“Wives create their husbands”

I think there’s a lot of truth in that, maybe 40 years is optimistic, or perhaps mine is just a slow learner....we’re nearing 50 years and some days it feels like I’m still “training” him! On the other hand, I may just be a poor teacher

It really depends on the husband’s mother, doesn’t it? If she‘s brought him up properly, he won’t need to be taught these things by his wife.

I think mine has now entered the rebellious phase! Fifty two years of effort down the drain!

I think it has just as much to do with Mothers too.

Yes I think you’re right flexible. When my ds got married I told his new wife I’d made sure she’s was getting a “house trained” model i.e. one that knew how to clean bathrooms/ toilets, iron his own clothes and cook a meal. She was so gooey eyed that she told me she would love to do these things “for” him. Now, 25 years on, she has a different view and he does his own ironing and cooks a good meal...not sure about cleaning the bathroom though!

My DMIL did everything for her sons but DH has proved quite trainable: he does most of the cooking and helps with the chores. There are still a few sticking points though which in 50 years I have never managed to eradicate. Despite having purchased a shoe cabinet for the hall, there are usually three pairs of his footwear lurking there. And don’t talk to me about the little nest he makes on the hearth next to his chair of magazines and paperwork. Sigh.

Generally speaking it has been my experience that mothers tend to do "do" more for young sons than mothers of daughters.

This is all going on the assumption that you need to change your man to suit you. How about just taking him on as he is and finding a way to fit in with that?

My DMiL only ever gave me one piece of advice, delivered immediately after the wedding ceremony.
That was, if MrA stepped out of line, I should simply bash him over the head with my rolling pin.
I often wondered if this advice came from her own experience or was theoretically-based.
Fortunately in 48 years I have never had cause to implement her policy

I have never tried to 'train' DH. It would have been a waste of time. As his own mother said of him in despair 'Born in a barn, if I didn't know better'. She really did do her best.

It works both ways, he has accepted me warts and all and not tries to 'train' me.

It goes down the family. DS is quite capable of any domestic task and is the main family cook, but when a new floor was laid in their kitchen and I was talking to DDiL, I said has DS left his socks in the middle of the new floor yet. She replied 'Funny you should say that, I have just picked them up and given them to him'.

I tried, I really tried to make him tidy.

I have given up with mine too, and as you say MOnica he has to put up with me !!!

I think is infantilising men to speak of them in such a way. Making the same sort of comments about men "training" their wives would, in my view quite rightly, be totally unacceptable.

It is silly anyway to make such generalisations, even though probably tongue in cheek. Every person is different and every relationship reflects those differences - unlike Niall Williams' parents, it was my Dad who got cross with my Mum for squeezing the toothpaste in the middle and not putting the top back on.

My DH has stayed resoloutely himself throughout our very long marriage.
I suspect it’s neither the wives or the mothers, just their own characters.

I'm a bit worried about you *Greyduster". I have a friend whose husband left her for a younger woman after 52 years of marriage. So I hope your OH is not tempted by the 52 year itch.

We were married in 1966 (round here folk always say - that was the year that England won the Worlds Cup), so I am keeping a close eye on my OH in case he strays.

I agree polyester we have to find compromises and learn to live together harmoniously.

Anyone who buys cream carpet for their hall deserves all they get, IMO. ?

Varian ?. I doubt he has either the energy or the imagination.

Oh, they always have the imagination but maybe not the energy.

lemongrove

lemongrove I agree with you. As far my dear husband is concerned.
He is who he is, I am who I am. But TG we are compatible.
After 44 years.

Early days yet Fennel

I wish

Although after 50+ years he does put the toilet lid down. Sometimes.

52 year itch? I had better go and be a bit nicer to him

- I'm almost past caring!

He has his toothpaste, I have mine.
Never the twain shall meet.