Soop' s warm and welcoming kitchen.

Dear morethan, I've just caught up with your posts. You are caught in the middle of such a tragic situation and must be torn every way. Your little grandson is the brightest star in your firmament. What a treasure. It's so sad that your GD's pregnancy, which should be an occasion for such joy, is complicating things for you and the family; and she, herself must feel so conflicted which can't be good for the new little person who will be your GGC. Christmas is an added emotional burden for you. I can sympathise with your desire to have your own Christmas but feel your anguish when your DiL pleaded with you to be there for her last Christmas.
For reasons I won't go into at the moment, I can empathise with your sadness.
As everyone else has said, do look after yourself. Apart from your importance to the family, you need to feel that you matter to yourself. ((((hugs)))) and I wish they were real ones.

marydoll, assuming it is his, your dh will be walking around like a dog with 2 tails!

I have read your post with a heavy heart dear Morethan,I have wondered how you were faring and now on hearing I am obviously lost for words.
I can well see the great stress permuting as it were throughout your family and my heart bleeds for you all.Words at such a time seem so empty.
However I can only reiterate "let it all hang out" here in our Kitchen for between us all we are strong enough to take the brunt and be there to listen,to shoulder some of your family`s pain.
Whilst please don`t forget yourself in all this,with the immense pressures of christmas plus what is eating away at your dear family members at this sad time,of course its easy to forget you are not that well yourself........so please take care because that is a must too.
Of course delegation over the Christmas period is a given as our Maw suggests,let everyone take some of the strain.
Meanwhile please know I along with the entire Kitchen hold you close to our hearts.
Sending a very much heart shaped bouquet just to uplift you

GD, I knew that star in the sky had a message for me.

How will I tell DH?

Marydoll, good time to be pregnant you know! Big star in the sky at the moment; I know where I can get my hands on a donkey. There don’t seem to be many wise men around at the moment though......?

Morethan when I was going through what you are going through, all sorts of stuff came out of the woodwork that I found almost impossible to deal with but I bottled them up and I wish I had had a Soop’s kitchen to let it all out. We all feel our frailties in spades at a time like this, and when you throw Christmas into the mix it doesn’t make it any easier. You are doing the best you can, and so far, your best has been awesome, but do look after yourself, and when you need to wail and tear out your hair, we are your sounding board.

I usually lurk in the kitchen, but all the sadness has affected me quite badly.
I just want to pop in and offer my my best wishes to all.

Soop, glad to hear you are feeling less uncomfortable.

I'm off to make soda bread, so plenty for all. I have suddenly lost my desire for sweet things and am craving savoury. Could I be pregnant?

No words that haven't been said morethan just hugs and any sympathy needed but we know it doesn't help your sad situation.
Heartbreaking for you all.
I hoe they realise how precious their time together is before it is too late.

It must be nearly Christmas if the sherry bottle is out! Thank you Granny ?.
Welcome Sparkly - it’s a good job the virtual sofa has infinite capacity or we would be struggling for space these days.
Morethan, as I read your post I felt that it would be unbearable for your family without your support. You cannot change the outcome for them but you are having such a positive impact on their day to day needs. I am in awe of you. Be kind to yourself.

morethan sending you hugs and strength to get through the coming weeks. Make sure you have some time for you, as you do do much for everyone else. ???

Hello to everyone else, I shall make some mince pies this morning and leave them on the side with a nice bottle of Harvey’s Bristol Cream.

Wishing you all a peaceful day x

Oh morethan, we’re here, always and you are never a burden. No one could have offered more to the family than you have, of course you’re drained and exhausted. I suspect as kitty says it could help you so much if you could talk to someone face to face. MacMillan or Marie Curie might have a listening ear locally, I think both have a telephone help line. Yes, if there’s a local hospice why not phone them for advice? They will understand the impact on the whole family and be a source of information. Your grandchildren are finding you a calm, safe place, so important for them. Your son and daughter in law are under unbearable pressure, it will spill out, are they accepting any external help?. You’re so important to them all but like a piece of elastic you can only be stretched so far. So please care for yourself as well as them, rest when you can talk to us, talk to a supportive organisation if that feels possible. I wish there was something practical I could offer, can only send love and hugs.

morethan, I, for one am happy to have you unload here if it helps. I'm not sure what we can do except listen but do that willingly. Do you have anyone in so that you can talk to? This is way outside my experience but can you ring Macmillan for advice or your local hospice.

Hi maddy and welcome sparkly.

I'm off to bake biscuits for a friend who is coming for coffee. We have kept in touch but haven't seen each other for nearly 50 years.

If there are any left I'll bring them in when I come back later.

It’s their unhappiest that’s the hardest to see. I see it, feel it, and listen as they talk about it. The sheer misery it’s almost as if their making each other unhappy. They don’t even seem to realise that what the other ones feeling. I know because when I get each one on their own I ask. My oldest granddaughter is having a baby in March, she came to me last summer and told me she wanted a baby because she couldn’t do anything for her mum but she could give her a grandchild. Oh I did have the conversation about not doing it for that reason but she went ahead. It’ll be lovely but it just adding to the stress at the moment. I feel sorry for her because there’s no way she able to enjoy this pregnancy. I used to feel really smug that the three little ones want to spend so much time with me but now I’m wondering if it’s because they are feeling the stress and misery even though they don’t know the full extent of their mummy’s illness. It’s all a mess and it’s getting worse. I’m at a loss of how to help, I’ve thrown money at it, I’ve helped with the children, I’ve listened as my son is verbally pulled apart and said nothing, I listen when they each come to unburden, I’ve sat for hours with her mum, I’ve protected the children when there’s been a crisis. I walk a tightrope between help and interference. Nothing helps and living with the knowledge that my DiL hasn’t got the time to be this unhappy and there’s nothing I can do is just horrible. Oh I best stop whining little lad needs getting ready for school, so at least I’ll get a hug to cheer me up and I’ve given you all this misery. Hardly Christmas cheer is it ...sorry

Maddyone yes, hello and thank you for saying hi.

Thank you for the hello and welcome soop

This Christmas thing is a challenge isn’t it? It is our first one without the oldies and feels very strange. After all the pressures of looking after them and having no choice at this time of year we can do what we want .... and it feels well strange, none of the exhaustion, some relief and some emptiness. We are going to do something different but not sure what yet. For all those coming in for a cuppa I have left a variety pack of teas, something for everything if the labels are to be believed. Sleep well all.

I feel so much for the many grandparents, both on this thread, and others, who are having a difficult time this Christmas. I have no adequate words, I’m just thinking of them all.

Thank you Soop, and ‘hello’ to SparklyGrandma, though I know we’ve spoken on other threads Sparkly. You know a little about my sometimes troubles with my adult child don’t you? However, all is ticking along asreasonably as possible at the moment.
For those of you who don’t know, my much loved child has mental health problems, which thankfully are calm at the moment.

Morethan I feel for you. I remember what is what like for dh’s last xmas. Both the children came , but it was very stressful knowing it was the last.
We did the best we could with festive fare and tree and tried to forget it was the last.
We did enjoy a lot of it as will you.
Thinking of you.

SparklyGrandma a warm welcome to you. X

Welcome back maddyone, lovely to see you.

dragonfly your flowers are beautiful. I love the vibrant colours.

morethan when I read your post I wanted to respond before going to bed. I feel your sadness and wish that there was a simple solution to your dilemma. Please try to rest and recuperate.
Sending my very best wishes for a resolution that will go some way to pleasing your nearest and dearest. X

I’m amazed the tension hasn’t spilled over before morethan. I think maw is exactly right in suggesting you delegate as much as you can. Please be clear what you can offer, the important thing is you are all together, there’s no need for anyone to be cooking a feast. Sending love and hugs and hope.

Beautiful flowers dragonfly, you’re right, there is much kindness in the world.

Hi everyone, haven’t been in here before. Sorry to hear of your family sadness morethan.

Missed out the word “understand” after “I can also....”

Morethan that is just heartbreaking.
I sometimes wonder if I had know that 2years ago was going to be Paws last Christmas with us, how I would have handled it. As it was I organised it so that DD’s MIL who has Alzheimer’s could enjoy little DGS’s first Christmas and so they stayed with us. Ignorance can be bliss sometimes.
I can also how tempers might be fraying as you are all under so much strain. Nobody is superhuman and your situation is unimaginable for most people.
I have no wise words but send you all the positive vibes I can.
Do delegate (especially for Boxing Day) but it would be good if you can let your son and DIL choose how they want to spend the day - even allowing for last minute changes of mind.

Oh morethan I do not know what to say. What a terribly sad situation to be in. You and your family must be in such a state I am so sorry for you all. I am not able to express how I feel for you in words so all I can say is that I will continue to pray for you all. Thinking of you x