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Men becoming grumpier with age

(75 Posts)
GardenerGran Sat 05-Oct-19 17:02:13

My DH makes much more of a meal of everything than he used to, I think I’ve mellowed with age and get less cross about stuff but he swears and bangs around if things don’t go his way (I’m thinking little DIY Jobs, the computer, driving etc.) and friends say theirs are the same - I don’t want to sound sexist but it does seem to be the case. The language is dreadful, everything is ‘stupid’ or useless. When not engaged in these activities he’s very mild mannered and kind. I just give him a wide berth if the computer is saying ‘No’ or that little fix-it job isn’t going right! I suppose that’s where the phrase ‘grumpy old men’ comes from! Do others have similar experiences?

ayse Sat 05-Oct-19 17:09:26

My DH takes much longer to do things than he used to. When he gets frustrated, when something isn’t going the right way, he can be very grumpy. For a while I thought it was aimed a me and got cross as well. It’s easier now as I just let him get on with things without any offers of help - that’s the way to get shouted at.

He does have a back problem that doesn’t help at all. So yes, I reckon men get grumpy as they gat older but I can’t say I’m always sweetness and light either!

NanaandGrampy Sat 05-Oct-19 17:12:24

Actually I have to say Ive found the opposite. Grampy has mellowed with age ( and a stern talking too when I hit 50 lol) . Now he rarely grumbles, if something doesn't go well - he shrugs it off.

paddyann Sat 05-Oct-19 17:47:54

Mine is like NanaandGramp's he is much more even tempered and easy to live with than he was 30 or even 40 years ago.I remember a day when there was a problem with a tyre on the car ,we were miles from home ,he got out ,he ranted,he kicked the car ,he ranted some more .....I got out closed the door and got on the next bus.I dont know when he realised I had gone .He used to have grumps at checkouts if the queue was taking too long and complain about things in work.It was a standing joke that if he had a cup in his hand be ready to duck if the job is going wrong.He was like that when I met him,I never wanted to change him ,his mother says anyone else would have divorced him decades ago.I of course tell her its her fault he was like this and its living with me thats mellowed him.

paddyann Sat 05-Oct-19 17:49:25

He says CREATIVE people are all volatile

TerriBull Sat 05-Oct-19 18:05:13

I don't think my husband has got grumpier with age, well he does get a bit grumpy if his game of golf hasn't gone well, but I can't help him with that and it's only a passtime, albeit important to him. If anything, on a day to day basis he is pretty happy and even tempered, probably more so than me as far as the latter is concerned. He does suffer bouts of sadness, worse in the winter, but to be expected having lost a son a few years ago. Anything really sad gets to him much more these days, we've recently seen the film "Judy" biopic about Judy Garland, it was sad and quite depressing in a way, he always has a heightened sense of that sort of pathos particularly when it's about loss.

Loislovesstewie Sat 05-Oct-19 18:11:01

Mine rants! He is Victor Meldrew on amphetamines . usually I can ignore it but sometimes he drives me mad . He has never had any patience with anything practical and as he has got older he has got worse, he won't walk away and leave it , calmly. No, he starts shouting at whatever it is and then throws the item down. I have far more patience.

ElaineI Sat 05-Oct-19 18:13:30

Definitely! Massive fuss about everything. Simple things require complex practising and I am fed up being snapped at over nothing when he gets something in his head! DD1 said to try and chat about it but that resulted in big huff and an uncomfortable Christmas for me. Everything has to have i's dotted and t's crossed over and over again!

MollyPolly60 Sun 06-Oct-19 02:44:06

Mine has macular degeneration and cant see anything, but I do believe he sees a lot more than he makes out! I do have a lot of sympathy for him and it must be very frustrating but sometimes I want to kick the back of his legs! Is this cruel?

Katyj Sun 06-Oct-19 08:08:59

Yes grumpy DH here, more so now he's retired.He can't do anything alone, starts a job, then shouts me to help, infuriating ! as I have to feel in the mood for practical things. Also the car is a nightmare now, everyone else is in the wrong, he seems to be losing confidence too, which is a bit worrying.If I mention his driving abilities, he tells me to drive, but I would rather be driven, so can't win really.I can see a time coming were well be taking public transport, and coach holidays.

Grandad1943 Sun 06-Oct-19 09:16:08

Age brings about change in all of us, both men and women. Some mellow due to being released from the pressures of working life and parenting etc, while others find frustration in that which can change their whole personality.

Deteriorating fitness can mean that interests and activities that may have relieved the boredom of retirement which some find is no longer available to them.

My wife and I are both in our 70s and still work in the business we started almost fifteen years ago which we find keeps both of us fully occupied mentally. The mile and a half walk to work which we both undertake whenever the weather is at all reasonable also keeps us physically in shape.

We have often stated at the end of a long day how we would like to retire, but all in our office say that should we do that we would in all probability go "rapidly downhill."

So, age and changing circumstances bring changes in everyone's life and it is how anyone adapts to those changes that will see contentment or unhappiness in either gender.

Rufus2 Sun 06-Oct-19 11:37:09

He used to have grumps at checkouts if the queue was taking too long
Paddyann; He's obviously taken note of our advice to avoid checkout queues containing women with their credit card problems!! grin

Don't let work take over your life.

Grandad: Each to their own! grin
I've been retired 28 years and enjoyed every minute; although I usually don't broadcast the fact in case some workaholic finds me a job! hmm

EllanVannin Sun 06-Oct-19 11:43:20

It's not only men ! I can have my moments especially if I come across gross incompetency. It really rattles me and I do a good impression of Victor Meldrew. " I don't believe it " but it includes an expletive.

anna7 Sun 06-Oct-19 12:31:27

My husband has not got grumpier with age but my best friend of over 40 years definitely has. Every time we go out there is a moan or something she finds to complain about. The music in the cafe is too loud, the prices are ridiculous, everybody drives like a lunatic - always something. Even if it's true I can't get worked up about things like that. To be honest it is starting to get me down a bit and I am working myself up to telling her to calm down . I don't want to upset her though as I know she is going through a difficult time at the moment but surely all this moaning and groaning about trivialities makes her feel worse.

maryhoffman37 Mon 07-Oct-19 10:15:54

Not mine.

Harris27 Mon 07-Oct-19 10:15:59

My husband is very quick tempered now and still working hard nit retirement age yet. He’s role reversed did desk job for years now more manual so I put it down to being tired. But how he snaps over little things. We do have a lot going on and my health has its problems and I think he bottles stuff up. Never mind for better for worse!

Rosina Mon 07-Oct-19 10:19:27

Yes - my OH turns into Genghis Khan on occasions - usually things that don't matter that much. It does rather depress me as I thought we might be more tolerant at this stage of life but he has become more aggressive.

Craftycat Mon 07-Oct-19 10:25:32

OMG! I hope you are wrong my DH is bad tempered & grumpy at 56 so if he is going to get worse I'm moving out!!

knspol Mon 07-Oct-19 10:40:49

Agree totally especially since retirement, had to start calling him Victor (Meldrew). Lately it's become much less of a joke and I sometimes think he never says anything that isn't negative. Over the last couple of years he's also started having real anger tantrums over next to nothing, never know when he's going to flare up or take offence. Worry that maybe the start of dementia but he won't visit GP.

MamaCaz Mon 07-Oct-19 10:41:59

Mine has always been quick -tempered/grumpy, but definitely is worse nowadays.

I will never forget the time we were invited for lunch by some people that we didn't know particularly well. On the way to their house, a car in front of us was being driven in a way that OH considered erratic. To me, it just looked like they were unsure of the route to wherever they were going. Anyway, OH made his feelings known to them as he overtook them. You can probably guess where they were going, and imagine how I felt when they pulled up at the same house as us!

I can't get away from his ranting - if he is in the house, he almost always has the TV on, and every single time someone appears whose political leaning or views he disagrees with, he comes out with the most awful comments (one of the 'milder ones being "he/she's a real piece of sh***e*"! This has got ten times worse since Brexit, of course!

Hellsbelles Mon 07-Oct-19 10:55:53

I hear you sister !
Mine has suddenly an opinion on everything ! You can hardly hear a news reader these days because he is arguing and getting his thoughts heard about what is being said .
I am embarrassed to say this but thoughts he might have kept to himself with regard to sexuality or subjects such as immigration are now shared to the room ( me and the cat, mostly - thank gawd !) I bite my tongue as they are definitely not my opinions !
And he's short tempered as well. I took myself off for an hour yesterday for a walk.

Growing0ldDisgracefully Mon 07-Oct-19 10:58:42

Mine has most definitely evolved into Victor Meldrew. I soooo feel just like Mrs Meldrew! Mine even says 'I don't believe it', to the intense mirth if my son and I (I really fear I'm going to need incontinence aids on occasions we're laughing so hard!). Needless to say sniggering at him doesn't help...

cookiemonster66 Mon 07-Oct-19 11:00:38

Agree! Mine is such a negative drama queen, it is quite exhausting trying to find a positive solution, or think outside the box to solve the problem and he shoots it down in flames constantly. Then it is the teenage strop for several hours, and much grumbling - finally job gets done and he is happy as Larry and I am in pieces, a broken woman! Yesterday I threatened to put him over my knee and give him a spanking if he continued to behave like a stroppy child! (although in hindsight - this could've had the reverse effect with some who would enjoy it!)

Dibble Mon 07-Oct-19 11:09:46

I can relate to that GardenerGran, being in my mid 70 s i know i am grumpy. I try to appologise to my DW when i am. But i know that one of the reasons apart from health problems is the lack of effection. But hayho i cant moan im still above ground as they say.

EthelJ Mon 07-Oct-19 11:16:39

My DH has definitly got grumpier and less tolerant in some ways though he is more patient with thr GC than he was with our DC. He has become much more negative since he retired,his default seems to be no and he doesnt want to join any activities or take up any hobbies even though he has expresed an interst in them previously, which I find infuriating, He says h doesnt want to be with a bunch of old people even though he is one himself! I just get on and do things myself but get upset and annoyed by his negativity.