Empty Nest

Hetty! Thank you again to all. And Gmarie, thank you so much for that lovely message. It struck many a chord with me. And a big hug back to you from the UK!

Hetty58 You are a woman after my own heart. Think we are in the minority though.

Minniemoo and sodapop, just to say that I love my children and grandchildren very much. However, I consider my caring duties near enough over and done with. Of course, if they need to stay here they are welcome - on a temporary basis! It's so good to graduate from parenthood (first class with honours, naturally) and have the time and energy for new aspects of your own life. Sometimes I'm told off for not phoning them but they always miss me before I miss them!

I get renewed empty nest syndrome every time my son comes home for a visit and then goes away again.

Pathetic innit?

I agree whole heartedly with both your posts Hetty 58. Doesn't mean you love your family any less but we all know our children aren't going to stay forever.

I must be an aweful parent, I dont miss mine at all! If they message or visit it is lovely but, I really dont feel upset that theyve left home. The only upset has been caused by a spiteful dil and we just ignore. I am happy on my own (good job as oh is a selfish tight old git) & sometimes wush it was just t me and the dog. I spent nearly 40years caring for others and now want to be a little selfish and just care for me. Glad my kids have made their way in life, love em but dont miss em

Yellowmellow and Tooyoungtobeagrandma, I think we are the lucky ones. It must be tough to permanently miss your children. To be content and happy with your present life is perfect and visits from the family are just a bonus (the icing on the cake).

The low times in my life were caring for a terminally ill husband and four kids, grieving and adjusting. A few years later, kids grown another tough time of eight people at home (me, four kids, a girlfriend, a boyfriend and a baby grandson) while lecturing/tutoring full time - and trying to be Superwoman.

My daughter was unwell so the baby was 'mine' when I got home. I remember sitting up at 2 am marking work with him on my shoulder, not enough sleep. I cut my working hours and somehow we managed.

Now, life is a blissful, simple, peaceful dream!

And you deserve every minute of it Hetty58 enjoy.

Thanks sodapop, I think I do!

My sons left home 20+ years ago. One lives in my city with his family and I see him often. My youngest son visits with his wife from 2 hours away. After visiting for the weekend and he leaves to go back home, it feels like a part of me is being yanked away. I could cry all day at the loss of not seeing him more regularly. We have excellent phone and texting communication but still my heart cries. I cry. He is 36 and hasn't lived in the same house as me for 20 years. I'm a single senior.
What is wrong with me??? Why am I not long over this?? I do have a life and things going on. After a few days I settle but I cannot even think of him going back home on the day he leaves. My heart aches with sorrow.

How do you feel when your other son is going home?

The only advice I’ve got and it’s probably not much help is to accept it’s ok to feel sad and tell yourself these feelings get easier as time passes. I’ve got three. The last one left about 15 years ago, I missed each one but eventually readjust. I wouldn’t want them back now. (I’d have them back on temporary basis in a crisis) I often feel the same when they visit. Its lovely to see them but after the initial pang at saying goodbye I’m often glad they’ve gone. ? don’t tell them.

I think a lot of us know how you feel.

My eldest son left home at 25, moved in 3 doors up the road! He moved a couple of times, never more than 2 miles away. We see him every week.

2nd son left at the age of 28, about 2 miles away. He then split with his girlfriend, moved into a place of his own, a mile from home. We see him every fortnight.

When you've had a very close relationship with adult children, it's natural to feel lost when they go. Are you on your own, or have you got a husband/partner?

I think the death of your mum probably has something to do with the way you're feeling. My mum died when I was 36 (I'm 60 now, she was 72 then). For me, it was the end of a time in my life when things were certain and safe.

I can only suggest perhaps you could meet up with/ring friends who may have experienced the same situation, and do things to keep occupied. Your role as a mum hasn't gone, it's just changed. Your daughter will always need you.