am i being unreasonable

If you want a divorce see a solicitor, be warned it's not cheap but he'll have no say in whether or not the house is sold. Most divorces are 50/50 split so he'll either have to sell up and split the equity or buy you out. He'll also stand to lose quite a large proportion of any pension he has. You don't even have to talk to hi if you don't want to just get the solicitor to send the papers.

Why start a new thread why not just add this to your last thread, the advice is still the same
You can’t change anyone else you can only change how you deal with them

Aw, what a shame you need to post again, it's obviously bothering you so much.

Can you talk to a friend?

I'm sure Sophie has tried talking.
I had a friend like this. She knew she wasn't important to her husband. She envied me being brave enough to start out again on my own. But I was happy, although poorer.

I think she was braver putting up with living with someone who didn't love her and not being happy.
It destroyed her though.
You only get one life

Here's a thought why not talk to him.

www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/1264559-going-it-alone

From what you say here and in your other post Sophie you are clearly unhappy with the status quo
Has communication between the two of you really degenerated this far?

Why not agree to have pots for different things so dogs have a pot as would holidays . We divide up our budget account like this much to our DC's amusement but they do not complain when treated to a meal from the treat fund . Garden , holidays, cars etc. all have thier own funds controlled online .

Well, as you seem to have put up with this for 19 years, I am sure your other half does think you are being unreasonable, but you are not.

If the relationship is otherwise good, you could try to discuss limiting the amount spent on the dogs,. If it isn't, perhaps you would consider delivering an ultimatium: Pay more attention to me, or we seperate!

Does he control all the money - if he does that is what needs rectifying first so you can spend some on yourself and going out as you please.

I think you had your answer/s when you first posted this ??