Laziness

luved awsy lived away

You are doing an amazing job, I am sure he is doing his best too. Good luck to both of you.

I would suggest reward rather than punishment and anger. Is there a treat he'd like..maybe he needs 100 points to get it. 1 point per tidy..10 per room and surprise points for tidying as he goes and doing things before being asked

Thank you, that's also a good suggestion.
I know all of these things, but I think I we get so far away from being sensible that its difficult to see sense.

I too think you are doing a great job, I think you have to pick your battles to some extent, but I agree, I just couldn’t bear the mess, It would really drive me nuts!

Could you bear to let him do whatever he wants in his own room, wash your hands of it, but absolutely insist that common space is tidy, eventually, he might even decide to clean up.

Washing is trickier, he obviously has to go to school clean and tidy, so it’s got to be put in the washing machine by somebody!

Honestly though, he’s still only a little boy, whose had a very difficult time, and so have you I’d imagine, be nice to each other.

MissAdventure It might be worth looking into the situation at school to see if they have lockers.

Students here simply don't carry that amount of stuff around, or keep it at home as you gs seems to do.

They keep it all in coded lockers at school.

Of course they bring home dirty gym kit - but at 11 he's surely old enough to be taught how to use the washing machine?

'And while you're at it love, just put these few things through for Granny.'

Sandigold it could be helpful to read the thread.

MissA you're doing a sterling job.
That's interesting about frontal lobe development. Whatever the expert views it comes down to the fact that it is an awkward age, and from our present experience more for boys than girls, without added sensitivities.

Dirty gym kit.

I remember a young relative of mine whose gym kit went mouldy - mum and dad could ill afford the cost of a new kit. He's a dad himself now, I wonder if he remembers that.