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baby shower

(30 Posts)
AngelD Wed 13-Feb-19 21:44:31

My daughter-in-law and her mother kindly invited me to a "due date shower" for her preemie baby that came home a few weeks ago. All invites have gone to my DIL's friends and family only, because I agreed to host one for our side of the family as well. I prefer not going because
a) this is a "her side" party and I will feel awkward being there.
b) I barely know anyone which will make me feel very uncomfortable because I don't like crowd
c) I've showered them with tons of gifts already and would feel even more awkward not bringing anything
d) I think it would be more intimate for my DIL to have only her side of the family around and
e) I would prefer not having to invite her mother because I'd like my party to be more like an intimate "sip 'n see", that isn't focused on gift-giving but rather for our family and friends meet and greet the little guy because most haven't met the baby yet but have already given gifts while he was in the NICU.
I guess my question is: how do I turn down the invitation politely without offending my DIL and her mom and what do I say? I don't have a legitimate excuse like I'm away or something. And how to I explain to my DIL that I prefer only inviting my side of the family without her mom?

muffinthemoo Fri 15-Feb-19 13:54:22

I'm a bit confused over the wisdom of ANY shower/sip n see for a premie baby who is just passing their due date. I would be mortally afraid, if it was my premie baby, of them picking up a cold or other virus from a large bunch of visitors. Bronchiolitis is no laughing matter, especially for someone whose little lungs were not finished when they came into the world.

But I guess your son and DIL have already made that decision.

AngelD Sat 16-Feb-19 18:03:44

By the time the baptism celebration is done, she/they will have had 6 parties! Anyway, it is what it is. I love her regardless. smile
Changing the topic: who makes the decision what grandparents will be called by their grandchildren? My son wants me to be called Oma to follow his Oma's footsteps, who passed away a while ago. Even though she was phenomenal with her grandchildren, she was absolutely ruthless to me before I gave birth to the first grandchild. Even after that, I was the recipient of many painful stabs. Anyway, to make a long story shorter, I don't want to be called "Oma". He doesn't want me to be called Grandma (my mom) because, and I have no idea why, he doesn't have a lot of respect for her. But that name rolls off my tongue much easier. So I thought of a compromise: Gramama. Any input? hmm

muffinthemoo Sat 16-Feb-19 22:42:21

Angel: Honestly, the grandchildren should decide. Do you have existing grandchildren, and if so, what do they call you?

Wheniwasyourage Sun 17-Feb-19 07:24:19

No, I think that you should decide yourself what you should be called , and stick to it. That's what we did, and it means that one set of DGC have 2 sets of grandparents with the same names. They sorted it out at very early ages!