Do you ever wonder why people’s lives are so different?

I’m not sure I agree notanan, I think if you start with little, it’s actually easier to take risks, because you’ve got less to lose, I think if I had to go back and live in the little terraced house we started off in, I could, because it was a lot nicer than the council house I grew up in!

If I’d always had a comfortable lifestyle, I may feel I wouldn’t want to risk losing it.

Once youre down in your luck one way the others follow:

Ill health: savings used up: earning potential drops: relationships are affected etc...

Like dominos

I also know poor people and well off people who are carers for children with extreme disabilities. (Think completely imobile & non verbal) Guess which ones see it in the more positive light?

Its not that the poorer family dont look on the bright side, its just that their bright side isnt the same..

If youre comfortable money wise its easier to look after yourself health wise.

Its easier to be carefree and fun to be around.

Its easier to be generous with your time.

You CAN be poor and do those things, but its harder.
You can be financially ok and a grumpy slob, but...

I know quite a few self made millionaires (nowhere near one myself). They would all swear blind it was all down to hard work, and they DID work hard BUT...

It is a million times easier to take risks and chose creative roots if you start off from a comfortable background. If you come from being properly poor you will have an inbilt fear of not earning.. and start ups (as well as taking unpaid work experience in professions) means not earning initially on the gamble of high earning later... which is risk taking behaviour that people who have no family home to go back to if they cant pay rent wont want to take.

I'll never be rich because I am too risk adverse to ever not have a "job". This is because I have been poor. So I wont take the risks that it takes to get properly rich "self made". There is no "family money" to bail me out. No big family home that could put us up. Nothing. No safety net. So I'll always just have "jobs" IYKWIM

I know some things are within our power to change, but a lot aren’t

My husband always says in business, you can work hard, make sound decisions, but you always need a little bit of luck. I think we all need a little bit of luck now and then, makes you feel great when something goes right, doesn’t it?

Well quiz you may well be right but we have made "sensible, well informed choices and following through" and all the bad stuff has still happened, probably because we have just got on with it.

None of the bad things that have happened to us have been because of the choices we made, quite the reverse, the good things have been the result of our choices. I didn't do anything to cause the death of my brother or my son and am not responsible for my miscarriages or the death of a twin.

I try and keep my glass half full then some moron comes and knocks it over!!! At times I feel like Job ( from the bible) I often ask myself 'why me' and then I top up my glass and get on with things as best I can!

Some people do seem to have a lot of luck (nothing to do with going to church though) while others make their own luck by making sensible, well informed choices and following through. I do think some people, who may term themselves 'unlucky', go from making one bad choice to another and then they wonder why bad things happen to them without wanting to take any responsibility for their own actions.

MawBroonsback Tue 11-Jun-19 09:45:08 I agree

4allweknow so sorry to read all that, isn't it hard?

Yes, we have to play the cards we are dealt but they are not fairly dealt. I still have a glass half full attitude but it isn't as a result of good luck, it is a result of being determined to look forward rather than back and recognise the good that DH and I have achieved despite having no help either emotionally or financially.

I have had more, and more varied, 'bad luck' than you would believe and each time I have fought back. Most of the bad things which have happened don't happen to most people, they are relatively rare and have combined to make life very difficult. However we have built an outwardly good life and don't bore people with what life has thrown at us. Only a few very special friends know it all. I think that sounds wrong but don't have a better way to say it without listing it all. Sorry.

I don't know why some are given so much bad and others so much good. Some of us are made stronger by it all but not everyone copes. I have no idea why.

.... oh and by the way .... before the poor him brigade’ take off on a rant.... I’ve had two strokes in his ‘poor me’ time frame... no choice but to get over them!

I’m with you here MOnica.... it’s the attitude you adopt when life throws crap at you... I have my mums attitude... get up, brush yourself of, and start pushing back. My husband alas is of different stock... that’s why 23 years after his stroke he’s still sitting in his armchair falling asleep at 10 in the morning and napping all day.... doing sod all to contribute to the running of the house or noticing I exist as a human being. He was 50 when he became an old man.... I am now 69 years young. He’s a ‘ christian’ I’m a fully paid up atheist! Attitude.... that’s what makes the difference.

leyla What's the saying? - Nothing succeeds like success!

I once heard a Rabbi on the radio saying " the only time you think about your head is when you have a headache"

It really stuck with me.

Natural justice does not exist. It's up to every person to distribute help where needed according to the helper's ability.

What this discussion has proved, reading the sad stories on here, is that good health is the key to everything.

I know I am stating the obvious here, but ultimately nothing else really matters, does it?

If we and our families are fit and healthy then wealth, achievements and contentment with life are secondary.

Having said that, it is a fact that we are fortunate to live in a country with such fantastic opportunities, that if we do have the aforementioned good health, then anything is possible.

I had a good upbringing and career. However, at aged 30, I've been crippled by osteoporosis, brought on by steroids to treat brittle asthma. I have fibromyalgia and ME too. I didn't get a chance to build up much pension. Not that I would need it as I won't live long enough to use it.
I would much prefer myself to endure this rather than my children if someone has to be ill.
Some people seem to sail through life effortlessly, others not. I guess it's the luck of the draw in some cases.

Travelsafer

I totally empathise with you

I made many wrong choices, due to lack of guidance, my husband sometimes asks me if I have regrets, but who knows if I’d have been any happier.

I feel that my life could have been so different if i had had proper guidance in my earlier years. I made so many mistakes through sheer naivety, ignorance and lack of common sense. When i look back i feel sad that i missed so many golden opportunities, but i suppose we could all say that about certain aspects of our lives. I try not to dwell on some things but it is hard sometimes.

Some people are better at presenting the good side of their lives to the world. Some friends of ours were reminiscing and said 'do you remember x - we were having such a terrible time then' they listed lots of things that had been going wrong (mainly professionally) at the time...we had NO IDEA - they are the kind of couple who don't say it at the time.
I also think that having money is a huge help. I know it doesn't buy health but it can save a lot of worry and just make for a more pleasant/charmed life.
I also think that often people who have a charmed life, seem to attract even more luck, and the opposite: when people are down, they get hit with more problems - why is that? Perhaps connected with the fact that what actually happens is affected by what you expect?

My DH and I had very different starts in life, both are aware of those less fortunate and often donate to charity. I work voluntarily to give back to the community. I'm not sure how it all works, but I'm interested. I have 2 life threatening diseases, but glad it's me and not my kids, I'd be happy to take it all for them. I live a good life though, not complaining.

4allweknow

So sorry to hear about your daughter, how very sad for you

We all have to learn to ride the waves in life and I’ve had a few big ones, like most people my age. My brother is not even 60, yet in the past 3 years he has survived throat cancer, then a heart attack and last week had his leg amputated ! I visited him and he is joking about how much money he will save only having to buy one shoe ..... plus him and his wife are dieting and now he has a head start on her as his leg was heavy !! It truly is sink or swim in this life, regardless of religion or any other factor, and it’s how we all deal with it that is important. No one gets out alive anyway !

Sar65 - but they do.

Everyone has their problems be they small or large. We just can't see into other people's lives. I would agree some people seem to be cursed, I have a friend who lost her son at 19 and then lost her daughter 15 years later. She's had more than her fair share of troubles. It's the luck of the draw.