Clicky groups

If you can't beat them, join them! Get your Big Girl Pants on and stride in there like you own the place and DO NOT let anyone undermine your enjoyment and health benefits that you get from your classes. As for your BIL, his loss. Life's too,too short for such churlish behaviour when you're in your 'Golden Years'!

When she asked you if you were OK, she had clearly noticed that you were not joining in the conversation. You could have have answered with a laugh/smile "Yes I am Ok, but I can't get a word in edgeways! You all know each other so well and I don't know anyone!" Saying it with a laugh is important - if you whinge at them for the crime of being friends already, that won't make them want to include such a whiny person in the group, will it?

And PUT AWAY THAT PHONE as many have said. If you seem to be deep in a relationship with your mobile, no-one will interrupt you to force you to talk to THEM instead - they will just keep on talking amongst themselves until you have finished what could be an important conversation - if you ever do.

In whatever situation we are in, we all tend to gravitate to some more than others. However, just go over and join in with others as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. So many people don’t think to invite others into their “ circle” so you have to be brave and just take the plunge.

Life is like that. Some groups are cliquey, some aren't.

Making friends and joining groups is a two way process. You have to be prepared to welcome and approach people yourself, do not leave all the hard work to them. There are so many different organisations to join these days if one doesn't work move to another.

I belong to a local gym and after our class those of us who have been going for years (19 in my case) make a point of being friendly and welcoming to the newbies.

There are numerous different friendship groups within our "group" some days we have group chats, others small groups form and have different conversations.

I am trying to say all be it rather clumsily that you have to make the effort to talk to people, they cannot read your mind and know that you are feeling insecure and left out. There may be a very intuitive person among your group who might pick up how you are feeling, but please just try to join in by making small steps i.e. speak to the person immediately next to you.

I agree with loopylou, find someone else who looks left out and go and talk to them or preferably listen to them. They will come away thinking you are a really interesting person because you have allowed them to talk about themselves.

Many years ago I used to feel like you especially when I had to represent the company at meetings. In the pre-meeting coffee time when I didn't know anyone I went up to a man and tried to talk to him. He cut me dead. I had to decide whether to shrink into myself or try someone else, I did the latter. Now I just think that the worst that can happen is someone will ignore me which is not so bad anyway and there is always someone else. Look outward not inward.

Agree with earlier posts. Don't you see that by being occupied on your phone and then not responding to an enquiry, you were putting up barriers. Maybe she felt uncomfortable that her attempt to start a conversation was rejected.
Did you answer at all or ignore her?
How can you say you didn't want to attract attention while complaining about being ignored?

My own observations are that women are terribly cliquey, given the chance will just socialize with a few close friends and actively exclude others. The other side of the coin is that if a woman is not immediately accepted she feels rejected by that group she will then be hostile, instead of allowing more time.

It happens with men too to a much lesser extent, all you can do is don’t take offense if others don’t immediately accept you and be more proactive but not pushy. Put that phone away too.

I agree with anja there was an opportunity to interact, sometimes you just have to take a breath and dive in. The longer you leave it the more of a problem it will become.

This has happened to me. Now if I am at a gathering I make a point of looking out for people on the fringes who look a bit isolated and talk to them. Often very interesting. Avoid the main herd.

I would give it another go next time you attend and see if things improve,if they where coupled up you may have just felt the odd one out with not having a partner with you.
I would also ditch the phone nothing isolates a person more than playing with their phone and stopping conversation.

I know just how you feel as I've come across it in my life so often.
Sometimes those cliques don't realise they are making someone feel like an outsider so it's up to you not to be one.
Instead of going back into your shell, playing with your phone and feeling you don't belong, give a big smile, get closer to the group and then add a comment or two...or just look pleasantly interested if you don't feel up to speaking.

The fact that someone asked you if you were OK means at least one person cares. The others probably do as well but if you distance yourself from them, they're not going to force you to join in are they?

So it's up to you to be brave and dive in

Someone asked if you were OK. That was an opportunity to put your phone down and join in. How about saying you were fine and asking how she was? There’s your way in.

You say only some of this group are cliquey so chat to those who, like you are not part of the clique. It may be that some of the group socialise outside the gym so have a closer friendship. It happens.
The more you sit there feeling unhappy the more that others will avoid you! Smile & be as cheerful as you can, ask about a popular TV show or something else that you think would start a chat!

Why not ask the person next you an open question and show an interest generally rather than sit playing with your phone and waiting for others to draw you in to the conversation?
It sounds like you're a bit depressed right now. Keep going to the gym and your other activities. Social interaction is as important as physical activity for mental health.

Cliques form whichever group you join, you could start your own one.Seriously, if new to a group just take time to get to know everyone, be pleasant and you will fit in.