Gransnet forums


When are you grown up?

(75 Posts)
Jane10 Tue 20-Aug-19 13:23:29

I was at an interesting event today at the Royal Society of Edinburgh. It was a 'conversation' on the topic of being grown up. We discussed round the table whether or not we were grown up and, if we were, when did we decide that we had.
I was the oldest there by a large margin. I had always felt grown up. Obviously a young fogey. I'm the right age at last!
Do other Grans feel grown up? Are there Peter Pans among us?

absent Wed 21-Aug-19 06:49:59

Do we have to feel like a grown-up or something? Most of us are at least over 50 and, per se, feel like over 50. Whether we regard that as grown-up is neither here nor there. But it sure is hell not feeling like a child.

Marydoll Wed 21-Aug-19 07:12:37

I still don't feel grown up and in my head am still a young woman. I still don't have the confidence and wisdom that I would have expected to have on becoming older.
Perhaps I have, I just don't realise it.

Before I retired, newly qualified teachers meeting me for the first time, saw me as an older colleague, (probably a boring old fuddy duddy) showed respect and expected me to behave sensibly in my senior role.

However, they would be stunned when they found out that I was the instigator of many a prank in the school!
I have a very quirky sense of humour and probably juvenile into the bargain.
I don't know if that is a good thing or not. grin.
So as someone else said earlier, I am a grown up when required.

However, I was totally shocked, 😱 and annoyed 😡when in hospital recently, I was continually referred to as, an elderly patient. (I'm sixty four). So I suppose in medical terms I am grown up, but I don't want to be!

M0nica Wed 21-Aug-19 07:59:45

I am not sure that being grown-up means being confident or even not doing silly things. I always define it as taking responsibility for your own life.

From a very young age I sought the freedom and responsibility of being grownup. Not having to constantly be told what to do, what to think, to stop having the square peg I was forced into a round hole.

What I wanted to do, and is still my definition of adult hood, was make my own decisions and accept the results of them, when they were bad ones, decide when to accept that making a certain decision, would have downsides,but deciding to accept them.

Maybe because I am the eldest child in my family, I am just programmed to accept responsibility, but that is my definition of being grown-up.

Marydoll Wed 21-Aug-19 08:22:11

As with everything in life, we all will probably have a different opinion on the meaning of "Grown up".

It could be taken literally as meaning of a mature age , someone who is grown-up is physically and mentally mature and no longer depends on their parents or another adult, makes their own decisions and accepts the consequences as Monica says.
Well i think taht's what you mean, Monica.

I too am that person, but I also have a part of me which has never grown up. I just can't put it into words.

Marydoll Wed 21-Aug-19 08:24:41

Oh, I should have previewed! It should read: Well, I think that's what Monica means .

That's my immaturity showing, impatient and rushing into things! grin

lovebeigecardigans1955 Wed 21-Aug-19 08:30:05

I think I felt grown up when I learned to drive in my mid-fifties.

Also when younger people need advice and you realise that you've been there, done that, and may have some words of wisdom.

Jane10 Wed 21-Aug-19 10:09:17

During our discussion it was raised that we risk infantilising ourselves with the current imperative to be youthful. Looking at previous centuries children used to be forced to be grown up early - working in factories etc. That used to be expected. Nowadays childhood is very different but can be a stressful rush from school to various after school activities etc. When can children just be children?
Somebody has to be grown up. Is it our generation or are we past it? So many questions!

sandelf Wed 21-Aug-19 10:27:11

Oh goodness, I don't know. Think it's certain situations/responsibilities.

Scribbles Wed 21-Aug-19 10:32:29

Marydoll, many years ago, when I was a "temp" working for an agency, I was sent to fill in as secretary to a consultant physician at the geriatric clinic in the local hospital. I was horrified when he told me that, in medical terms, anyone of 55 or over is classified as geriatric!

StephLP Wed 21-Aug-19 10:36:57

My son always says you are never truly an adult until your parents have died - think he is trying to tell us something? smile

maryhoffman37 Wed 21-Aug-19 10:37:37

I don't think in those terms. The "having a fall" change is the definition of being old not grown up! (I have done this and said this).

BladeAnnie Wed 21-Aug-19 10:43:51

What did the ever-handsome Bryan Adams say??? 18 till I die!!! 😀

Theoddbird Wed 21-Aug-19 10:45:42

My age says I am...I do wonder though. I have finally found the colourful soul that I drew pictures about in my news book at school. She was a fantasy...always dressed as a rainbow living in a rainbow world within a page of black and white. Yes I have found the very bohemian soul I was looking for as a child...does that make me a child...hahaha

nipsmum Wed 21-Aug-19 10:54:32

I only recently began to feel grown up. with both parents dead and being the youngest of 3 daughters I was always the baby. My oldest sister passed away 8 years ago and my remaining sister went into a nursing home last year. As my sister is deteriorating quite rapidly it suddenly clicked that not only would I be the only one of the family left I wold be the oldest one alive. I find that a very sobering thought.

P3terpan Wed 21-Aug-19 10:55:02

Me, I never wanted to grow up I still do silly stuff and dance in the garden, splash in puddles etc. Hence my gransnet name

Babs758 Wed 21-Aug-19 10:56:44

Hmmm. I am turning 60 shortly. Do I feel grown up? Not really. I still get excited about things - travel in particular. Eldest of three and had to take a lot of responsibility when younger due to mothers illness and father’s work commitments. Left home at 18 and rented. Adult in the outside and stroppy teenager on the inside. Great thread. !

Barmeyoldbat Wed 21-Aug-19 11:06:02

I think I was grown up at 17 when I left home and went to London to live and work. I remember thinking I have no-one to answer to when I come in at 2.30 in the morning. I was responsible for myself.

But I do still very young in what I do and how I think. My gd said yesterday she didn't know any who had a gran who cycled, let along went on fairly long distances twice a week. Too her she didn't know the right person.

annodomini Wed 21-Aug-19 11:13:06

On my 17th birthday, I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I replied, 'I am grown up'.
Little did I know. 61 years later, I'm not quite sure.

Squiffy Wed 21-Aug-19 11:24:38

I think I realised that I was an adult the day that my DD turned eighteen and I woke up to the realisation that I was (am) the mother of an adult! ..... But a fully fledged grown up? Jury's still out on that one!

It's possible to be very responsible and reliable even if we don't feel like a grown up.

Sheilasue Wed 21-Aug-19 11:31:36

My body might be slowing down, but my mind isn’t I don’t think or dwell to much on acting your age, I think I am a bit of a Peter Pan.

dragonfly46 Wed 21-Aug-19 11:37:01

Doing the washing up for the first time newly married at 22! But now seem to be getting more child like every year!

silvercollie Wed 21-Aug-19 11:41:27

Not planning on being a 'grown up', whatever that means.

Calendargirl Wed 21-Aug-19 11:56:45

I left school at 16, started work in a bank and when I met friends still at school in my lunch hour, felt grown up to be earning my own money and not wearing school uniform! I pitied them tbh.

But when my father died suddenly when I was 19, I really, really grew up overnight.

lilydily9 Wed 21-Aug-19 12:04:17

Taking care of my mum until she passed took its toll on me. I had known responsibility before with family and a career but nothing like this. The child in me completely vanished and I felt drained. I suppose we all have to grow up sometime but I miss that free spirited girl and hope she makes a return.

dogsmother Wed 21-Aug-19 13:36:21

I sometimes think my youngest is more of a grown up than I’ve ever been.!