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Snowflake generation?

(104 Posts)
Grammaretto Mon 04-Feb-19 14:32:12

Maybe I should have put this on AIBU but I genuinely am interested in what you think.
I have had 2 youngish (mid 20 ish) volunteers staying and from day one they made it plain that they were
a) cold
b) didn't like our food.
So after a few days of this I suggested, (and had given them extra bedding) they should find somewhere else because having brought up a family who ate what was on their plate or went hungry, I was not prepared to compromise with these 2 .
They sounded surprised and one said that it was because her own DM had been forced to eat as a child that she in turn allowed her children total freedom.

Why is it we either react against our upbringing or repeat the conditioning with our own children. i.e.
What was good enough for me
I'll never inflict that on my own kids
Any views out there? These 2 have left and I am relieved.

Jalima1108 Mon 04-Feb-19 16:41:19

I've just had a quick glance at one of the sites in the link and at the offers for a farm stay in exchange for food and accommodation.

I must say that I think the hosts are getting a good deal out of this arrangement!
One Australian farm is expecting volunteers to prune fruit trees amongst other duties - hard physical work in exchange for a bed and dinner! And presumably volunteers have to pay for a flight themselves.
Nice if you can get a volunteer to do it as I think the minimum wage in Australia is A$23 an hour (plus holiday pay and pension).

shock

Jane10 Mon 04-Feb-19 16:51:30

As I've met Grammaretto I know she's not an unreasonable person at all. She's had years of experience with volunteers and these two must have come as a big shock if it led her to ask them to leave. Personality clash? Maybe. Better luck with your next volunteers Grammaretto!

Grammaretto Mon 04-Feb-19 16:55:28

Jalima1108 if you look carefully you'll notice that the places are all different. Some don't provide meals but give a food allowance.
The sites have been adopted or even hijacked in recent years by hostels and commercial holiday organisations which I dont think is fair.
At least at a home stay, which is what we are, you have your own room, and all meals provided though there's nothing to prevent you buying extra food.
But there's a time and place for these things and 1 think we will stop being hosts and become volunteers! Then we'll know who gets the best deal.

Jalima1108 Mon 04-Feb-19 17:04:05

Sorry Grammaretto - I was just surprised at the extent of this and noticed one which I know and thought hmm a working farm not wanting to pay a decent wage?
I'm sure you don't expect free farm labour.

However, I won't suggest it to DD - not even you could get her to eat porridge.

Lily65 Mon 04-Feb-19 17:23:35

But surely after a week or so, there must have been a rather unpleasant atmosphere? I would have perhaps asked them what they liked and then encouraged them to cook.

As for breakfast, I don't like sitting eating it. I don't go bed and breakfast for this reason.

KatyK Mon 04-Feb-19 17:28:02

We had some friends to stay once. The lady of the couple is a bit of a fusspot. We would go out in the day but they were here for breakfast. I made sure I covered every eventuality. I bought everything for a fried breakfast, I bought various cereals, skimmed, whole and semi skimmed milk, jam, marmalade, butter, low fat spread, you name it, it was here. She was happy. We stayed with them sometime later and when we got up for breakfast, she said 'Ive made porridge as that's what we have' I told her I didn't like porridge and she said she didn't have anything else. She didn't even offer me a slice of toast. No breakfast for me then. smile

Grammaretto Mon 04-Feb-19 18:20:43

I'm not offended Jalima and I disapprove of using free labour in general but if volunteers want to do the work on farms say, for nothing for a few weeks should they not be allowed to?
As a horse mad teenager my DM paid for me to learn horse management. I worked all week cleaning stables and feeding horses for the promise of a ride on one at the end of the week. I loved it but DM thought it a con.
I think of the helpers as somebody's children and I don't expect them to do anything I wouldn't expect my own AC to do.

KatyK how mean of your friends!!

Jane10 smile

Jalima1108 Mon 04-Feb-19 18:32:01

but if volunteers want to do the work on farms say, for nothing for a few weeks should they not be allowed to?

I am just amazed at what some of the hosts (Australia) are expecting in exchange for food and accommodation (and experience), eg one expects helping children with school work (teaching experience preferred) plus help with some domestic duties such as washing, cleaning, cooking
Veggie garden weeding/watering/planting
Gardening, mowing, watering
Care and feeding animals
flexible about time off grin
Own transport required

Of course, many youngsters will be keen to get in their 88 days farm work to get a second year visa - not realising that they can work on farms and get paid well for the experience.

Jalima1108 Mon 04-Feb-19 18:33:24

Yes, years ago my MIL's parents had to pay for her apprenticeship in a posh department store.

MissAdventure Mon 04-Feb-19 18:34:04

My friend backpacked around Australia, and some of the work she was expected to do went way above and beyond!
Hair raising! shock

Cold Mon 04-Feb-19 18:37:55

I think being cold or hot depends what you are used to. I went whale watching in Iceland in June this year. The company warned us it would be "very cold" and provided survival type suits. Everyone else zipped themselves in and donned hats and gloves while DH and I sat there in our t-shirts. Having been through a Swedish winter it didn't seem cold to us.

Food depends to a large extent on what you are used to. If you are used to an expresso or bread and cheese for breakfast - porridge is going to seem very odd. My DH can't cope with the taste or texture and won't eat it whereas the kids love all the different types of porridge that you get in Sweden. Not everyone is going to like everything. I find some Swedish foods hard to cope with - I refuse to try and of the fermented fish, I don't like the caramelized goat butters/cheeses not fruit soup.

sodapop Mon 04-Feb-19 19:13:46

Looking on the bright side Grammaretto If these are the first volunteers you have had problems with then you have been fortunate. I think you should have been told earlier about the dietary requirements, if you do feel cold its miserable though. Maybe as you say its becoming a bit much now and you need to look at alternative ways of helping.

Grammaretto Mon 04-Feb-19 19:58:55

Cold your name does suggest that you are cold or feel the cold.
You are correct and I think this couple from northern Germany were used to much warmer houses than we have in Scotland. Ours is big, old and draughty.
But it is not a hotel. I don't think their room is cold but if it's minus 8 outside its hard to keep warm unless you wear coats indoors. .

dragonfly46 Mon 04-Feb-19 20:09:02

Now you say they were German it rather explains things. They are like the Dutch in that they are very direct to the point of rudeness sometimes.
I am not a breakfast person either although I do eat everything.

grannyactivist Mon 04-Feb-19 20:12:52

Grammaretto - I'd just like to say that what could have descended into a 'difficult' thread has stayed very civil, not least because you haven't taken offense at the different views expressed. And differing opinions have also been expressed very moderately. smile

Lily65 Mon 04-Feb-19 20:57:21

sorry Grammaretto, are you saying the temperature is such that is is necessary to wear a coat indoors?

Perhaps we should swerve away from racial stereotypes?

Iam64 Mon 04-Feb-19 21:00:10

I’m not sure it’s a racial stereotype to describe Germans and Dutch people as direct, more of a reflection on different cultures ?

Lily65 Mon 04-Feb-19 21:02:20

mmmm, I shall ponder. Surely all Germans and Dutch cannot be direct?

Iam64 Mon 04-Feb-19 21:05:07

I’m sure you’re right Lily but not all Brits have a stiff upper lip, until you compare us with say, americans

Missfoodlove Mon 04-Feb-19 23:49:46

My son went off to volunteer in India for 6 months when he was 18. He had no running water, an unusual diet to say the least, temperatures that were crazy! Snakes, spiders and nasty monkeys.
It was the making of him.

BradfordLass72 Tue 05-Feb-19 05:48:10

I love porridge, the Scottish way, and often make it for meals other than breakfast. However, I rarely eat brekkie until after 11am when I've been up 5 hours. Simply because I don't feel hungry until then but can work like a Trojan even so.

Most of what people call 'normal food' : pizza, burgers, pasta, sandwiches etc wouldn't suit me at all as I like to steer clear of wheat whenever possible because it affects my arthritis and even gluten free upsets my tum.
But if I'm at someone house and they are unaware of my preferences, I eat what I'm given and take digestive enzymes afterwards.

I can just about manage a slice of paleo bread but a loaf lasts me well over a month.
I could easily live with a vegetarian as meats hardly ever feature in my diet (although I do get seduced by bacon occasionally smile but strict vegetarians require food to be prepared without any taint of animal products at all.
One of my friends has separate cooking utensils for her man.
So I am a fussy eater, for my health's sake but I would never expect anyone to force me to eat breakfast; they couldn't in fact unless they wanted to clear up the horrible upchuck mess I made as a result. smile

Be glad you didn't have me as a worker Grammaretto!

Compromise, respect and moving with the times is the key to this problem I think.

NfkDumpling Tue 05-Feb-19 07:22:17

Surely one of the reasons they came was to experience fully the Scottish way of life? Would they have complained of being too hot or the lack of pickled cabbage if they’d been on a farm in Fiji? They sound a bit like sterotyped Brits holidaying in Spain and wanting air con, Yorkshire tea and fish and chips.

Grammaretto Tue 05-Feb-19 08:27:32

Thanks for all your comments. I have learned quite a lot about myself!
We have hosted a lot of people over the years. Mostly it's been a lovely exchange and we are still in contact via Facebook with many. We follow their travels, work, sports and sometimes marriages and babies.
I often inwardly thank their parents for bringing them up so well.
If I was going to use racial stereotypes, I would say that generally the Europeans have less of a sense of entitlement than Americans and the southern Europeans eat very late in the evening . The Asians are cleaner than us but are used to smaller living spaces. Better stop there wink

M0nica Tue 05-Feb-19 09:36:52

It usually works well and we've been hosts for years, but occasionally we come across someone whose values and customs are not compatible with ours.

grammaretto that is inevitable. I owned and rented out a flat for some years. Nearly all my tenants were delighted with the flat, we got on well, then I had one who kicked up a fuss because they found one small crumb in the kitchen missed during a thorough clean, went round the flat with a magnifying glass and then stormed out saying the flat was filthy and over-priced. Once she had gone I had a new tenant in days (at the same rent) who was delighted with the flat.

As I said, nothing is so perfect that someone will not dislike it.

Grammaretto Tue 05-Feb-19 09:49:01

M0nica I can imagine!
One of the reasons we don't just rent the room out on airbnb and spend the rent on professional gardeners and decorators. I've read some of the awful reviews some hosts have and realised I would get too upset if we had bad reviews. Maybe I'm a snowflake myself.
One friend tried airbnb and hurriedly asked her teenage DD to clean the bathroom but she forgot. Before my friend could salvage the situation the guest had sent photos and a "disgusted" review to the site, packed her bag and left.