Cremation or burial?

It’s amazing what organs can be donated regardless of abuse in the lifetime so, if you think you would like the option, it’s always better to leave the option for them to be used.

Some while ago I wanted to buy my coffin - I figured it would save money when the time came and, meanwhile, it would be useful storage under the bed - my daughter objected! Like the idea of a burial shroud, will investigate- thanks

Ha ha ...I wrote (as is required in law in France) to the Laboratorie d'analysis enquiring how to donate my body (and that of hubby) for medical research, primarily as we have had lots of things wrong with us (greedy or what !) cancer, heart problems, Parkinson's disease, dementia, vasculaire problems, I could go on …..ha ha ...I received back a form to sign saying that when the time comes if they decide they do not want our bodies they would refuse them and return them for burial (cremation is our choice) ...AND they wanted a cheque for 200 euros admin costs, PLUS the cost of returning the body if unwanted, PLUS the cost of the funerals ……..AND saying they only wanted perfect bodies, with no illnesses (can understand if contagious illnesses !) SO ...I thought bodies with problems like ours would have been useful for research or training for new doctors.surgeons, etc but it would seem not ! NOW ...where can I get a perfect body ..does anyone out there have one

MOnica I’ve just had my best laugh in ages reading your post! It properly made me chuckle!

Cremation for me. Scatter my ashes in the rose garden at the crematorium same as other family members. No headstone thank you.

NotSpagetti That wool coffin is beautiful, simple and elegant. Looks expensive though!

I Googled cardboard coffins after reading about them here and was quote surpised at the markup Funeral Directors put on them. Over 300% making them a lot more expensive than a simple wood coffin.

In UK law you cannot bind someone to do things after your death so no point putting what you want to happen to your body in your will. However, I have a letter of wishes which I put with my will to let my family know what I would like them to do. It includes not wearing black and having a big party.

I don't have strong feelings about whether to be cremated or buried but DH wants to be buried so we will have a double plot.

I think a funeral is important for most people, it is part of the grieving process and helps to accept the death, especially if unexpected. Someone I loved died overseas in the days before they flew bodies back. I don't think I accepted it properly until just a few years ago I went over to the grave.

When DS died many people traveled a long way for his funeral and I think it mattered to them.

Don't watch this if you feel death is no layghing matter!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WjMdfEc0Ck

I did read somewhere u can be frozen and then u sort of disintegrate anybody heard anything about it??? I don't like the cold but Wud prefer it to being cooked but then I also heard u can have yr remains made into a stone for a ring??? Not sure my granddaughter wud be up for wearing that haha

Just back from doing our wills and also becoming Tenants in Common on our house. This is so each of owns a half share and if and when we need a care our assessment will only take into consideration the half share in the property. The whole lot of our estate is left in a bloodline trusts. Worth thinking about.

That thing where they mix your ashes into a firework and light you, that sounds magic. I love fireworks

I am opting for a cremation,then the ashes put in an urn in the chapel, with a photo and some flowers by the photo, this way it isnt as upsetting for everyone to see the coffin,My ashes are to be taken to the UK and placed by my parents ashes in the memorial garden next to our Church.I know my wishes will be respected.

I want to be buried. I’ve always liked cemeteries, have no fear of death and have just read Lincoln In The Bardo, which is wonderful.
The worst thing about cremation is the awful buildings, quasi religious services, production line atmosphere. If my family do that to me I shall come back and haunt them.

I definitely want to be cremated. There's nothing so sad as an unkempt grave. I've lost my mum and sister in the past 4 years and really don't like visiting the tatty grave and memorial site for them. I don't feel in the slightest that they are there in the graveyard, my memories are inside me. I'd hate for any of my family to feel obligated to keeping my grave tidy and having to visit frequently.

Oh, I said to DH that he should scatter my ashes in the Maldives!

suedoku thank you for the tip about the mumsnet thread. I have just read all 28 pages. What a fascinating insight into cremation. So much information and things I had never thought of. All those who want an wicker or cardboard coffin to save the environment would do well to read this thread as it takes longer for them to burn apparently. Very thought provoking thread.

I think these are lovely bellacouche.com/biodegradable-coffin-shroud-prices/ and may see about buying one in advance if there is a way of keeping the moths at bay. We researched all options when we found out my heart is wonky but a Dirct cremation was no cheaper as we live on an island and its not eco friendly anyway. Have bought a double plot in the grounds of a disused church right by the sea. Were surprised how excited we were. DH suggested we took a trip on a lovely day with a plan for me to take of a photo of him lying on the plot. Fortunately we were thwarted by a digger there digging a grave.... Have told the offsprings not to bother organising a gathering at the time as they live hundreds of miles away but have a party sometime when they feel like it if they want to. However find myself thinking a lot about what I would like to say if he goes first. I'm planning to write it all down for him and give it to him next Christmas ....'if we're spared'..

I really would like to be cremated but I live in Malta where cremation is not an option. The choice here is burial in a grave or burial at sea.

It is possible to be taken to another country for cremation but the cost is prohibitive. I’m pretty sure my offspring could put the money to better purposes than shipping my carcass back to the UK.

I had made my Will last October following my house move after losing my DH. It seemed straightforward, everything to my three DC and individual bequests of money and jewellery to my seven DGC.
But it was pointed out to me that if I were to go into a Home (God forbid), there would be very little if any money left, and the bequests would by law have to be paid before anything left could be touched. In other words my DC would get nothing as legally any money would have to be divided seven ways and only then would my children have any claim on the remaining balance.
So I have just added a Codicil removing individual bequests but making sure my DC know my wishes should there be sufficient money.
Horrible to do but in my view totally necessary.

Happysexagenarian - well, it was really inexpensive when I saw them - but I’ve just found them online at £625. I suppose, given that the Leafcocoon coffin mentioned by seadragon is £785 without decoration, it’s probably reasonable. Both types are handmade after all.
I do think the concept of the workshops at Bellacouche is quite interesting though... maybe I should just make my own!

The thing with organ donation is that they can only be donated if you die in a hospital as doctors need to put you on an artificial respirator to keep your blood circulating whilst they remove the organs.
Tissue donation can be done in a non-hosptial setting.
I carry a card but was unaware of the above fact until I mentioned it at a blood donation.

Selsey99
Yes, much cheaper too. I'm mulling it over. Either that, or or an Indian pyre burial or a humanist one in a linen shroud inside a water reed casket and buried in one of their private woodland areas.

I think it is usually important for friends and family to have some kind of event – ritual, memorial, life-celebration, all of those – when someone they love has died, regardless of the body's final destination. It is the last goodbye and it is desperately sad. I have written and spoken – without crying, though very close to it – the eulogy for a number of family funerals and I think that is among the hardest things that I have ever done in my life. Others present have said afterwards that they appreciated and were comforted by what I had said because it gave a true and loving picture of our family member; that's certainly what I tried to do.

Being of Irish extraction, I have always attended and, later, held family wakes. These are the times when the tears cease, often temporarily, because everyone has a story to tell – sometimes funny, sometimes impressive, sometimes sad, sometimes familiar and sometimes surprisingly new. It is the time when celebrating the life of the departed and rejoicing in our own lives, celebrating the love of the departed and rejoicing in our love comes together and that begins to heal our grief.

I feel sure that absentdaughter will respect my wish for no religious ceremony but, when the time comes, will conduct her own farewell to comfort my/her family and have one hell of a wake.

paddyann I agree with you entirely. I don't want my family to feel obliged to visit my grave as I don't visit the cemetary and don't feel that I am not honouring my Mum and Dad. Mum would say "Don't waste your money on flowers" and I can talk just as well to her and Dad anywhere, not just at a graveside. However, I would like it if my children could go out to dinner when I die, and talk about memories if they wish, but it is up to them.

Thank you all for sharing with this good advice.. I too will have to update my and my husbands will...

I bought my funeral when i cashed in my pensions and have opted for direct cremation, although the company i bought my funeral from had stopped doing that when i bought mine, i have made my wishes clear to my daughter and do have it written down with my funeral plan. i do not want my death to be a financial burden to my daughter or an unduly sorrowful occasion and have said any money left to be used for a holiday