Gransnet forums

Funeral clothes

(67 Posts)
Luckylegs Tue 10-Jul-18 10:53:50

When in doubt, ask GN! We have a funeral this afternoon of an old friend who we haven’t seen for quite a long time but there will be a big group of ex Fire Brigade colleagues who are all like family.. I don’t know what to wear! I do have black trousers, skirts, dresses etc but there seems to be a trend for less total black at funerals plus there’s the heat! OH says just put anything on (very helpful) but I’m worrying I won’t look sufficiently in mourning. I also want to look quite nice, not like a black crow! Any ideas please?

annsixty Tue 10-Jul-18 11:03:20

Black trousers, white or pastel top is my go to now.
If it is chilly, a dark card I or pasmina, but never all black now unless requested as it was at a funeral I went to a couple of years ago.
It is you they want to see paying your respects, not your clothes.

bmthbelle13 Tue 10-Jul-18 11:07:17

I agree, black trousers or skirt and a light coloured top. Certainly something lightweight in this weather.

PECS Tue 10-Jul-18 11:10:01

I think as long as you are smart casual and look business like rather than ready for a party it is ok. e.g A dress & jacket, black skirt/ trousers and sober shirt or top of any colour is fine. His family won't mind as long as you are there.

gillybob Tue 10-Jul-18 11:10:43

I wore a black tea dress with small burgundy and cream daisies to a recent funeral . I had a light weight black jacket on top . Didn’t feel out of place at all as most women had worn clothes to break up the all black.

Luckylegs Tue 10-Jul-18 11:11:19

Thanks for your replies. It’s the question of covering up shoulders as well but I don’t want to put a black jacket on as well. I might just have a cardigan for in the crematorium and can take it off later. I wondered if the white or light top was too frivolous? I have dug out a darkish grey top and grey trousers which I might consider.

Luckylegs Tue 10-Jul-18 11:13:17

Too much choice, that’s the problem I fear!

grannyactivist Tue 10-Jul-18 11:13:50

I would wear black trousers with a light black top and chunky necklace and ditch the jacket for a grey or pastel coloured pashmina/scarf.

MawBroon Tue 10-Jul-18 11:14:03

Without reading the other replies, my immediate thought was black or navy or grey if you have it, skirt or trousers, crisp white shirt and either a cardi or jacket or blazer if it gets cool.
If you did want to wear a black dress a cream or white jacket (one of those things I have “in case” but have only worn once!) on top.

gmelon Tue 10-Jul-18 11:15:43

Black trousers and a long or three quarter sleeved white blouse. Maybe a sheer something under the blouse for modesty's sake.
With a skirt you will have to wear stockings or tights and can get clammy so I would pick some lightweight trousers.

It isn't overly hot where I am, bit overcast.

BlueBelle Tue 10-Jul-18 11:18:26

I don’t wear black for funerals any more I don’t mean I would wear a multi coloured rainbow, but a subtle coloured blouse or top and darkish trousers
I certainly don’t want any black at my funeral

Katek Tue 10-Jul-18 11:20:59

I tend to go for greys and purples nowadays. Seems to have covered most recent funerals, but last one I attended we were asked to dress casually. There were a couple of people wearing jeans!!

oldgoat Tue 10-Jul-18 11:27:51

When I was a child we had a funeral handkerchief with a black border at home, obviously a remnant from Victorian times.
I wore a smart red dress to my friend's funeral recently though many mourners were wearing black. I don't understand why it is necessary to wear black or dark colours to show your respect. You are showing that by attending the funeral.
I have told my family I don't want black worn at my send-off which I hope will be a celebration of my life.

MiniMoon Tue 10-Jul-18 11:30:00

The last funeral I attended was that of my DH's aunt. I wore black trousers and a stripey blouse. It was a coolish day so I also wore my black leather jacket. I would have left the jacket at home if it had been warmer.

M0nica Tue 10-Jul-18 11:33:24

I think sombre and quiet are the words for funeral clothes rather than sticking to black. I went to a family funeral last year when the weather was like it is now and wore dark brown cotton trousers with a cream and autumnal coloured top. His sister, and they were very close, wore a cream shift dress.

annodomini Tue 10-Jul-18 11:39:41

A friend had asked her family to wear turquoise to her funeral as it was her favourite colour. I normally wear navy and/or grey garments and would willingly have worn my turquoise pashmina, if I had known.

Willow500 Tue 10-Jul-18 12:47:46

We're at my cousin's husband's funeral tomorrow and I'd thought about black trousers and a black lacey top with a cream vest under it - I might rethink it now reading this for something a bit less sombre.

trisher Tue 10-Jul-18 12:56:13

I went for all black for my mum's- but it was still very cold. At my aunt's it was warmer- black linen trousers and white linen top, but carried a jacket just in case the white was to much, it wasn't. Men just do suits don't they- so much easier.

GrandmaMoira Tue 10-Jul-18 13:04:00

I went to a funeral last week where we were asked to wear bright colours, which I did, although some wore black and white. We had the same request at my DH's funeral and seems increasingly common now.

Lindylo Tue 10-Jul-18 13:28:26

If you don't want to wear black, navy is a good substitute.

Alexa Tue 10-Jul-18 14:27:30

Just something modest and not show-offy.

Nannarose Tue 10-Jul-18 16:56:19

Although it isn't relevant to the original question, my favourite (sadly for a young adult we had known all his life) was "come dressed as if you were spending time with him". Some turned up in Scout uniforms, hiking gear, one friend in surf shorts. I put on ordinary clothes, and a pinny over the top (because he'd had dinner at my house very often!)
The food was "please bring what you liked to share with him".

Melanieeastanglia Tue 10-Jul-18 19:35:02

Have you anything grey or purple in your wardrobe?

I often wear black trousers and a grey jumper.

These days, navy would be a suitable colour too.

varian Tue 10-Jul-18 19:44:46

For some funerals, mourners are instructed to wear bright clothes. One funeral we attended all the mourners were told to wear a rose, the favorite flower of the dear departed.

Without instructions, I would try to look appropriate and inconspicuous, by wearing black, grey, navy, perhaps with some white or cream or maybe a coulored scarf, but nothing flamboyant. It's not about you.

annep Tue 10-Jul-18 19:53:55

I wore all black for my mums six years ago because thats how I felt. But two funerals ago ( for want of a better phrase) I looked at myself in the mirror and all black looked so drab. I resolved never to wear all black again. As long as you look respectful it doesnt matter really nowadays.