Really worried about 12 year old grandson

When I was a teen it was the kids of parents who were confident that their kid would never do drugs/sex etc who were doing the most of all of it!

Those of us whose parents acknowledged that it wasnt just "bad" kids who tried things, tended to be more moderate in our experimentation

He’s a good kid and his friends are aswell I don’t think he knows what drugs even are and I don’t think he will smoke he doesn’t like it when his mum does.

Hopefully tomorrow will turn out to be a good thing I’m dreading the worse though ?

The fact that he is so BAD at it is somewhat reassuring.

He tried something his mates talked about. This wont be the last time, he will probably try other things they talk about like drinking, smoking/vaping, drugs etc

Oh dear - he has given it a try and is taking the consequences - I would guess that he is being egged on by other children who say how easy it is. He has to allowed to take the consequences of his actions and you should not protect him too much. He will get a royal telling off and he deserves it. Hopefully it will put him off another attempt.

It is so hard trying to deal with boys at this sort of age - they do push the boundaries.

I wish that parents would consider the children when separating/divorcing

Because living with 2 miserable parents who hate each other is just great for kids??

OP shoplifting isnt necessarily a symptom of a deep dark issue. Its risk taking/testing behaviour that a lot of teens try.

If it is persistent then it is probably a sign of a bigger problem

There are things that can be done to scare kids about age of legal responsibility but your GS sounds like he has been sufficiently scared.

It’s got even worse the shop have rang me again today as they were going through there cctv grandson and one of his friends were captured on Camara putting sweets into grandsons bag on Sunday afternoon grandson wearing the same cloths so they new it was him as soon as they zoomed in on his face ?

I’ve just told grandson that the police have also contacted me and they want him and his friend to go for voluntary interviews obviously me or his mum have to sit in the interview with him.

Could one of these voluntary interviews end up with him being arrested ? ?

Grandson is devastated I’m also really worried and upset I haven’t told his mum yet as she’s at work until 10 tonight.

I’ve just hugged him and told him not to worry but I’m really worried myself ?

GillS ??

I think some counselling would be of help for all four of you.

This boy is clearly traumatised by his parent's separation and now seeing so little of either parent, with his mother working such long hours. His action strikes me as cry for help from a sad and uncertain boy at critical time in his life.

The family need help. Parents and child, so that he can understand what is happening to them and they can fully understand how traumatic it is for him and both by word and action show him that he is the most important person to both of them. You need help to know exactly what you can do to ensure these outcomes.

Please try not to worry too much. My middle aged son did exactly the same at that age. Got caught, was thoroughly told off by the shop owner and never, ever, did it again. Normal family, no break ups (then), so no reason other than he thought it was a good idea at the time. The fact my son got caught first time was the best thing for him.

No he’s just really strict with gradson and his other older kids from his first marriage there like 18-20 now though

Is the dad bullying him ?

I don’t think he’s being bullied he’s got a few friends who all seem like decent lads when I’ve seen them. He’s only been at the school since October though so he could be meeting new Friends all the time.

If he’s been a bit quiet recently it sounds as though there’s something on his mind. Are you sure he’s not being bullied by anyone to steal things? Does he have some good friends?
Something made him do this out of character thing. I think a quiet talk with you and his mum until you find out what’s going on.

Could you or his Mum be with your grandson when he tells his Dad? I realise not all separated couples could manage this.

I will suggest to him that it’s better that he tells his dad himself and it’s much better than him finding out from Simone Else.

He’s a quite shy kid anyway and he doesent have the best confidence so he could find it difficult to tell him ?

You sound very loving op.

I would persuade your grandson to tell his dad himself.

Dad may turn up trumps

Honestly Itsjo your grandson sounds like a lovely boy who did a daft thing and (thankfully) got caught.
I will think of you all at the weekend.

We haven’t actually told his dad yet grandson didn’t want us to. He’s quite strict and harsh on grandson he used to be in the army.

My daughter may tell him but I think grandson will be to scared to tell him

Good luck you sound like a caring family ☘️

I hope it's a one-off too. Would his dad speak to him about what he's done?

You have given him a break from it today. Perhaps raise it again in a very firm manner but without shouting and tell him where dishonesty leads.

You've probably thought of all this anyway. Good luck.

His a good lad so hopefully it’s a one off me or his mum haven’t mentioned it today to give him a break from it. Me and his mum will probably sit him down at some point over the weekend for a long calm chat and see if anything is bothering him because he has been a bit quiet in the past few weeks but that could be me just overthinking.

Hello Itsjo70 I have the feeling your grandson has been scared enough not to risk this again.

My son was 11 when he was caught the same way, although he was stealing from a school friend.

No prosecution but it took its toll and a lot of love and reassurance, talking though how he felt (angry and ignored because of recent family trauma) and my promise to always listen and be supportive.

Like your boy, he was normally polite and respectful, very loving and thoughtful and went on to make a career in the army. He now owns his own business.

I completely disagree that one should blame parents. It has been my experience that children also suffer in a combative and distressed household where parents "stay for the sake of the kids" and fight all the time.

Frankly, I see no point in blaming anyone - this is life, do your best to make a situation better, not worse by apportioning blame. How does that help?

Be optimistic Jo70 and just keep loving him unconditionally.

Lovely story Deedaa thank you for sharing. x

DS stole from my place of work when he was about 14. A few weeks later he was caught shoplifting. Two trips to the police station and one caution later I pointed out to him that he was obviously a rubbish thief and should give it up. His main fear was that his sister would find out so he stopped. Nearly 30 years later she still doesn't know and he is strictly law abiding.

Totally agree EV