What do you want ‘ professionals’ to call you?

I hate it when a group of mature women are referred to as 'the girls' as in the MEN on the shop floor and the GIRLS in the office.

Strangely I am happy to be referred to as LASS although there are very few older men around to call me that now.

It's just occurred to me that my butcher calls me by my first name - but I've never told him my name!

Both my husband and I have had hospital 'experiences' in the last few months/years and each time have been asked what we preferred to be called. This more than once by different members of medical staff.

I was brought up in Yorkshire so I'm in the habit of calling everybody "love", now in the West Country it tends to be my lovely, my lover no I'm not or hun, none of which I object to.

I dislike the assumption that I am called my by first forename, this has to be used on Official forms but I'm unlikely to respond to it unless at Doctors/Hospital/Dentist etc.

Hospital staff have always asked me what I wish to be called.

I resent people using my forename if they don't know me, I may only be 63 but I am Mrs & like to be referred to as Mrs Legs unless I am asked is it alright to call you L (forename). I hate guys, dislike Madam or Lady no I'm not & hate daaarling

Don't mind, just do not like love or dear when said in a passive aggressive way.

There are so many younger women using the names babe and hon on a recycle facebook page I use. I dislike it and refuse to have anything to do with these 'girls'.

My friend always refers to us as 'girls' - she's 81

Can I ask for a poll on what people prefer to be called by waiting staff in cafes and restaurants when they don't actually know your name. My dd had a temp job in the uni hols waiting tables in a local eatery and I cringed to hear her call mature ladies, "my love" or, "my dear". "But what am I to call them?" she asked. "I can hardly call them, "hey you!" I suggested madam as, though I realise its connotations I just feel it's more respectful, especially from a much younger person, but it would seem a lot of you object to that also?

I don't see 'love', 'dear' etc., as patronising when the rest of the attitude isn't.

And I really don't come across many patronising professionals, in fact the last one was a doctor in the hospital, very patronising indeed and he called me Mrs BL72 the whole time.

NoddingGanGan

To me, respect is not shown by the use of an endearment or name, which is why I don't mind being called dear, love, Sweetie etc., as it is usually done with affection and a smile.

Respect or patronisation is an attitude, not just a misused appellation.

I think a lot of what people see as patronising is a combination of their own mindset (it's in their minds and not that of the speaker) and the British class system: 'I'm better than the cleaner/waitress, so she shouldn't call me 'Love'.

Not sure a barista, or someone who doesn't know you, needs to call you anything. If they do, then it's obviously from friendliness and possibly customer service. So what?

A bright smile and 'Black coffee?' just to confirm the order, is enough, especially as s/he is going to learn that whatever endearment s/he uses, it's going to be misconstrued.

Other than by friends and relations I prefer to be called by Mrs....
rufus. I don’t expect you are older than me. 96 today!

If I know the professional well,
Eg My Gp I am happy to be called by my christian name (may be I should say first name)

What drives me mad is when I get a phone call from services eg BT, energy provider etc and they assume without asking to be on first name terms.

Or I receive an advertisement letter saying Hi Cherry or Dear Cherry .....

Then of course there is the cards that wish Cherry a happy christmas. Grrr

Happy Birthday
Bijou ? ???

It really depends on circumstances. Had a very young angsty plumber in house calling me darling. Which I did not like. My gardener calls me mate, which I don’t mind! In a hospital, I’d be happy with first or surname.

Happy birthday Bijou

Bijou belated Happy Birthday! I hope you had some ??with your ?!

nodding It’s a difficult one isn’t it?
Personally I’m happy to be called Madam and I think it’s always ok to call a man Sir.
But then it’s complicated by age. I think most young people would fall off their chairs laughing if a waiter called them Sir or Madam.
On the other hand, young people are probably quite happy to be addressed as ‘you guys’ even though many older people dislike it.
That leaves the problem of how to address a young customer in the singular.

My Mum used to say: 'You can call me owt you like, as long as you don't call me late for dinner."

It seems that every one of the available options is hated by some of us, so perhaps the only PC thing to do is drop the use of all personal references.

Letters should all begin with a simple 'Hello', and people in public, if they need to get our attention, should just use a loud 'Excuse me'.
It just means that 100% of people in hearing shot might turn to see if they are being addressed, instead of the 50% that might respond to a loud 'Sir', or Madam' etc.

Problem solved ?

Wishing you a "Very Happy Birthday" Bijou and

I don't mind Danni or Mrs Rae - not fussy really!

rufus. I don’t expect you are older than me. 96 today
Bijou: Belated congratulations! Awesome! You're right , that will take some beating, as well as some good genes, but clean living doesn't necessarily come into it, speaking personally of course! I expect you're still living it up!
But you deserve at least a virtual GN birthday bash; my 91st is still a vivid memory,
Good Health and Good Luck.

But for those who you who don't like "Madam" how DO you address someone whose name you don't know?

Yesterday at the supermarket I noticed a woman had left her walking stick in the trolley, so said "Madam, you've left your stick"

It seemed preferable to "Oi, you!

Phoenix

I would say, "Excuse me, you've left your stick", or maybe, "Ooh, don't go - you've forgotten your stick!", or something similar.

Yes, that would have been good! But what about how you're addressed in shops, such as the situation Charleygirl described?

Do you think it's better to use no form of address at all?

address someone whose name you don't know?
Phoenix; no prob.! Pick up the stick, follow the lady and say"Excuse me I think this may be yours". Otherwise you're forcing the lady to walk back, without her stick to retrieve it! Simple really!

Yes, but that still doesn't answer the question as to how you should be addressed when engaging with staff in shops, restaurants etc.