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My mum died in my birthday, I hadn’t thought of how others would feel wishing me happy birthday but they did just that in the years that followed. It is a bittersweet day that my mums departure from this earth was on the day of my birthday but I always think of her on my birthday especially and raise a glass to her. She is out of pain and with my dad and was 95 so she had a good life. I think wishing her a happy day would be fine. Life is for the living and we are left with memories of loved ones good and bad. Maybe a bunch of flowers and a happy birthday and write thinking of you on your birthday. It will get easier as the years go on.

My mum died on my brother's birthday. It's very hard. But we all try to seperate the two. She would have hated to think all my brother's subsequent birthdays were overtaken by her death. So I remember my mum on that day but also send my brother a birthday card an she celebrates his birthday as he normally would though I've no doubt he also thinks about Mum. I don't like cards with verses anyway so it's usually a plainish card. Also my SiLs father died on Xmas day. They still celebrate Christmas but have a quiet drink to her father as well.

Send her two cards acknowledging both events

A birthday card as your sister-in-law is still alive, and still having birthdays - it can be appropriate and you can do as others have suggested and add a separate note to let her know you are thinking that this will be an emotional day for her - you don't mention whether you know how she plans to spend the day - it would be nice to ring her beforehand and ask her - she may be dreading it, she may have no plans but to sit at home, she may welcome the chance to spend it with you even if you only go for a walk around the park and have a cup of coffee. Doing that you can jointly remember your brother and at the same time acknowledge that it is her birthday.

My mum died on my nieces birthday (her gd) . I felt so sad for her but we send a birthday card and as she always says nana is always with me.

Today is the 10th anniversary of my darling husbands death, tomorrow will be my 66th birthday and for me acknowledging both has always been very important.

Send a birthday card.

My sister died on my birthday, so obviously it will always be tinged with sadness, but she would hate that I couldn't move on and of course the first birthday is always the worst, but eventually you come to terms with it and I now celebrate both, raising a glass in her memory. Send a card and chose the words accordingly.

I'd send abirthday card and I would ensure it was a sister in law one sometimes widowed folk feel they arent regarded as family anymore after a death I always mark the first anniversary with a wee personal note but I would send that seperately

I think you should ask her!

My mum died on my DH’s birthday. The following year I gave my DH a gift but we kept everything low key that day.