car. Most grocery delivery has a charge for small orders.
Most of the posters here seem to live close to their parents who can no longer drive. It’s a different matter for elderly people with no family nearby and no community services.

"It’s a different matter for elderly people with no family nearby and no community services." Too true winterwhite.
Where we lived in France the elderly were often isolated, no public transpoert.
I know I'm elderly and a bit decrepit, but you should have seen some of the old folks still on the roads there, in their 20+yr old cars. In comparison I was a fit youngster.
In France you have your driving license until death - no medicals etc.
Unless you have an accident of course.

But in France they have those wonderful under-powered cars, with small engines for which you do not need a license.

These, in rural areas, seem to be driven only by those who are 'plus agees'. Because they are slow and underpowered, they do not travel fast, and are a warning in themselves that the person at the wheel is very old, as a result everyone treats them with extreme caution and I have never read, in our local paper that they have been involved in an accident.

There’s a man where I volunteer who drives an underpowered little van thing. I’d wondered where he got it from! There’s a race to leave before him as it doesn’t go above 35 mph and getting stuck behind him on our windy roads is most frustrating. We obviously don’t have the patience of the French!!