My son has been a great traveller for ten years so no slouch, no freeloader, active and now back earning a small salary, paid his way round the world , very proud of his achievements but with no savings and owes me a bit. Have been discussing what he should pay for housekeeping and he is paying me back a regular amount monthly to pay off debt. He eats well, favours good food because health conscious but not to extremes and I approve of that anyway, so what would you say is fair weekly amount, btw he does own washing and nearly all his cooking, albeit messily!
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What would you ask a 27 year old boomerang son to pay housekeeping?
(57 Posts)A third of his earnings?
That sounds a lot if he’s only on a low salary and paying off debts I wouldn’t ask as much as that personally especially if he’s doing his own cooking and washing, but then only you know his business and abilities and both of your needs
How about a third of his earnings minus the debt repayment?
Can you not work out what he is actually costing you to 'keep', I think that is what I would do if it was one of my sons
Is he buying his own ‘health conscious , good food’ or do you pay for it? Does he provide his own washing powder? If not, then you need to be a bit more realistic.
I have a friend who rents a room to a single person, they pay £400 per month and provide their own food and cleaning products.
If he is strapped for cash , then a third of his wages plus you could get him to do some household chores for you? He could cut grass, go shopping for you, laundry, ironing.
He is an adult and has to start paying his way.
We've agreed an amount that is just above a third but that includes part debt, I don't want to cripple him as I'd quite like him to move out ! But although we can manage without his contribution he's led a great free spirited life and it's about time he learnt how to manage a salary
How about working out realistically how much his being there actually adds to the household expenses, and adding that on to his debt repayment to you?
By 'realistically, I mean by adding in everything, from the extra energy and water used, to looking at exactly how much your shopping bills, phone bills and any other outgoings you can think of have increased since he came back, and when doing this, don't be tempted to overlook anything on the grounds that it isn't enough to worry about! The figure you arrive at ought to be the absolute bare minimum that he contributes.
Once you have worked that out, you have a good starting point from which to decide whether you want or need to ask him for more.
Menopaws that sounds about right. Obviously if he lives away from home, it will cost him more with rent and so on, but while he is adjusting to ordinary workaday life, that seems the right amount to make him not take his parents for granted but not make moving on unattractive or unaffordable.
We have had a number of threads on GN in the past from desperate mothers who have done anything and everything for their children and never charged a penny and cannot work out why their helpless children do not want to move out.
I have a friend with 2 children, both in their 40s still esconced in their childhood bedrooms, they have never been unemployed but have never bothered to develop careers that could earn them enough to move out. Their responses to any queries or elbow jogging are that they cannot afford to move out because their incomes are insufficient to rent or buy, but that is entirely their fault and their parents for not kicking them out ages ago.
Actually, I think nanaK54 has already said more or less what I have just said, though much more concisely.
He does the garden, veg etc anyway, always has done and I don't pay him, aware if running low on food and picks up on way home at own cost, we all eat the same healthy food so I pay for that so would still buy it if he wasn't here just not so much. Yes he is strapped for cash but not wasteful ,not into clothes or going out much, cycles everywhere and aware he has to save
I was going to say the same as ilovecheese - one-third of his earnings.
Plus his debt - but if that makes it impossible for him to do his job and therefore earn, then you could reduce it - but ensuring that he does pay his debts.
Menopaws he sounds like a lovely person to have as a son.
I have no idea what you should be asking from him, but I do agree that he should pay for lodging.
Sorry I meant pay towards the housekeeping.
I have a 31 year old and a 23 year old living at home and both work hard and long hours. I charge 31 year old (who earns more) £400 pcm that includes enormous room, all food, washing products but he puts on loads of washing himself but I will sometimes hang on line for him, Sky TV including Sport and Movies packages, and BT sport in his room, Amazon Prime and high speed unlimited internet (which we would not have for ourselves), all gas and electricity, contribution towards council tax and household insurance for contents of his room and use of lockup for storage. Younger son earns less and pays £300 pcm. He gets same size enormous room, all food, gas, electricity, toiletries and washing products and also does his own washing again I sometimes hang on line for him, contribution to council tax, high speed internet access household insurance for contents of his room, but he does not have Sky sport, movies or BT sport in his room and he does a few chores around house such as empty bins and unloads all of our shopping and puts away including frozen foods and cooks the odd family meal as enjoys cooking. They share a shower room between them and must take in turns to clean it. They have use of home phone but rarely use it as prefer to use their mobiles. I cook them both about 3 evening meals each week and a weekend meal. They are out sometimes to eat and other times prefer to cook for themselves or buy take-away. In both cases it is approximately one quarter of what they both earn. They will both baby sit on occasion for me and will occasionally vacuum the stairs for me if I ask them. Incidentally they both think they have a fair deal and older son does not grudge paying more than younger son. I could charge them less but want them to understand the cost of living. Should any of them leave to buy property of their own they will get help towards deposit which they are aware of but both seem comfortable and in no hurry to leave home. I think one quarter of what they earn is fair.
Forgot to mention both my sons will shop for food bits on the way home from work especially if they know we are running short of something and always ring to check if there is anything I need or want.
Newnanny thank you for that info, very helpful and your son's are a credit to you. It's made me think about how much extra he costs but we would still have sky sports etc as my husband watches it all the time and he pays for his own phone and any cab costs so it's only really food and bills but I am also taking into consideration that during the travelling years when he would come home for three months or so to regroup and be fattened up for the next trip, I didn't charge anything because he didn't have anything. He decided to live the life while young and free and now is happy to settle down so financially he's a bit back to front
It sounds like you’ve got it about right *Menopaws). You could always put the money he pays for housekeeping into a separate account and save it to give to him as a wedding present/help with house deposit or similar (Not telling him of course).
I agree with Ilovecheese a third of his earnings is fair. That leaves a third to spend and a third to save.
I don’t see the logic or fairness of charging a proportion of his salary.
You wouldn’t do that if you were renting a room to a stranger. It would be bizarre in fact, to ask a prospective tenant what they earned! You would work out the cost (proportion of energy bills, water bills, possibly council tax) and add whatever profit you wanted to make.
In the case of a family member you obviously wouldn’t want to profit from them. The charge should be based on the extra cost to you of having them there.
Taking this further, if the son was flat-sharing with 3 of his mates, they wouldn’t divide the expenses and rent relative to what they all earned, would they?
A third of his earnings is probably far less than he would have to pay in outgoings were he living elsewhere, although I do see your point janea.
And he does owe his mother money too
I'm sure you are all right but I wouldnt ask for anything for the pleasure of having my daughter live with me!
Yes I agree jalima if he were living with mates, but a third of earnings probably a lot more than the extra electricity and water he uses living at home. And council tax doesn’t increase when AC come back.
I’d feel the same as you teetime!
You could be right, I'm sure Menopaws's son wouldn't stay under the shower as long as my DD .....
I suppose it depends how much he's earning
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