Bedroom Dilemma

Going to buck the trend here. It’s your house...he moved in with you. Since then you have had to relinquish your bedroom due to his snoring. He has now turned the master bedroom into a workshop using chest of drawers for tools! Afraid I would have set up some rules early...he snores so he gets to sleep in a spare room. Next..the word ‘bedroom’ is a clue..it’s not for tools and it’s not a workshop. If you haven’t a garage he can use them is there a chance of a shed? Most men’s love a shed. Bottom line if you like a smart house that is clean and tidy then he should understand that and respect it.

There is a firm rule we both decided on together in my house. NO TOOLS other than a few screwdrivers etc. for immediate DIY jobs. The rest can go in the garage or "shed".
In my garden there is a shed that houses a steam roller and steam traction engine in full working order, and there are all sorts of other mechanical toys, and associated tools. BUT NOT IN THE HOUSE. We have what I call the "Boys Loo" in the conservatory, where there are navy blue towels and heavy duty hand wash. Boots go inside the door of the conservatory. The crucial words in your post are "MY HOUSE". If he doesn't respect your house, then show him the garage, tell him to build a shed. While you are starting a new regime, tell him to go and move in the spare room and you go back in the main bedroom. He has forgotten his place in your home, and if he disrespects you to this extent, are you a partner any more, or just a convenient housekeeper??

He has forgotten his place in your home says Dillyduck.

Maybe he needs a nice doghouse to stay in?

Personally, tools inside a chest of draws would drive me potty. I couldn't live with that.
How about he tidies the shed and gets a system and gets storage etc sorted and brings all of the tools etc out to the shed. If this isn't possible because of lack of space I would ask him to hire a garage or workshop somewhere to keep it in.
It sounds like your favourite room needs to be gutted after the mess he’s left you.

In consideration of reuniting the two of you to one bed have you considered a super king bed and earplugs?

To be honest he sounds like a man child, not partner material.
Take control of YOUR house.
At least get your bedroom back.
Good luck x

I do so sympathise. My husband was a great collector of metal bits, our study was an absolute tip until I persuaded him to decorate it. I managed to get most of it taken out to the garage which became 'his', no room for the car. Some was sneaked into the spare bedroom, ditto 2 kitchen drawers. He died this winter and I am now paying £200 for a skip. Thankfully my SIL is helping because I have no idea what should be kept!

If you don't like him using his bedroom this way, why not get a larger shed that has light and heat etc so he can turn it into a mancave?
If you can't stretch to this, you will really need to discuss with him the fact that you want to decorate so he will need to move his tools etc if only temporarily.
Replace the carpet with either laminate flooring or vinyl so it will just need to be swept and mopped (one of those steam mops are great and quick and easy to use)
If he is happy to keep the old storage, leave it as it is either that or buy items more suited to tool storage and then leave him to it!
Sounds as if he lived on his own for some time before you became a couple - you may be fighting an uphill battle to change his attitude and in the process change the person that you fell in love with.

Thank you Willow500 and Solange I was beginning to think I was a control freak wanting to redecorate "his" room and the fact that I can't live with the idea of shutting the door and ignoring it. I am actually quite a laid back housekeeper but not as laid back as he is!! Moving into the spare room was a gradual thing so I could sleep, not a grand plan for us to have our own space, but yes I wish he had moved not me.
It is only a basic 3 bed semi not a big house, unfortunately we don't have a hall, one of the things I have always desired but probably will never have now. He has a shed, the garage has been replaced with a summerhouse in which he has a cupboard down the length of one wall, and he has an outside storage chest, I don't even look in all these places. There is also a big drawer in the kitchen for his things (old phones etc waiting for mending) where he keeps some tools for household emergencies. How many tools does one man need?

I must admit, that would drive me mad.
I couldn't stand one door kept shut all the time like we had some dirty secret hidden.

My DH is a horder, when I retired 6years ago he had been retired 3years on health grounds.
Started to have a clear out as his sister had passed and we helped with clearing her house . To quote a friend of mine God laughs at plans. Went well for first year then his health went down the drain . Talking to friends jobs are always "when I am over this ,weather is dryer,warmer,colder. Think having all this diy equipment around him is a way of coping with illness that will never go away only get more debilitating

I think he needs a good quality shed in the garden with a work bench and tool racks etc plus electric light and power.

His room-his choice!! Don’t think so if your the one who had to clean and tidy. Your house...your rules . Tools in a bedroom....over my dead body . Buy him a shed and stick him I. It!

How disrespectful.Although you are responsible for some of this behaviour you moved out of your room,which would im sure have been the room that was most to your liking.
Next he does nothing per say and he now brings junk into your living space why is that acceptable.
His junk stays out of the living quarters and he should shape up.
Clean and keep his room clear of crap and safe.
Why should you be his mother as well as his maid whats in this for you you.
If you fall ill then what?
If you want to decorate who is he to stop you.
Lay your laws down,wish you had done so from the begining .
You know what you want let him know your expectations ,do it now.

Send him out for the day or if you can a day or two away and make a start. Take back control and have your house the way you want it.

I will also say my sewing is not al neat and tidy, it a mess and I am going to make a start on it now.

Having a second look af this thread he does seem to be an extreme case. My husband although untidy in his room is nothing like this.
It's a pity you hadn't realised this at the beginning.
I think I would be really annoyed and if he didn't change I would suggest going back to the previous arrangement of living apart.
A friend did this and it works much better. Perhaps being given an ultimatum might make him change.

As a man my sympathies are entirely with your husband. You think his room is a complete mess and "packed with stuff." I dare say that if I had the pleasure of meeting him he would be able within 5 minutes to lay his hands on any of the useful items he is collecting. Most such things are no longer available in the shops eg defunct clock movements, used leather straps [broken], odd size drill bits, screws and nails [various sizes] salvaged door hooks and defective bathroom fitments - the list is endless and is entirely in line with modern ideas of conservation and recycling. Those "bits of metal" you scorn are vital components of yet to be made gadgets and repairs. You seem to have a merely utilitarian view - and you want to put his stuff in the shed where it will rust and decay.
And for goodness sake, it is part of his hobby, repairing things. We even have a marvellous TV series "The Repair Shop" on this very topic, where broken items are lovingly and skilfully (and completely uneconomically) restored to pristine beauty.
You say his tools are in an ancient second-hand chest of drawers - how perfect. And if you bought a new chest you would fill it with d'oyleys and pillowcases and handtowels and where would the poor man put his tools?
Nearly all men need a cave for quiet concentration on a hobby - and would you prefer it if he were out playing golf, or fishing, or at the pub?
What can you do? Buy him for his next birthday one of those plastic units of little drawers to keep screws and nails sorted, in place of the old biscuit tin into which my old dad used to throw such things. Ask him what new tool he would like - as long as you don't expect him to throw out the old one. Give him a B&Q voucher. Save little tins and plastic pots for his storage, and give him a Dymo machine so he can label them. Rejoice in the fact that he still has the skills and energy to want to do his repairs. Have a motto painted to hang on the wall of his room; "Don't throw that out - it may come in useful some day."

You want to replace the furniture ? put it out in the garage with all the tool/junk in it ! decorate the room in pastels and pinks and frills with a white carpet and move in with a lock on the door

Since my partner moved in with me fourteen years ago, my house has become really cluttered, mainly with tools. He seems to be addicted to buying them and then when he needs a screwdriver for instance, he can’t find one.

I can’t quite fathom why he has tools in his bedroom.

Surely the shed or downstairs would be more suitable.

I do draw the line at clutter upstairs though.
Sometimes, I feel like having a good rummage through and chucking a load of it out.

It’s a difficult one, isn’t it?

I would move him and all his gear into the room you currently occupy and take back the room you love. That way he gets a clean room and you get to do what you want. You can always sleep in the other spare room while you sort it out. Your house, your rules.

And BTW I wouldn't have tools in the bedrooms anyway.

Depending what type and size his tools are there are the roller tool chests someone has already suggested - then you could move it, prop it up near a wall or something if he leaves it somewhere inconvenient or you need to shift it to clean (or rather, get him to shift it!) There are also a lot of reasonably priced wooden chests with different size drawers so maybe if he had one (or more) of these they could be easily stacked, well organised, and individually would be easier to move/rearrange if needs arise. If you have the room to have one unit/chest of drawers for his clothes and another for tools/hobby stuff maybe that could be the compromise.
My better half and I are, in our own ways, as bad as each other (though we both think the other is slightly worse). We have a bedroom each. I have a lot of books, quite a few clothes and a few boxes of stuff I still have to sort out. He has all sort of stuff including tools, bits of wood, electricals, things relating to the new hobby he gets every few years and buys a ton of stuff for (computers, golf, fishing, painting, panel beating, woodwork, metalwork, leather-work, gardening are just a few) + all his work-related things. If we had a bigger house and/or barns/sheds/workshops he would commandeer and fill the lot. Still, keeps him busy and happy I suppose. We are both stubborn but after nearly 30 years we find ways to compromise and, within reason, try to accommodate each other. I'm toying with a few ideas for a new hobby and he has offered to help if I need a hand buying things, getting set up, having a little work area etc - bless. Good luck and I hope you two can find a way to tackle the issue together. (Must confess I giggled at the thought of him filling the current chest of drawers with his tools and you putting his clothes etc into nice storage boxes)

I’d leave him to it

I say, his bedroom, his choice. You don't have to look in there, close his door, a bit like having a teenage son really, men never do grow up do they! Only let it be your problem if it starts encroaching on your space

Some of you are remarkably tolerant.
I’d tell him that the bedroom is to be used as a bedroom. Tools and his hoarding hobby go in the shed, and he must buy himself a bigger shed if necessary.
He would also be expected to keep his bedroom clean and tidy and to do the decorating both there and the rest of the house because op works and he doesn’t.
He doesn’t seem to be house-trained.

With a hoarder for a husband l sympathise. I, too, am definitely not a minimalist but like to keep things tidy. I try, not always successfully, to keep the downstairs reasonably presentable, but the upstairs is another matter altogether. It drives me to distraction but in so many ways he is a good, kind man and although he makes every excuse under the sun not to make a start on his mess l can forgive a lot because of this.