Looking like a twerp

Merseybelle2

'Stiil dead'
It's the way tell um

Willow

' your'e joking '

Yep done that too. It must be a brain fog thing.

Oh Willow ??

These are so funny. Make me laugh every time I think of them. “Still dead” has got to the best. ?????

When I was young I had a friend with a rather dippy Mum. This lady went to the chapel of rest to pay respects to a deceased neighbour. We asked her very tentativly ' how did he look'. Oh she said, he looked the picture of health!

Once when living in Holland I inadvertently wheeled my bike into the supermarket. I had great trouble wheeling it out again!

Every day nearly. ?

Yes the other day I went to the supermarket and chemist with my blouse on inside out . I had been home a couple of hours before my hand brushed the washing label on the side with fat face on it .

Why did your friend not tell you.

Only yesterday, some friends called with some sad news,the husband diagnosed with cancer.Hes very weak so sat him in the reclining chair.When they announced they where going I leaned over him and said “ I’ll just press your knob” ( meaning the chair) it lightened the mood,and he said( best offer I’ve had all day) ! Brought a smile to us all.

Elenkalubleton - that’s hilarious !

NannyG123 - it was a male friend I was out for lunch with. I became totally invisible years ago when I hit the age of 65. The only time a man looks at me where I live, is to see if I’m worth mugging for my handbag

I was bag-carrying for a VIP as part of my former job. I was keeping up the polite chat when I crashed into an automatic door which wasn't quite as 'automatic' as I'd thought. Despite bent specs and a grazed nose, I tried to keep a straight face and carry on...

During a holiday job I was asked to “high dust” the director’s office. When I went in he was still there on the phone but he beckoned me in and said he’s only be a minute and to carry on. I was dusting the curtain pole when it fell down and hit him on the head. He went in talking as if nothing had happened. It took me a long time to see the funny side of that but now I’m almost hysterical at the thought of it!

In the good old days when we had buses you could jump on and off at traffic lights, and real bus conductors that gave you a ticket, my sister was sitting on a bus holding a snooker cue in a case that she’d bought for her husband’s birthday. The bus was very crowded coming back from town and it was packed downstairs with people standing. As we hurtled round the corner of Brownlow Hill sis realised some of them were holding the snooker cue mistaking it for the upright poles you used to hang onto. She was nearly wrestled off her seat and crushed !

When the next door neighbours announced to us that they were having a baby my husband said," how did that happen". We had 2 chldren.

When daughter bought her first house we gave her a small amount towards her deposit. OH told her it was part of her inheritance for when we pass on. She told the solicitors that she had inherited it who then rang my OH asking for Probate papers. I still laugh when I remember him saying to the solicitors 'I can't send you probate papers as I'm not dead yet!' Would have loved to see the solicitor's face.

Year's ago when I was a civil servant, I was dealing with an angry customer who had to tell the truth, had the most awful mistakes made on his claim, and each person thereafter had promised him the earth and then compounded the mistakes. He said ”just because you think we're all stupid, you us around as much as you can”

I said, of course not, we don't think anyone is stupid. Now, do you know your name?

I meant reference number...

You mess us around

I've done the usual skirt in pants and very different odd shoes.

Friend told me she was expecting baby number 5 and I just came out with "oh dear" instead of congratulations! Luckily we are still close friends even though that baby is now an adult!!

'Still dead' and 'Enjoy'... wonderful tonic to my day. I've got mascara running down my cheeks now though...

A distant friend was thanking me profusely for turning up unexpectedly to her late husband's funeral. I told her 'Nonsense - I wouldn't have missed it for the world!'

I have just made a fool of myself.
I was waiting for a parcel, the delivery advice said it was to be delivered today between 7.30am and 9. So I got up really early, and had changed my plans to be in during these times.
Imagine my fury when it got to 10.30am and said parcel still hadn't arrived. While I was in fighting mood, I sought to give them 'what for' Only to be told 'Re check the email'
Oops..it said 7.30 am -9 ......PM.
I am sending this email from the corner where I am standing with a hat with a D on my head !!

Ha ha Willow10,
My Mum went to My Dad's Grandma's funeral and on going to leave, said to the daughter, 'Thanks a lot I've enjoyed it'

My husband walked into glass doors when we were abroad. He was holding a pint of beer which smashed to bits. The staff came running, thinking the doors had smashed!

Many moons ago, in my 20s and when married, I was given one of these bad taste plastic aprons. (A busty female body clothed in very skimpy undies.) It wasn't really used but I wore it one year because I was cooking Christmas dinner and didn't want to get my smart outfit ruined. The doorbell rang, and I opened it to a neighbour, a Salvation Army officer in uniform with a collection box as the brass band were playing carols in our road.

His face was a picture. I realised after a few seconds what I was wearing! I don't know who was the most flustered!