What would you give this Grandson at Christmas?

Oh I am not needy, but very independent with a life of my own. Nor am I pestering him. I don't nag anyone, I don't believe in it.

But I see his younger brother monthly either here or I take him out so it only seems fair for me to offer the 19 year old the same...and my son encourages me to, saying GS needs to get off the play station! I'm trying not to show favouritism to the youngest.

There is a lot more to this, he has been quite rude/dismissive to me [and other adults in the family] several times....just teenage stuff I suppose. And before the DIL issue. I just wait for him to mature a bit more. If he doesn't want to see me that's ok but I am just puzzled as to why he says he wants to, then silence.

My son doesn't like that GS is being distant with me and marches him round on my birthday and Christmas...and now and then asks me to ask GS over or out...so I do.

I fully realise he is now an adult with his own life, we have been aware of this for a long time. Just wondering how it translates into Christmas. I may compromise, give a small voucher and/or some beers.

Thanks for the advice, views and gift/card ideas from helpful posters.

Don't leave him anything in your will. Unless he changes his tune of course.

Send a card saying that they should buy themselves a gift with the money they would spend on a present for you (that should make them think if they've never, ever reciprocated) and that you will be getting something for yourself with the money you would have spent on them. I think this is an excellent idea for all adults in the family, especially if you don't see them at Christmas, and means you (and they) get something they really want ... rather than smellies (she says, bitterly). Good luck but, most of all, don't stress about it and have a wonderful Christmas!

He's at that age where he works so he is tired when he gets home. He probably saves the weekend to be with his girlfriend. He's at that age when he probably doesn't want to spend time with family. I think that's normal. As long as he sees you on your birthday and at Christmas. Just leave the birthday meal now. You've already asked him for dates. Just send a card. He's an adult now.

He's 19 and creating his own adult life. His life is probably busier than yours these days so you will be missing him much more than he is missing you. It's not an excuse but it is a reality. The more you seem to pester him and seem needy the more he'll back away. Yes, it is totally understandable that you wish it was all very different but not many 19 year olds do want to spend much time with their grandmas.

Send him a breezy Happy Christmas text, don't bother with a gift at all, especially as he is earning and you are on a small pension. He may even feel embarrassed or guilty about a gift from you knowing deep down that he's been remiss in not visiting you. Tell him you'd love to see him at any time for a meal or a catch up or to just pop in if he is nearby. 19 year olds tend to not operate on weekly schedules and do things spontaneously. Just keep the door and the heart open and give him time.

Like yours, my DC and DGC have more money than me so whatever I give will be a token.
But a card with a tenner and the iou is a nice idea.
I've just sent a gift token with a note saying buy yourself a bottle of something . You are never to old to be remembered.

bluebird our DGS is growing up now and a lovely young man but he cannot find anything to say to us unless in response to a question. DGDs are the same and I remember being the same with my relatives when in those late teenage years. I felt we had nothing in common and would rack my brain for something to say. I would continue to give something to this young man, he is, after all, your grandson and you have spent happy times with him. He may not fancy a get together with you but that doesn't mean he doesn't care.

Card and charity donation on his behalf ?

My first GC is only 3 so I haven’t experienced this age group apart from nieces & nephews in our extended family. My siblings & I don’t give each other’s children presents after they turn eighteen. The same with DH side of family. I would definitely give my GC cards & gifts for birthdays & Christmas when they are adults, the same as I do for my own children. The first thing that struck me on reading this post was how sad it is if there is no communication with your DIL. I’ve never had a great relationship with MIL,not my fault as she’s the same with all her sons wives (she has 4) I have a great relationship with my DIL. My first priority would be to try & mend my relationship with DIL ( that’s assuming your son is still with her) & you might see a change in your grandson.

Did your own son want to spend time with his relatives at 19 - I know mine didn't so I wouldn't be hurt by his lack of contact. I'd send a card with a voucher for Amazon then he can get what he wants and you've still got contact with him.

I still buy for my GD's 21 & 17 as well as their parents although it's very tempting to just do money - we will be sending my other son and his family money this year as it's just too difficult to buy for them and send it over to NZ. I'm also tempted to stop buying for a friend and her husband - they reciprocate and quite frankly the stuff she gives my husband is just a waste of money (hers probably says the same about mine although I do try to find useful things). I've tried to say in previous years we'll just do the grandchildren (which we also do even though we never see them) but she insisted she'll still do it. Martin Lewis has the right idea!

Send a card with some money in it.
I still give money to all my immediate family: Ds and Dil and 2Dgc, and Dd and Sil and 3Dgc.
I also take them out every year for a meal on Boxing Day, this year there will be twelve of us, Dgc Twin girls are inviting boyfriends, who they met at University, two gorgeous boys, who I now treat like one of the kids.
I've taken them out with the girls a few times and they've always offered to pay but now I just give them a comical frown before they even try and make them laugh.
You might have more chance of taking him out for a meal if you invite his girlfriend as well.

I do presents for all the immediate members of my family irrespective of age and regardless of whether they reciprocate. I think the best thing is to do whatever your heart tells you to do.

Tell him you have his gift if he would like to stop by and pick it up.

I gave to my nephews and neices until they finished uni or their 21st birthday, then considered them grown up.

Don't sit there mouldering and point scoring....make light of it....Whats up with you? Too cool for Grandma now?

Send a cheeky card with a daft message, just for fun.

I think the voucher ideas are good, or the card with a tenner inside. He probably has a lot more spare cash than you do at the moment.
Keep in touch though. It is the thought that counts.

I would of thought from my position of ignorance ( no GC yet) that GC are a bit like our own children and should always have a present.

Bluebird, he is 19 ....honestly, as much my grandson loves me, I don't think he'll have a one to one with me, in a restaurant and he's only 16. Mind you, I haven't asked hm yet, so I could be wrong. I always have his sister and him together and we go out together for lunch etc
I also have 2 adult sons, one of whom would happily , (well, used to anyway), sit and have a meal with me. The other won't , unless his wife is with us. Everyone is different.
As for Xmas gifts, I give everyone money and a small token wrapped gift to open on Xmas day. Christmas has become so stressful for most families....

I agree with Feelingmyage, don’t close doors,
Sometimes they gravitate away and then as they mature gravitate back.
A card, A tenner and a gift voucher for a meal with you. Put an expiry date on it, that may concentrate his mind.

I am a great believer in keeping the opportunities for contact open so perhaps still send something certainly until he is 21. It doesn’t need to be much. It would be interesting to know what he would say if you asked him to pop round and help you ... move a piece of furniture, sort a door handle, whatever. He might be nudged into visiting with a more obvious purpose. Boys of 19 do mature into generally lovely kind young men.

I’m inclined to agree with paddyann . I would still put the money or a voucher in his card.

If you would usually/normally give him something don't stop just because he doesn't contact you as much as you would like, but let him know that whatever happens you only do Christmas/Birthdays until their 21st???

Yes I think I would send a card with a tenner as well. As Paddyann says 19 year olds are not good at keeping in touch. I think you should tell him when you do meet up that you are sad about not seeing him.

He's still a member of your family so why wouldn't you include him on your christmas list ? I buy for my OH's niece and nephew who are mid 20's as well as their partners and my SIL and her husband .OH hasn't a big family and I wouldn't dream of leaving anyone out .I remember my MIL telling me that her cousin who was more like a sister used to buy for everyone except FIL and he was quite hurt about it so I wouldn't hurt anyones feeling in the same way.To be honest I dont think many 19 year old boys (in particular) spend time with aunties and grannies nowadays .I know I only see OH's family on MIL's birthdays when we all have a meal together .Send the boy a card and some vouchers or stick a tenner in it for a drink ,he's your grandson for goodness sake !