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A day of lows. How do you cope?

(36 Posts)
Ohmother Mon 03-Jun-19 15:30:49

Friend didn’t see text till too late for meet up info this morning. (She didn’t want my company?)
Best friends have bought a house mikes away and hope to move imminently. (We’ve upset them enough to move right away?)
Quote for work on house twice as much as we thought it would be. (He didn’t want the work ?..although we think he’s great!)
Imminent retirements of long term, nice, colleagues at work. (Smaller fish in large pond of toddlers?)

I need to sleep on all this don’t i? 🙄

lovebeigecardigans1955 Mon 03-Jun-19 15:37:31

When it all comes at once it can overwhelm you. Be kind to yourself.

HildaW Mon 03-Jun-19 15:42:02

Blimey, tension and stress overload! You need to be rested and fit to see your way through that!
Seriously though when everything seems too much to cope with its difficult to see a way through. Sometimes writing it all down....raising a file for each (problem) or task can help.
My other thought though is than when you are a bit overwhelmed by life its so easy to just see all the negatives. Assume someone is upset with you when in fact they, themselves are having a bad time and just cannot raise a smile or engage in small talk. Its a recognised aspect of anxiety that you assume the worst , transferring your own anxieties onto someone else's response and its easy to get it very wrong.
My usual coping mechanism is to grab the dog, don walking boots and go for a walk...in the sun and surrounded by greenery things to begin to come into focus a little better and if its a really long walk....sometimes, just sometimes answers come to me. Cheer up, we all get like this.

Mapleleaf Mon 03-Jun-19 15:43:03

Oh, dear. Yes I think you do need to sleep on this. 🙂
You are seeing everything negatively at the moment, but there are probably good reasons for what has happened -

your friend very likely really didn’t see your text, if she’s anything like me, I don’t always hear my phone and I don’t check it all the time.

Your best friends moving miles away - perhaps it’s for work reasons or family reasons, but just think, you’ll be able to visit, and vice versa.

The quote twice as much as you were expecting? - get some more quotes so you can make comparisons. Perhaps the cost is not way off from other quotes, but if so, then you can try one of the others.

Imminent retirement of colleagues? Maybe they’ve requested it?

Yes, take some time away from these issues then come back and look again and I’m sure you won’t think things are as bleak as you first thought. 🙂

NanaandGrampy Mon 03-Jun-19 15:45:03

I read your post and was in two frames of mind Ohmother , firstly is everything really all about you? Maybe your friend didn't see your text, your best friends have a life and if moving is the right thing for them then that's the right course of action - you see my train of thought?

OR you're possibly dwelling on the changes and putting a negative spin on everything? Just because your friends are moving needed stop your friendship, retirement of colleagues might mean new employees you like even better?

I think these things can be as positive or as negative as you want to make them... Id go for the positives :-)

EllanVannin Mon 03-Jun-19 15:49:04

I usually have a quick blast of a heavy rock cd.

Sara65 Mon 03-Jun-19 16:05:33

Ohmother

If you stop and read some of the terrible tragic stories on here, I think you’ll be grateful you’ve only got a builders quote and a missed coffee date to worry about!

Sorry it sounds a bit harsh, I know we all have down days, but look for the positives, the sun is shining, it can’t be all bad!

Gonegirl Mon 03-Jun-19 16:20:07

Is this what they call catastrophising? grin

Septimia Mon 03-Jun-19 16:28:03

Tomorrow is another day - everything might be totally different, and if it isn't, there's always the day after!

Nonnie Mon 03-Jun-19 16:58:35

I used to get down on my hands and knees and scrub the kitchen floor!

Of course if this has been going on for a long time perhaps you should see your GP but if it is simply a bad spell, wait for it to go away

MawBroonsback Mon 03-Jun-19 17:10:55

How we perceive things can be so dependent on how we feel at the time.
It helps if there is somebody else at home to counsel common sense. I massively overreacted a couple of weeks ago when none of the DDs appeared to reply to a message I had sent enquiring about meeting up in London before something else we were all going to.
Cue- They didn’t want me, I was being left out blah, blah. If Paw had been here he’d have told me not to be silly!
Of course it is sad when friends move away but it is highly unlikely you are the root cause and missing the coffee meet-up seems hurtful, but hand on heart, have you never done this?
I hope tomorrow finds you back to your normal 🌞 sunny self! smile

Gonegirl Mon 03-Jun-19 17:15:40

I know what you mean Maw. flowers

Ohmother Mon 03-Jun-19 17:50:36

Thanks all. It does look all about me doesn’t it? 🙄. But then my stuff is MY stuff and I have a right to be sad don’t I? I was just feeling sooo fed up when I posted and I’m usually the advice giver and cheerer upper of others. Perhaps I’m exhausted by supporting others?

I’ll see how I feel tomorrow. Thanks again all.

Day6 Mon 03-Jun-19 18:02:40

ohmother - go with your feelings of dismay. I know what you mean. Sometimes it gets too much to be always looking on the bright side, always finding positives in negative situation, and always being the one who rallies and uplifts others.

This is personal to you, but you will re-frame it all in time and I hope appreciate that you are not the catalyst for all the let downs and the people moving away. It's probably not personal but I don't blame you for feeling you're being deserted, overlooked, ignored, etc, and wanting a sounding board.

If you cannot do anything about it but feel sorry for yourself (and that is OK in my book) then go and make a nice cup of tea, play some music, do a puzzle or something just for yourself, and say 'sod 'em all' to yourself. You'll feel differently soon, I am sure.

Gloria Gaynor's "I will survive!" might be appropriate here. smile

glammanana Mon 03-Jun-19 18:02:59

Life is too short to worry about others don't you think,pour a large wine and relax, I never worry about anyone.

HildaW Mon 03-Jun-19 21:54:36

Ohmother - Please do not pay too much attention to the criticism about it being 'all about me'. Its a reaction that we all probably felt at one time or another but then life and experience soon showed us that we are all individuals. One person's minor hiccup is another person's dire tragedy. We all cope in different ways and at different times. I've been struggling with a complex house sale and move and it pretty much ground me down. One day I started to remember a similar situation I was dealing with back in my 30s (whilst also going through a divorce and coping with a new baby).....it all seemed a huge adventure and each 'problem' was simply seen as just a task to be completed. Nowadays I worry if the phone rings.....for one reason or other....then worry if it does not for a whole other range of reasons. If a DD does not answer a text inside a few minutes (and one could be working nights) I have them dead in a ditch in my mind!
Its not about you....its the fact that your coping mechanisms are not what they were and also at this stage in our lives we do tend to have the whole range of disasters and emergencies to cope with without the resilience of youth. I wish I could be that callow carefree 30 something I was.,....but I'm not and I just have to live with it. Also I really must stop imagining what others are thinking - I'm always jumping to conclusions - and I'm usually totally wrong. The neighbour who I though was being a bit sniffy with me had toothache and just wanted to get home!

merlotgran Mon 03-Jun-19 22:19:42

You do need to put a positive spin on things when you feel like you have today.

Your friend might have been in a grumpy mood so you got off lightly.

Your best friends will miss you and invite you to stay as soon as they have settled in.

Get a more competitive quote. You don't need to do business with greedy b***ards.

Don't feel miffed about your colleagues retiring. They've earned it.

Sleep well. grin

Jomarie Mon 03-Jun-19 22:33:55

Wise words Merlotgran

Ohmother Mon 03-Jun-19 23:17:15

Just reading the latest before I settle down to sleep. Thank you for the latest kind words. It’s nice for them to come in my direction for once. 😉.

Tangerine Mon 03-Jun-19 23:17:37

Sleep on it. Things often look better in the morning although I appreciate you can't always take this attitude with serious worries.

BradfordLass72 Tue 04-Jun-19 01:32:37

I am so sorry to read that you are feeling low and it may well be tiredness or even hormones.

Even I, at 72, can still feel low during certain times of the month and my doctor tells me we women never truly finish with the wretched hormonal effects.

If I were you, I'd ask your friend, 'Did you get my text? I hope you're not sick or anything?'
Make it light hearted because her answer is the only way you'll know.

Logically, you would have to be one absolutely dreadful neighbour for someone to move house to get away from you!!

Think of the expense and upheaval - have you been putting stink bombs through their letter box and sending unwanted taxis and pizza to their door?

Of course not, so there's another explanation, isn't there? Maybe you could ask them, saying how much you'll miss them and how much you've appreciated their friendship.

As for the lady at work - ask her too. Has she got a job offer she can't refuse?

All these things give you an opportunity to express your own affection and appreciation.

Then go out and buy yourself a large bunch of beautiful Spring flowers and know that someone in New Zealand is thinking of you and hoping you feel 100% better today.
flowers flowers flowers flowers

BusterTank Tue 04-Jun-19 10:24:33

I think you need to chill out and think positive things .
All the time you think negatively , negative things will happen .
Take a couple of days to unwind , then start with a positive attitude .
Then watch your world turn around .

whywhywhy Tue 04-Jun-19 10:36:17

Ohmother, I know exactly what you mean. I had a friend who I always got in touch with, ran after non-stop, did all the driving and suggested every time we met up. I got texts back often too late to do anything that day and end up meeting the next week. Then when I was ill for months on end I just didnt hear from her and havent heard since! My tip dont expect people to think the same as you. Step back and do your own thing. Maybe have a pamper day on your own and chill. Also dont over think things, your friend is moving and you can go and visit them, or they can come to you. Then work on our homes is expensive, so why not get a few little jobs done at a time? Do you have hobbies? Maybe try something new and clear out the old stuff and refresh your brain. But I do understand. Take care and be kind to yourself. We are all only human.

Craftycat Tue 04-Jun-19 10:45:26

Oh come on you lot!! The poor woman can have an 'off' day. Don't we all have days when we feel the world is against us?Oh just me then!!
You just wallow in it Ohmother- we all need a day like this sometimes. I bet you feel much better today anyway.

Now I have got to have lunch with the Wicked Step-Mother today & that really IS something to get depressed about. That woman can bore for England & if you DARE to try to talk about something that does not involve all her (imagined) problems heaven help you!
By 3pm today I will be reaching for the gin!

dragonfly46 Tue 04-Jun-19 11:11:13

It is strange as I often have low days at the moment but at the back of my mind I know that it is temporary and I will soon begin to see the positives in little things. I feel I am lucky in that way. Maybe it is living a day at a time and not looking too far ahead.