Would you try to find your Long Lost Family?

I am sure I have many distant cousins. When I first got on the internet, I managed to find a 3rd (?) cousin in France. His great grandfather had migrated from Edinburgh to Rouen to be the master of a foundry and most of his descendants worked for the railways. My cousin, Jean, had retired and lived in Normandy, not far from Caen where I had attended OU summer schools - if only I had known about him then. By a bizarre coincidence, at the same time as I was a local councillor, so was he. He was 'chargé de l'environnement' and so was I. Sadly, he died before I could meet him and his only son has no children. The family line in France has died out.

DD1's partner's father never knew his real Dad. His Mum couldn't tell him much either except she thought he was in the USA.
3 years ago daughter encouraged him to start searching and they found him in Colorado Springs. They've been twice for a holiday, and are going again in August.
Not sure how they did the search.
OHO a friend of daughter's managed to trace her father in NZ, but sadly he didn't want anything to do with her.
There's always that risk.

Sorry should start "DD1's partner never knew his real Dad".

blood relatives.. pooh! I love you all,,,,

I found my birth family only 15 years ago thanks mainly to Genes Reunited as I'd put my birth name and mother's name on there and it came up with a match. Luckily for me and my OH and family, it's been a huge success. My brother had put all his/my family details on there not in the hope of finding me - they didn't know about me at all!! So I was a bit of a shock as you can imagine. I did have a great adoption and a wonderful happy childhood but as an only child, the biggest shock was finding I was one of seven!! I first met my brother and his wife and the next week, my sister and shortly after that there was a mammoth family reunion.
There was no awkwardness at all just amazement.
Sadly, two siblings have since died but at least we were all reunited.
I realise I am very lucky to have had such a positive outcome and I know others don't. But I would say, yes, do go ahead as you don't know what a blessing it could be.

2 of my cousins were adopted - they were always aware as they had 2 birthdays (real and adoption anniversary) . They were both given the option of finding their birth mother at 21. One said he wasn't interested, as far as he was concerned, his parents were the ones that brought him up. The other said she wasn't interested as why would she want to contact someone that didn't want her?
Since their adoptive parents have both passed away, the one that wasn't interested has found her birth family and they have welcomed her with open arms. Unfortunately, she has cut off contact from her adopted brother as "he's not her real brother".
There are pros and cons. Personally I'd like to know if in that position, mainly for health reasons

While I can understand being worried about how a revelation about an adopted first born may affect a current family and relationships, I cannot understand how a mother cannot still love that child she gave birth to and constantly think about the one they gave away, especially if they stayed with that same partner and have other children with them.

I was adopted at birth and have found plenty of relatives on my mother's side but knew nothing about my father. In 1975, the Children's Act allowed adopted people to apply for their long birth certificate, provided they had seen a social worker first. As I was about to leave my meeting, the social worker said "by the way your father was a Polish airman". 43 years later, I was still completely in the dark, but last summer I decided to do a DNA test, just to see if around 50% of my DNA would be Eastern European and confirm what I had been told back in 1975. The test came back showing I am 98% Welsh/English and 2% Norwegian. However, it gave a very close match to a potential 1st or 2nd cousin....this was something that I hadn't even considered. From this I have now discovered who my father was and I'm meeting my half sister for the first time in 9 days time! She has a twin brother, my half-brother, who I will be meeting soon after. We are all in our 70s. Even though you were a foundling Blzzle, the chances are you have relatives somewhere. Good luck! xx

I was adopted age 3 weeks, the result of my birth mother having a "one night stand" during the war. Her husband agreed to forgive her but not keep the baby. My adoptive mother was paranoid about me trying to trace the birth mother so I never tried , particularly as there was no father named on my original birth certificate. After the death of my adoptive parents I considered the situation and decided that the marriage of my birth mother had probably resulted in further children who probably had no idea of my existence and I did not wish to sully the relationship/ memories of their mother. As some posters have pointed out searching for birth parents is not necessarily a fairy tale ending and I believe after 76 years why upset a family? However, as in all things, people have different views - this is my personal opinion.

I think that you are following what you need to do and you seem to have a realistic idea of what might or might not happen. There used to be a programme about finding family and the phrase used always stuck with me - "you can't find peace until you find all the pieces". I think this is true. I wish you every ounce of luck possible in your search. I grew up thinking all my Dad's family had died in the War. There was such a gaping hole where they should have been. In the turmoil of War no information was left about what had happened to them. After my Dad's death in 2003, I set out to finally find out where they had been 'lost' and how. In 2010 I finally found answers because I found my family! I finally felt like a whole person. All the unanswered questions of a lifetime were finally answered. I am not saying you will have a perfect ending but the relief at having information and answers is positive and, who knows, you may find family. All the very best!

I found out 23 years ago my late father had been married before and I had 2 half brothers older than me.

Its an extreme story of life. One which could make me a fortune and Hollywood would love however arent getting. It's too personal to me and mine.

Our lives arent for sale for other peoples amusement. However I have and do use my experiences to help others.

I found my half brothers who are now in there early 80s and a darn sight fitter than me and in rude health. I found them when I found out 22 years ago.

You cant find peace until you know whom you are and where you come from I found. I also had to do alot of specialised family of origin therapy work

Go for it. Dont live on regrets of what might have been. We all need to know who we are.

Be prepared that there might be things uncomfortable in your unknown life however you are obvious curious and yearning so put the fears to one side (they are understandable) and go for it

I always knew something wasnt right in my background. There call it "Family Secrets -what you dont know can't hurt you" that is the book I used along wide of my family of origin work. It's by John Bradshaw and available on Amazon.

The link to it is below and good luck

Family Secrets: What you don't know can hurt you

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0749915218/ref?tag=gransnetforum-21

My DH’s great-Grandad was a foundling, left on a doorstep. I can only speculate as to how this affected him, but of course he wouldn’t have had any chance back then to find out what his background was.

Have you been to the Foundling Hospital in London, b1zzle? It’s only a small museum, but fascinating, and so touching. It was the first children’s charity in the country.

foundlingmuseum.org.uk/

Meant above to say "Famkly secrets- what you dont know CAN hurt you"

Coughdrop thank you that was the phrase I couldn't remember properly about knowing peace

My only experience was a friend who gave her son up for adoption at birth. 35 years later he traced her & she now has 3 new DGC as well as getting to know her son- she was delighted.
Her other 3 children get on well with him too.

I traced my birth mother and she didn’t want anything to do with me. I would say that is one of the hardest things I’ve coped with in my life. When she had died I went on to make contact with four siblings, it turns out she had one child, had me adopted then three more. Again, that was pretty hurtful. This new found ‘family ‘ were absolutely incredible. They exuded love and care but for me it was always a false situation, the elephant in the room was always our mother. What I did realise was family is the people you grew up with, people who you have shared memories with, people who love you whatever and finally people who would take in an unwanted baby and cherish and love that child. I was blessed to have such wonderful parents and brothers and lucky to get away from the woman who gave birth to me. My advice? Think carefully about what you want. If I’m honest, I didn’t and it opened up wounds that took a long time to heal. Whatever you decide, good luck.

My mother was unmarried and kept me. I searched for my birth father and then a very unpleasant story unfolded.

My mother finally told me the truth, and I was stunned. She held back from telling me about my past and the circumstances for a very good reason. I was upset for a long time and had to have a lot of counselling.

But I met a half brother [there are 7 more somewhere] who initially was happy to meet me but his wife was cold and unwelcoming. He stopped replying to letters or answering the phone eventually. His sons weren't interested either.

The truth was awful and I still think about it now. It affected me a lot and it's been tough to deal with.

So I wish you all the best and really hope for a happy ending for you. But please be aware of the danger of a story which could be upsetting.

I was adopted at six weeks by wonderful parents, I always knew I was adopted, but I always wondered who my parents were. I finally traced my birth mother through Norcap. She was then quite old and didn’t want to meet me. But I found a brother and after a few years of him thinking about it we met. It has been wonderful. So I would say to you be preperad that it might not work out. But I do think finding out makes a big difference. So I wish you lots of luck in your search and send you lots of good wishes.

I was adopted at 6 weeks old, and I was lucky I had great parents and my sister who was also adopted. But I would like to find my birth mother just to tell her I am ok, and to get some family history. One of the things on the TV programme that comes across is how incredibly guilty some of these birth mothers feel giving up their child, and how they feel they will never be forgiven. I don’t want my birth mother to feel that way, I want her to know I’m ok and I have never blamed her. I realise that some adopted people are not so lucky but I had a great childhood and I loved my parents very much although they’ve both passed away now.

Go for it if you are feeling motivated to do this search. There are many good reasons for taking this step and going forward in your search.

I wish you all the luck you need I hope you have thought about how you'll take care of yourself through the process and when you get to an outcome.

Get counselling before hand if you can. Put your support people in place and talk through your wishes and your fears and work out some survival strategies, get them in place and you'll be in the best shape to handle whatever comes from your search.

Because as much as we all love to imagine all the lovely outcomes if you prepare yourself for some not so lovely outcome and getting your support network in place first you really will be doing the best for yourself.

I have helped a couple of people pick up the pieces from finding family, both found family, one was largely positive and the other wasn't so good.

I just want people to be prepared as much as possible so they are in the best shape whatever the outcome is.

Well done for being brave, good luck.

I have just done a DNA test on DNA Ancestry and it showed up two 2nd cousins and lots of 4th cousins. From this information a researcher is trying to find my birth father. Its really worth doing the test as more and more people will be added as more and more people take DNA tests. I did know who my mother was as I was adopted by her sister, but when I went to meet her she was very angry and didn't want to know.

As well as "Long Lost Family" there is a programme called "Family Finders" which gives a lot more clues and information on how to trace long lost relatives or adoptees B/M or B/F.

Good luck blzzle

My adopted daughter suffered from having no clue who her father was. Her beautiful curly black hair and dark brown eyes meant that he could have come from one of dozens of countries. It made no difference that he played such a tiny part in her creation and no part thereafter; she needed to know where half of her genes originated, if for no other reason than the fact that people often asked and she had no answers.

After finding that her birth mother had died we resorted to DNA searching. Having the initial results for a European area, her sister delved further on sites where you can upload results and they can narrow down the likely region.
It made a huge impact on her to have the result we finally found for her and delighted her children too. There was no-one closer than a third cousin found but she wasn’t looking for more relatives, just to know where she came from. It does matter.?

Yes I would, for sure. But you need to be prepared that it might not be all roses, and that the truth and reality may not be a fairy tale.

A colleague of mine fell out with her adoptive parents when she decided to look for her mum. That was very hard- especially as her mum turned out to be not very nice, and did not really want to know about her or build a relationship.

DH's father was a Barnardo's boy. After his parents died we applied to Banardos for his records. He was born in Lytham St Annes and had a traumatic upbringing. We know he had a sister. We would love to find any descendants of hers.

Please do try to find out, but be prepared for disappointment.

My adopted sister decided after swithering for years not to try to trace her birth mother and family, but later regretted not having done so.

So I say, try, but please do remember that not all families are close. I have cousins, aunts and uncles on my father's side of the family who I have never really known. This happens frequently these days, so try not to take it too hard if you don't find any relatives, or if they don't seem to want to get in touch.