WWYD? Am I over-reacting? Not heard from relative for a while

How far away to do you live from him?
I think I would have to do something, if I were in your shoes.. I'm not sure what though.
Thinking cap on.

Have you checked the death records? He could also have gone into care? In either case, the house would still be in his name because it hasn't yet been sold.

I would think a note to a neighbour with an stamp addressed envelope for reply or an email address would be best.

we lost touch with my OH's godmother .She didn't ever answer her phone and MIL was increasingly worried.So I got the name of a local GP and e-mailed him saying just that,we were worried an dwanted to make sure she was OK.
He sent one of his receptionists round to check on her an dgot back to me .She was fine just switched her phone off a lot because she was getting loads of cold calls .We were very grateful to him .Maybe there would be someone near your cousin you could ask to check on him for you?

MissAdventure - I am on the other side of London to him. About an hour and a half's drive, according to google maps.

M0nica - I can't see how to search recent death records. I've looked on .gov.uk and can't see where to search registered deaths. I'm in the process of resetting my ancentry.co.uk password as I've not used that site for a long time, and I'm not sure they have very recent deaths anyway?

paddyann - that's a good idea. I will see if I can find any GPs in his area and give them a try.

I feel a bit silly, as it's "only" four months. But it's the Christmas card thing that's really making me worried.

I am going to at least send a letter with my return address on, and see if that prompts him to contact me.

1 1/2 hours doesn’t sound all that far if you are really worried. I thought you were talking about the other end of the country. Why not just take a trip over? Ask neighbours etc if you get no reply.

Does he have any other family apart from you and the other cousins who don't bother with him? Do you know any of his neighbours whom you could phone?

I know that people 'prune' their Christmas card lists but that is worrying if he usually sends you one. One of my relatives isn't able to write her own cards now but I do get one signed on her behalf as she has family and we do phone each other occasionally.

The Salvation Army in his area could possibly send someone to find out if he's in residence still. Was he a member of any clubs you could contact, British Legion maybe?
I think I'd be making a trip to see him, especially if you don't get any response in another month.

Putting your address on the back of an envelope is good with 'Return to sender if undelivered' but even that means it could be popped through the mailbox and lie there for a while.
I hope this all turns out well.

To be honest, if he didn’t ever give you his address or phone number, and was preparing to leave London, then he’s not interested in keeping up with you and has likely moved house.
Why worry about somebody who you don’t have a good relationship with?

HurdyGurdy, have you tried directory enquiries for a phone number?
(The OP does have his address, lemon grove.)

No its not ridiculous. I would contact the Salvation Army. Or the police. I would do it sooner rather than . He may be ok but just in case...

I think I would be inclined to drive there myself, rather than get an outside agency involved.
It will be quicker, and your mind will be at rest.

You can hardly contact the police or SA if you haven't made the effort to drive for 1 and a half hours and checked for yourself.

You seem to have gone to some lengths when the obvious thing would be to go and see for yourself.
Do you have to drive? Could you not do it by public transport if you are not happy about driving.

You could have been well on your way HG by the time it took to post your query.

if it were me I'd just take the tube and go knock on his door... if you feel that might be unwelcome, you could always ask a neighbour if they've seen him.

I was about to say that. Make an effort to go over there. You may not drive but surely could manage it on public transport? If that’s not a realistic option, then as someone upthread suggested, write to a neighbour with a sae.

How about local shops?
If he has a paper delivered or something you could phone them.

Why not write a letter to the people who live next door to him ? I did this once when a friend suddenly stopped communicating , and I found out that she'd been really ill. Neighbours often know the person, or at least they'd know of him. Just a thought .

You'/re all right, of course. I should just go and knock at the door.

I'm just a bit "hmmmmm", because in all the years he's lived there, he's never invited me there. He's been here a few times - I always thought it was because we had the children and it was easier for him to visit us rather than take over his house - and he's alluded to coming and visiting over the past year but not got further than that. I don't want to go barging in where I'm not wanted.

But I've hardly slept tonight, and I need to know one way or the other, so I will pop a letter into the post to him on the way to work this morning, and will get myself down there at the weekend.

Thank you all.

Please come back and tell us HurdyGurdy, as my imagination is going all negative due to some past experiences of my own

You can actually Madmum.
However I've just read that Hurdy Gurdy can drive there so there isn't really a problem.

Oh now is the time to swallow all your past hesidencies and go to his house Do you have a friend you could take as company Just because you ve never been is no reason to not go now It’s worrying you and so you need to alley those worriesif you are met with a ‘what do you want’ attitude you can drop all your cares and your emails but the poor man could be ill, dead, moved or anything and you need to know for your peace of mind If you are mobile make the hour and a half journey to put your mind at ease If there is no answer ask neighbours, four months is a very long time to have no contact and you will never forgive yourself if there was something you could have done and didn’t
Let us know the outcome

HurdyGurdy. I'm so sorry. This is a difficult situation and so worrying. You are right to keep in touch. I think most families of that size have at least one member who is less communicative. In my DD's family there was a lot of Autistic Spectrum and Dad was very quiet and not a socialite! But well loved. I am a bit reclusive as is my cousin the one who. like yours, is nearest to my age as the others are as old as my mum. This too as a result of a large Edwardian family and the fact that my Dad married late to a younger woman.
I have now lost my cousin's address! It's awful! I was totally messed up by a criminal builder - another very long story.

I would do everything you can. He may be going into dementia, he may even know he is getting forgetful and want to hide. But if you find him that would be better for him I think. There are so many things it could be. I would pursue it if you can. For your sake as much as his. If the news is the saddest - that he has died, then at least you will know.

Well done for keeping in touch with him. I worked with people with Autism. Not saying he is Autistic but just saying I know that people who find it hard to make social connections and don't know what to say still need to have friends and family around them. It's lovely that you didn't give up like his other relatives. Good for you!

An hour and a half travel time isn't very much unless you have your own health problems . Why not just get on the tube and see for yourself instead of trawling for GP surgeries or death notices, it would seem to be far simpler.