Is it beyond the wit of humanity (note, not "man") to...(lighthearted thread)

Also the tiny print for the directions on ready meals. I would defy someone with good eyesight to read them.

Being able to undo the end of a toilet roll which seems to have been welded to the whole roll!

A new pack of eight cat worming tablets. The first one given whole was spat out several times until it was a soggy mess. I broke the second one in half and put it in her food. Once again it was left. The third I tried crushing between two spoons but it flew off and disappeared. I gave up in frustration and continued to warm up some soup for my lunch. It was a smooth soup so I was a bit suprised to bite into something hard. I'd swallowed most of it before the lightbulb moment kicked in. The cat still hasn't been wormed, but I have!

There's a brilliant joke online about worming a cat if I can find it.

Agree with all except the Weedkiller thing.

I've come to the conclusion that none of these toxic chemicals should be used in our gardens.

I've stopped using them and find that a bit of therapeutic weeding does the job just as well.
And I had mares tail at the allotment.

Trouble is I have several bottles of the stuff in my shed and don't know if a safe way to dispose of them.

Maybe a call to the council.

I agree with all these grumbles. But a word of advice about trying to read food labels, let the manufacturer know. I complained in writing when the cooking instructions were in black type on a royal blue background. Almost impossible to read. I received a £5 voucher and a thank you and they have now changed their labelling!

The door of the toilet for disabled persons was so heavy to help it swing closed by itself that a elderly person including me who is not disabled am unable to easily open it ,a workman & a young female employee of shopping center where testing it & thought it seemed ok to them till I (sticky beak that I am ),butted it & demonstrated how hard it was for me

Lyndiloo, totally agree,I have broken the plastic covers on the glass shelves in my fridge,they stick like glue and struggling with them in the sink,heavy and slippery
.Ugh.
Since cookers,fridges and freezers,have been around for a long time now ,you would think that the design would be good.

In case no-one mentioned it, tops on food jars which are sealed so tight that it's impossible to twist them open - I have a jar of marmalade which is still sitting unused because no-one has been able to open it - manually or with hot water, rubber band etc!

A man who will occasionally admit he is wrong!

Humptydumpty, for a jar-lid that won't shift, try inverting the jar and banging it on a hard surface, apparently this breaks the vacuum beneath the lid.
Failing that, use the tip of a sharp implement to pierce the lid, jar then needs to be kept in fridge!

nipsmum not only those why are scissors sold in packs which need scissors to open them?

May I add doors in the ladies room please? Tonight I will be at a theatre and lots of women will be queuing because the doors automatically close and there is nothing on the outside to say if they are in use or not! I usually wait until I am near the front of the queue and then say 'excuse me' and walk along pushing all the doors and several always open. This is a modern theatre.

I’m an expert at giving tablets to cats. Well to one particular cat. My Pru was asthmatic and when the inhaler no longer seemed to help, she had to have a steroid tablet every day for several years. She never would cooperate but I got really good at catching her and dosing her.

Trays of usually fish sealed so tight you have to wrestle with a knife to break the seal & then use said knife or scissors to release the fish

Plastic packaging round light bulbs, difficult to cut with scissors

Multi packs of toilet rolls, I always end up battling with the plastic packaging, what happened to 4 packs in paper ? They call it progress

Pliers for stubborn tops

Love beige cardigans - great idea re adjustable bits of bra straps being at the front, why haven't any manufacturers thought of this ???

How to give a cat a pill:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss-back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the darned cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie the little devil's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give A Dog A Pill:
1) Wrap it in a piece of cheese.

The tops on plastic containers of fresh soup. Different companies all use the most difficult tops to open. I have problems with every brand.

If you occasionally drop a cat treat on the floor for your cat, the cat will assume that anything dropped is a treat. I discovered this with mine when I accidentally dropped her antibiotic pill and she gobbled it down greedily and looked up expecting more. I now never have to do the horrendous grab/wrap in blanket/grapple and shove pill routine at all.

Morrisons bleach, I have to go into the garage and use the vice. Vacuum lids ie honey,jam, etc.not made for small hands.

2old4hotpants still laughing!

To 2old4hotpants that is a classic!

Another method for feeding pill to cat:
1) Entice cat to within arms length with handful of cat treats
2) Whilst sweet-talking to cat, grab by scruff of neck
3) Kneel on floor with cat wedged between knees, head facing forwards
4) Gently prize open cats mouth using fingers of left hand behind jaw
5) Drop pill as far down cats throat as possible. Close jaws, massage neck gently, count to one hundred. Do not block cats nostrils whilst doing this or cat will expire
6) Let go of cat and watch as cat runs out of room, spitting out tablet en route to back door
7) Rugby tackle cat, catch by trailing back leg/tail, repeat steps 3-6
8) Repeat steps 3-7
9). Give up, put tablet on coffee table and go and make coffee heavily fortified with spirit of choice
10) Return to room with coffee table, watch cat jump onto table, look at you with puzzled expression as if to say 'you want me to eat this tablet, right?'
11) Watch cat calmly eat tablet and lick lips

A vet visited our house to check on our poorly cat and I explained the pill problem. He was a very large, strong willed black cat with large teeth and claws. The sort which used to be mistaken for escaped black panthers. The vet (a small, slight young thing), removed her overalls picked up cat, slid him headfirst down one trouser leg. Just his head popped out and she’d pushed the pill far down his throat before he had time to spit. Because of the angle of his head - as if he was looking up - and his inability to move, the pill went straight down.

It works with denim trousers too!

I agree about the milk bottle top thing. I’ve often resorted to my mother’s method of stabbing two holes in the top. One to pour through and the other to let the air back in.

I wish someone could invent face recognition for house doors so I didn’t have to fudge around in my bag for front door keys with bags of shopping.

And pockets in women’s clothes. Why can’t we have proper man sized pockets.

2oldfor hotpants, thanks for the best laugh I've had in ages.

2oldforhotpants and mielp thank you for making me laugh until I got hiccups!

To break the seal on a jar which won’t open, pop the end of a blunt knife under the rim of the jar and gently twist/pry it - you should hear the air rush in and the lid should twist off easily .

I wish there was a way of opening cereal packets without ending up with multiple paper cuts from the boxes.

And why, oh why, must the wee plastic bags with sweets in be so hard to open? Is it a ploy to stop me eating them?