Is there a thread for "just having a moan".??

Seems to me the real issue is you and your husband are not "on the same page" on this one! You need to talk to him and reach a compromise that you can both cope with beforte then together deal with the taking advantage from your son/girlfriend together. At the moment your husband appears to not be considering any impact on you or your wishes, atall!

Unfortunately sometimes our kids do seem to take the p***!
Getting a pup then expecting you and hubby to look after it is selfish, if he and dil are like this now, expect to be the primary careers when they start having kids!

As the dog gets bigger it is going to need much more exercise than it does now, they are very lively dogs and need lots of really long walks. If you allow the dog to keep staying at your house will your husband have all the necessary stamina to keep pace with it. You have put your foot down over the dog but your husband has"nt, so first you and he need to put up a united front to your son and his partner or it will just continue.

Your son is being rather irresponsible and selfish - however, he has been allowed to behave in that way, and perhaps he has learned over the years that it is in order for him to do so.

It really is not doing him - or you - any favours. Older children should, in my opinion, have some regard for their parents' welfare, appreciating any help given but not expecting it as a right.

Over the years, you haven't put yourselves first. Your son is carrying on the tradition. I'm afraid you and your husband have created the situation, Tallulah. Nothing will change unless you change. Change your behaviour and your son's behaviour will alter too.

I'm afraid that I would be telling your son, "You are too busy to attend my birthday. We are too busy to look after your dog!"
I admit that I, too, am a bit of a soft touch when asked to help out anyone, not just the family. However, it is a two-way process, and I know that they are all there if I need something. I also gets lots of thank-you's, treats, flowers and outings.
Your son and his wife sound like 'takers', and it's time that they were told to get their act together and stop being so selfish.

Say "no" but help if it is an emergency. It will be difficult the first time but it gets easier. I know because I've been there too, but you can't say "no" on behalf of your husband can you?

I agree your son is taking you for granted as many children do as they get older.. they seem to think that they are privileged in some way.. My husband and I are in a similar situation with our daughter wanting work done around her house etc and we are both in our seventies.. there is really not much you can do since your husband doesn't seem to mind doing whatever for your son. Good luck..

*up to, not up up.

DotMH190l
I think you're deluding yourself if you honestly think your GC will 'scoop the poop'.
Who will walk the dog when they're at school? Will they walk the dog in bad weather, scoop the poop and dispose of it responsibly?
I think you're living in la-la land if you really think they'll step up up the mark. Living with your AC is making a rod for your own back.

and Happy Birthday for this weekend

Whose dog is this?!

And - as I said to my DC on occasion "Just what part of NO don't you understand?"

You say "would be tougher with my son ,but his dad won't agree to being tougher."

You need to make clear to your DH how you really feel and how he needs to help you by not taking on responsibilities for your son.

I quote
I told my son from the onset that we would not be committed to the dog and he agreed....but now we have him all day at least 4 days per week.

I think that sums up your problem. Why, having said you wouldn't be committed to the dog, did you then agree to look after him 4 days a week?

Is this what you always do? If I told DS that I would not do something. He would not even mention the matter again because he would know that in mine (and DH's case) when we say NO. we mean NO and will not change our decision.

Happy Birthday Tallulahbelle, I also have an adult son who is just as selfish and often regret not having had a daughter!! I obviously love my son but I sometimes wonder how they can be soooooo selfish.xx

The more you are willing to give, the more they will be happy to take.
Simple as that.
Happy birthday to you I hope you have e good time despite your son putting you second to his friends stag.

xx

I don't see it has to be hugely confrontational just say you were happy to help out with the pup until he had all his injections, you have already said you couldn't have the dog regularly. I am so sorry about your birthday, when you have sorted out the pup tell him you are very very upset about it. Unfortunately I suspect he won't know what you are talking about until he is around 70 himself. Happy Birthday when it comes

The thing is, the main problem is between you and your husband. You don't want to look after the puppy and said so from the start but your DH just countermanded you. Of course your son sees you as a walkover as parents because his Dad has shown him that your opinion can be ignored and he is a soft touch. I'm afraid you need to having strong words with your DH...and then your son!
If it's any consolation, I have a husband who does this with our youngest son and I dread to think how he is going to cope once he's at University...he'll be expecting the taxi service, the washing fairy and the bank manager. Boy, is he going to have a wake up call!

I know my downfall I'm way to soft I'm always being used and abused I'm trying to be stronger where family and friends are concerned because I'm always on offer to help them and it gets me nowhere

As for your son not attending your 70th, words fail me! His priorities are wrong, all wrong.

Re the puppy, as soon as it’s had all it’s vaccinations, it can go to Doggy Day Care, there are many about. Also there are dog walkers who take dogs out for a good two hour walk. Of course, these things cost money, but that’s not your problem. The dog is the problem of your son, and he needs to be told you can’t have him four days a week. If you want to, offer dog care one day a week, excluding your holidays, but if you don’t want to, just say no, you can’t look after their dog all the time, it’s THEIR dog. They need to sort it out.

No, I'm not doing it,said frequently and firmly, providing you follow it up by action, can be done. You should have learned how to do that by this time, you are 70 for goodness sake. It's not your son's fault you have become a doormat.

It sounds like you have encouraged your youngest son's irresponsibility all his life as he probably didn't just start to be now. Just agree to what you are happy doing and refuse to do the rest although it sounds like his dad is happy to have something to do now he's retired. Maybe he could go to his house for part of the day to be with the dog so it doesn't have to come to yours so often.
I'm happy to help out with errands/pet holiday care for my adult children most of the time as I'm semi retired, so not so busy as them as they both work, but if I have a prior engagement they know better than to expect me to change it to suit them!

How old is he....40 something?

tallulahbelle As on "Belle" to another, may I be frighteningly blunt? I don't want to hurt you, you are obviously a lovely, kind, unselfish and caring lady. But you have to know. Your son - and his wife - are selfish. They are irresponsible, uncaring and self-centred.

It is time you and your DH to take the reigns of your life firmly in your hands and live for yourselves.
From now on say NO to any requests. No dog-sitting, no lifts, no helping out. Your son does not put you anywhere on his list of priorities. He does not care about your life. He is using you. He has to learn. It is time he grew up. Show him this if you like, or learn it and say it to hime repeatedly.

Congratulations on your 70th! Have a wonderful day with the people who appreciate you and know you for your true worth!