Brilliant, the gentle email from Corbyn and Macdonalds reply, bet queenie does take that attitude with that family ?
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Interviews with famous people/politicians and diary extracts, not entirely serious! [smile]
(70 Posts)Having read two of Corbyn’s diary extracts, I went along to
Islington, but his door was firmly locked.Not wanting to waste my rail fare, I thought I would pop along to Boris’s house and try my luck, this time I would say I was a fan and wing it from there.As it happened, I didn’t need to, as half way down his path, the door was flung open and there was the great man himself.There you are, he said, come in, come in, let the interview commence, what!
I was ushered into a large and somewhat dishevelled looking kitchen, in fact a bit like Boris himself, who was dressed in black jogging trousers,and a white tee with the slogan ‘who dares wins’ in blue lettering, one black sock and one white sock on his large feet.
I commented on his socks, asking if this was a new fashion,
Haha! He cried, they were all I could find in my sock drawer.
Sitting at the scrubbed pine table that dominated the room, I pulled out my shopping list and pencil, ready to start.
What do you think of your chances to become the next PM I asked? Boris folded himself onto a chair and sighed, well, obviously he answered with an attempt at a modest smile,
I am numero uno choice and number 10 has always been my lucky number.Would you try and heal the divisions caused by Brexit if you were PM I probed, and would you
Forgive Gove for what happened last time? He ran both hands through his hair and laughed, what happened with Gove was just piffle he wheezed, and anyway there are no divisions .....that’s just fake news! You sound rather like Donald Trump there Boris, I said, he brightened at this, Oh do you think so, well, he is a bit of a role model and we are a bit similar.
I’ll let myself out I say.
Extract from an email sent by John Mc Donnell to Jeremy Corbyn.
WTF Jeremy! This is what we have been waiting for, dreaming about! Get a grip! Don’t let those b******ds get to you.F...k the Latin! Put that gooseberry sh** down and go to bed.....now!
Intercepted email from Jeremy Corbyn to John McDonnell.
It’s me again John, I know I should be happy now that Theresa May has finally gone ( or as good as) but I had got used to her and now find myself worrying about her successor.Who will I have to face at PMQ’s come the Autumn.Boris frightens me, he’s so big and went to Eton and keeps saying things in Latin. Raab was a lawyer, and you know what they’re like, always nit picking at you to catch you out.Gove may be small, but he has a way of looking at
you while he’s smiling and talking, makes me feel like a mouse cornered by a chatty cobra.
I will be on tenterhooks now until the end of July.
I felt so anxious this evening that I had three glasses of my
Gooseberry wine, and you know that’s not like me.
Am I getting a bit too old for this malarkey do you think? I do secretly long for those quiet backbench days,when all I had to do was to veto all the bills and dream about my allotment.
I need a supportive word or two from you, where are you tonight anyway?
Extract from HM the Queen’s diary
What an absolute disaster today has been.It started badly enough as my muesli had no raisins, none at all! Oh there were plenty of sultanas and currants and nuts, but I especially enjoy raisins.One doesn’t like to complain to servants, but I did anyway.
Paxo and Nutmeg were naughty little darlings and did wees
On the Aubusson rug in my bedroom, I rang for my maid
And she took them out for walkies while a footman cleaned up.Poor dears, they can’t help it, getting old just like their mistress.
After lunch Philip announced to us all that he was going to take a spin to Hunstanton.He had a fancy to walk on the beach there.One was horrified! Told him in no uncertain tone that was impossible and that he would need the chauffeur if he went anywhere in the car outside Sandringham.A most upsetting scene then ensued which ended in him roaring don’t tell me what to do Liz, and then
Storming out.Charles ran after him to restrain him and was punched in the eye for his trouble.
I sat serenely at the dining table, one is used to family scenes but has to rise above it.
Meghan looked horrified and Harry was grinning ( why is that boy always grinning?) I sent William after Philip, as he has a calming unfluence on him, but it was too late, as the
Landrover was already in motion and heading for the main road.It’s 10.30 pm now and he still isn’t back, that man can be so infuriating!
It can be anyone well known, doesn’t have to be a politician.
It’s a bit of fun isn’t it.....and we all need a bit of light relief.
?to sodapop and creativeness get well soon ladies.
Feelingmyage55 and trisher have joined in.....where are the rest of you? Have a go! ?
These are absolutely brilliant ladies!
I particularly loved the Putin to Trump one! You have the language as we we imagine it to a ‘T’ lemongrove
Very clever!
?
Found on Cowley Street London SW1
Dear Nanny,
You have always been, as I think you know, my dearest supporter and best defender my entire life. No wonder then at this terrible time I turn to you for the support I need. Nanny people are not being nice to me (and I have tried repeating Sticks and stones etc so many times) and Nanny it does hurt.
You always assured me Nanny that I was the best boy and that I could do anything I set my mind to and do it well. It has been your vision of me triumphing in all things that has driven me onwards. But Nanny something awful has happened. I used my extensive knowledge and my prodigious intelligence to write a book. It was about my favourite period in history and I called it "The Victorians". Alas the general public has failed to recognise my genius (I blame the state education system! Why most of them can hardly read anyway) and they have not bought my book. It isn't too bad because I did ensure I was paid in advance and I cashed the £12500 cheque some time ago. But now I am wondering Nanny I would so like to write another book, but unless I can sell some more the publishers will not give me any advances. So I just wondered next time you take the children out please could you make sure they all purchase a copy. If you could do this on a few occassions it would really give the figures a boost. Then I can ask for my next advance and start my new book "Why the Feudal System was Best".
Thank you
Love and big hugs
Jacob.
Not been well just now & I needed some light relief great
Brilliant Lemongrove love the Putin/ Trump one. I have not been well for the last few days and you really cheered me up.
and trisher 
thank you
I love the Vlad email to Don!!
‘Lost in translation ‘, brilliant ?
A valiant attempt lemon to lighten the mood! 
cheers!
These are very clever. I won't join in. Mine would be rubbish!
Intercepted email from Vladimir Putin to Donald Trump
Hello! Greetings from Russia this fine sunny day.I see you have lots of troubles again from so many peoples! Do you carry gun at all times? I do, am crack shot you know and not need bodyguard ( although I have ten ) they surround me wherever we go, they care about me so much.
Why you not visit me here this Summer, we could have manly wrestle in woods, shoot bear, swim icy river with no
Clotheses, you would love!
I also see you are having state visit to UK soon, am wondering if you put in good word for me, there, I am not so popular since Salisbury thing went wrong ( which of course, I know nothing about) it was a misunderstanding, you know, lost in translation.
Do this for me and I return favour sometime, what is it you say, we can scratch each other backs? Must go, have judo match to take part in, and yes, I shall win.
Your friend,
Vlad
?
intercepted email from Diane Abbott to Jeremy Corbyn
Hey, whasssup? D’you mind if I give your talk to the revolutionary workers collective at the Dog and Duck a miss tonite? I need to catch up with a box set of something (something serious obvs.)
Aren’t things exciting at the mo? With May as good as gone
There could be a general election and you will be a truly
Marvellous PM, think of all the things you could do!
For a start you could increase police numbers, at the moment we have about 160 so you could up that to about 6 million, or should that be thousand? Something I really, really want you to do is to reinstate Wed afternoon closing,
Stop Sunday opening hours and give those poor workers a
break.
At least you won’t have to face ‘her nibs’ at PMQ’s any more!
Let’s hope Boris Johnson doesn’t win, I know you find him big and scary, little Michael Gove would be my choice.
Are we still on for the IRA celebration reunion at The Savoy?
Di ?xxx
Found somewhere in Kensington
Woke up. Wondered who the hell is this beside me???List of names whirled in my head and I picked one.... Got it right! Thank goodness! Whispered a few sweet nothings but she said she wasn't in the mood so I wondered, is it time to move on? But I know I can't. Time to stop fancying every bit of totty I see and concentrate on building a steady relationship. Apparently that's what wins votes. But you have to wonder if they will walk around in short skirts and tight tops what is a red blooded Englishman supposed to do....? Anyway I am building a new profile and doing less humour and more positive elder statesman, but it's bloody difficult. And now some Lefty twat has taken legal action against me. I thought that was why we changed the legal aid system to stop the plebs from clogging up the courts. Apparently he used something called crowdfunding to raise the cash. When I am PM I shall look into stopping that. MG is gaining ground! Memo to self -look for a good looking young journalist for next Mrs J-. Used to think having a sister in the business was enough but that's the trouble with sisters they hold grudges, about things like the time you put dead mouse in their bed (it was funny when she screamed), and take their revenge when you least expect it.
In Islington again this morning and thought I would try the back door as the front door was locked.....result! It was, so I was able to nip in and get another peek at the little red book.
Extract from Corbyn’s diary.
Just put my slice of seeded wholemeal in the toaster when my phone rings, it was my friend from Hamas! Well, I say ‘friend’ but he is more of an acquaintance really, I think I met him at a Palestinian rally somewhere, but I don’t really recollect.
Jeremy! He says happily, I have good news for you, I come to London soon in June, weather here terrible, too hot, and I need a break anyway.Hello Ismail I say, how are you? All good here
Jeremy I thank you,he replies and how are your lovely wife and children.Very well, I say (I know this will take some time, and so it proves) as he goes on to ask about the health of my dogs, my horses, my hawks my chickens etc.
After a while I tell him all well, except the chickens aren’t laying at the moment.
Then he gets to the point of the call and elaborates on his visit to London.Hamas is economising he says, and although he usually has a whole floor at one of the top hotels for him and his entourage, this time he is considering a stay at my compound.It takes a few seconds for this to sink in.But I don’t have a compound I protest, it’s just a semi with three bedrooms and a small garden.There is a silence before he laughs, long and loudly, Oh Jeremy he splutters you English and your sense of humour!
You have to say British I say, not English, it sounds a bit elitist otherwise, but he had already gone.I may have to go on a long walking holiday in June.
OK I just happened to pass a man wearing shorts and glasses, collecting the morning newspapers the other day and this piece of paper dropped from his hands
Woke early but S was already up. She's taking some new medication which she says is better. I offered her Vit C and suggested she ran to the paper shop with me but she refused and grunted someting about deadlines and winning a leadership contest, then said "don't bugger it up this time" Spent half an hour trying to stack the dishwasher then thought why do we have the Filipino maid anyway? So left a message about the bins and went for a run and the papers. I hear someone's taking Boris to court-every cloud!
You’re welcome Annie 
Brilliant, thank you so much lemon ,
Email from Donald Trump to Nigel Farage.
Hi Nige,
No news yet for you about the banquet but my guys still working on it, so you can bet your ass it’s going to happen!
Banquet....isn’t that a great word? And so English! I had to look up how to spell it btw because you actually say it as
‘Bankqet’ ?? how funny is that!
Am so excited by the thought of this visit, riding in a golden coach waving to all my fans, I know you all love me over there,I thought I would throw signed pics of myself to the cheering crowds,whaddya think?
I just need a heads up buddy, when I greet the Queen, should I shake her hand or do the French thing, kisses on both cheeks? See you soon, it’s gonna be great!!
Extract from Philip Hammond’s diary.
I don’t know what is going on sometimes, though naturally I strive to give the opposite effect, I find a quiet enigmatic look works best.At breakfast I found a strange thing on my plate and looked questioningly at my wife, it’s a kipper Susan said, you may enjoy it.I always have a boiled egg for breakfast with six toast soldiers arranged in a fan shape, Having things arranged just so,gives me a sense of well
being and sets me up for the day.I am put out, but decide to say nothing for the time being.You could smile more, she said ,and even laugh now and again, there’s no law against it.
I give her an enigmatic look and say yet!
Off to Westminster, I put on my favourite raincoat ( there’s no rain that I know of but better safe than sorry) grabbed my briefcase and left the house.
I decided to try out a smile on the duty policeman as I went by, but he staggered a bit and dropped his semi automatic on the pavement, I had to apologise for startling him.
Inside Westminster I went straight to my office, passing two secretaries carrying bundles of papers, I said good morning and tried out a careful grin.....one of them screamed and the other dropped her papers, so I hurried on.
Sat behind my desk, I regained my equilibrium and had a think.Susan had it all wrong, people didn’t want my smiles or grins or happy laughter, they wanted a serious mein, an
Eyeore the down at mouth donkey, a hangdog expression that says ‘trust me’ a look that speaks of a reliable family firm of undertakers.One has to be true to oneself.
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