When did you last say something meaning something else ?

A job application letter I read some time ago:-

'I am very experienced in dealing with the pubic'.

At a family dinner with all grandparents present I told my son that if he didn’t clean his kitchen up it would be full of orgasms which could kill him. Deathly hush then peals of laughter!

We had a delightful French student staying with us, who we hope had a pleasant visit but as she left she thanked us for our hostility! ?

My neighbour keeps calling one of her plants a syphilis plant and we are 100% sure that's not the right name but it gives us a right chuckle, she can't remember the actual name anyone know what it could be?

I just remembered one
I had some Russian gentlemen staying with me as mature students at the local college
One day they came in for their evening meal and announced that today they had bought some sperm I nearly dropped the plates out my hand until the showed me some packets of flower seeds they had bought to take back with them

When my daughter was a teenager she and her friends thought it was hilarious to go into the hairdressers and ask if they did blow jobs. (blow drys)

MisAdventure. How DO you get rid of homing pigeons?

I once told my son to masturbate his food properly. I meant masticate of course...

My brother before walking beside me up the aisle at our mother's funeral asked why I'd chosen "one of the Enema Variations" as the coffin entered. This made me snort with undignified laughter. I suspect he did it deliberately!

GrannySue05 this made me laugh. My husband is a Kiwi and over there t**t doesn't mean anything bad, often used when someone whacks a ball really hard - they t**ted it out the park.
First time my husband met my parents and he must have said it about 5 times, their faces were an absolute picture. I had to explain it had no meaning over there but it does here. He has also been known to slip up and say it in meetings but luckily they know him well enough to know it is a Kiwi thing.

Good point, greengran!

She sold them to a pigeon enthusiast; I wonder how he got them to return to his house rather than hers?

Grannysue05 I call my husband a twat all the time! I also mean it affectionately cus he's a dope (though I do use it on the odd occasion not so lovingly! ?) Here in Somerset (as far as I'm aware) it's not normally used in a derogatory way.

My late MIL had a heart valve replaced and a few years later she was retelling the whole story (yet again) She announced, to a rather packed room, that they cracked her scrotum to get to her heart. There was a dead silence and then everyone just fell about laughing. She still insisted it was her scrotum and not sternum even when the difference was explained to her.?

This is a great post, so good to be able to have a laugh as
Things have been sad things going on.

I had my neighbour in hysterics. Her Gardener was working in her garden and I wanted him to come and tidy my bush in the front.
I just could not get the words out to ask him?

Thank you so much for these everybody. I haven't got one myself but my mum died very suddenly this morning & they've given me such a good laugh - she would've enjoyed them too

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss.
Glad if you can smile a bit though.

Lxrl perhaps your friend means Physalis plant. Never mind though as long as it makes you chuckle ?

Twatt is a small settlement in the parish of Birsay on the Mainland of the Orkney Islands, Scotland. It was previously the location of a RNAS airfield, HMS Tern, 1940–1949.

So sorry GrammaH, how very hard for you.

It was once my job in a hospital to read through patients' notes to extract data. In those days, consultants dictated their reports into a machine and a typist then typed them up. My favourite gem was "During the war, the patient was a member of the Polish Gorilla Core". I think the consultant had actually said "Guerrilla Corps".

The difference between "nice" and "rude" words is a minefield, isn't it.

I have known people who used "Silly bugger" as a term of affection, which would have been unthinkable in my childhood home.

I scandalised an American colleague when I said of a school child that we couldn't really expect good manners from him as his mother was a cheeky besom. Apparently, no American would use that word, which is common (no pun intended) in the west of Scotland.

My ex used to call me that
I rather liked it.

I was telling SiL about the game of cribbage and that the scoring included "One for his nob". He and DD were absolutely horrified, but honestly, that's what the scoring was, no matter what k--b means now. I wonder if the old chaps in the pubs still use that scoring?

angelic Haha! Haha! Oh dear, lol. My kind of humour. I couldn't have asked either. I'm still laughing!

Chicken, my mother always said "one for his nibs"

I was watching a tv quiz programme with my six year old granddaughter and said someone's response was a bit half-hearted. GD looked shocked and rushed to tell her parents that granny had said the word farted!
I was doubled up laughing and tried to explain the word to her without success. I'd never thought of it sounding like that before.