mum’s refusing to see GC as a punishment for me

Hard to know what to say really. She's quite nasty isn't she? You probably did the right thing in moving away from her. What about MIL? Can she help?

That sounds awful!

Does/would your father ever come to visit you without her? If he did, it might make her think twice.
On the other hand, it sounds from what you say as if she has serious 'issues', and your father might have learnt to live his life around that, trying to avoid doing anything that will upset her.

I'm sorry that I don't have any real advice for you, beyond a recommendation that you leave the ball in her court by waiting for her to make the next move. It really doesn't sound as if you have anything to lose by doing that if you already see so little of her.
Regarding your children - at their age, it is probably just as likely that they are upset because they can see or feel your own emotions, as by what their grandma said. I would certainly avoid using speaker-phone in the future conversations with her, though!

I’ve got a lengthy hospital appointment tomorrow that I can’t miss and am not allowed to take kids to (blood transfusion). Mum refused to take the kids because dad can't take a day off work to look after them. MIL is coming down to watch them until I can get back.

MIL and I... have our differences, but I will be the first to say she never leaves us in the lurch in an emergency. Mum quite frequently does that. Dad says she is pleased I am having such a rough pregnancy because she wanted this baby aborted. She does not think people should have more than one child, two if the first one was a girl.

So at least I can get to the hospital tomorrow.

Dad won’t come without her agreement, she will make his life very difficult and he’s always enabled her behaviour.

No, there isn’t a good reason I maintain a relationship with her beyond “she’s my mum” and dad always told me from I was little that I was responsible for her. I know that really I’m not but it’s hard to shake that off.

I have tried and tried to get him to encourage/cajole/whatever her into psych treatment but he hasn’t done it in forty years, he isn’t going to do it now.

Sorry, this is all a bit of a vent

Virtual hug, muffin

She's cutting off her nose to spite her face, foolish woman.
As another Gransnetter said - we have to give our DC roots and wings - and 2 miles is not distance at all, there are many of us with DC on the other side of the world.

I don't know what the answer is, but MamaCaz is right, the children will pick up on the fact that she has upset you, so try to remain positive and try to get some rest too. Is there anyone else who could have the children for a while for you?

Poor you ? not sure how to send a hug so sent you flowers.
Families are so difficult but I can’t advise you here, your mothers attitude seems incomprehensible to me. I didn’t see too much of 3 DGC for a few years due to distance and my health which I later found to be cancer.I now see lots of them (as convalescing with eldest DD) but less of the other 2 DGC who live in my home town, either way I miss all of them and love seeing their little faces so cannot understand your mothers attitude. Big hugs and I hope you feel better soon x

I know someone whose mother was really very unpleasant to her (well, worse than unpleasant in fact) but she was lucky enough to have a lovely grandma that she lived with. She never sees her mother at all now and therefore the mother has had no contact with her DGC - but they don't miss what they don't remember and they have a good relationship with their paternal grandparents.

I can't advise, but this young friend of ours has a happy and fulfilled life with her DH and DC, his parents and her many friends. Her mother doesn't feature in her life at all and it is just as well from what I have heard.

Id be more than happy to give your mum a piece of my mind !! Maybe 2 !!

Muffin , First of all I'm sending you a hug , then I'm going to tell you to pull your big girl pants on over your bump ( ah I remember those days ;-) ) and for now, walk away.

Every time you ask your Mum for something it gives her the control to say no and hurt you , and your children. So take that control away.

Next time the kids ask for her , call your MiL !!

I am NOT a huge fan of cutting people out of our lives but I'm also not a big fan of letting toxic people colour our lives.

Think about yourself for now, until your new arrival and return to full health. Then decide how much of your Mum you can tolerate.

We are all brought up to love our Mums but I think you don't always have to like her .

((hugs)) I feel for you. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes better and you have a beautiful health baby.

DD's ex MiL was a bit like your mum. I have nothing to add to the good advice already given but didn't want to read and run.

She sounds unpleasant and controlling. Best see as little of her as possible, imo. for you. I hope the pregnancy goes well and you have another lovely baby to love.

muffin have a huge hug from me. In my opinion the woman who gave birth to you does not deserve a lovely daughter like yourself or to call herself a mother. As others have said you need to look after yourself and the new babe to be. I hope your DH is being supportive by the way.

She sounds nuts. Just continue with your own life and wait for her to simmer down and behave herself.

Naughty girl to move 2 miles away - how dare you!!!

Concentrate on your health and well-being and that of your children - there is nothing else you can do.

She sounds self-centred and manipulative.

Try to rest as much as possible (not easy with two little ones) and maintain the best possible relationship with your MIL and with your own father (he must be a saint).

Didn't think I would ever say this Muffin but really in your present state if health you are better jyst to ignore your mother

Sorry posted too soon. You need to concentrate on your own health and look after the children. Maybe when the baby is safely here you can sort things out with your mother.
Sounds like she is quite unpleasant and you and your family don't need it.
Lots of hugs and take care of yourself, your mother obviously looks after herself.

Hugs from me muffin. How are the finances. Is a home help for a few hours a possibility.

Are you in the UK. There are a couple of charities that could give some short term support .

The ball is in your Mum’s court now. Don’t contact her again. Wait for her. I agree with NannyandGrampy. Stop giving her the power to say no. ?

I'd be in seventh heaven if any of my GC lived two miles away! As someone has said, roots and wings.

For the sake of your own health and that of your family, Muffin I'd stop trying with your mother. It seems to be that nothing will please her and by attempting to maintain a relationship with her, you're simply giving her a stick to beat you with. I don't think it's necessary to go 'no contact', just let it wither on the vine.

It's sad for your little ones but at least they have one grandparent and they're young enough to be able to soon forget about it. You also have to think about whether you really want your children to have your mother as a role model of how to treat people.

Very best of luck with the new baby - how exciting!

{{{hugs}}} muffin, my MIL was the one that did all the practical help especially with my second child. I had that baby at home and she sat up all night so that she could help look after the toddler.

Muffin sadly some people are just too complex and difficult to understand, it is pointless continuing to try! Could you try to enlist the help of others? Like friends, old neighbours, extended family? Even enquire about nursery places? Even temporarily? I know it’s difficult finding childcare at short notice but sometimes help comes from unexpected avenues.

Good luck with your pregnancy. Don’t let Mum stress you out. Enjoy your lovely family

Virtual hug and sympathy. My mum was very similar to yours and strangely I get comfort from your posts as they make me feel less lonely about how I suffered (I use that word carefully). So although I am sorry I cannot help you, thank you for your revealing posts that have helped me. Hugs to you and your little ones. I had very difficult pregnancies but it was all worth it as I now have a lovely grown up family. Ps my dad was complicit in colluding with my mum and almost convinced me I was bonkers. Beware. Look after yourself and take up any and all offers of help and support. ???

Oh dear muffin - I do find it hard to keep track of posters sometimes, but your situation is one I've somehow kept abreast of and I feel very sad for the situation you're in. Between your husband, mother and mother-in-law you're in a dire situation with no easy way through. So here's a virtual (((hug))) and then a second one (((hug))) because you need to feel valued and treasured and I fear there is no-one just now to let you know that you're doing a wonderful job in incredibly difficult circumstances. I admire your fortitude immensely.

Hugs for you. You need to put yourself and your children first - and if your Mother is hurting them, then keep you distance. I suggest you keep trying with your father and MIL though (sorry - don't know the back story there). Huge amounts of love and healing coming your way. (flowers)

I have nothing to add to all those lovely supportive posts Muffin, but want to send you big hugs. I’m a big believer in mother love, but sadly I think your mother is totally lacking in it. Good luck with that precious pregnancy.

She sounds mentally deranged to me. I suspect you would be far better off without her, sadly.

muffin just be determined to be the opposite of your mother - be the best mum you can be for your children. I hope you have support from your DH and the rest of yours and your DH's family.