I am just wrecked

I would just take some time out and do absolutely nothing, stay in bed if you want to, watch TV all day if you want to. Just rest and recuperate until you feel better and are in a better frame of mind to do something else. Take one day at a time and eventually I'm sure you will feel much better xx

My aunt died last December she was 92. I had looked to her for many years. I too expected to feel some relief but all I felt was sadness and I felt like you physically ill. I am trying to do something everyday, either go out to the shops, for a walk if I have nothing else planned and I am giving my body time to recover. It is helping. I suggest you do the same our bodies need time to recover it is not an instant thing we have been living on adrenaline and we have to be weaned off it. Don't be too hard on yourself it will get better. x

Luckygirl your reactions are perfectly normal for people who have been through any trauma like yours. As others say, go with flow. Let these feelings wash over and through you.

Get as much sleep and relaxation as you can, do not worry about opening the door to delivery men in the afternoon, still in your night clothes, it is nobodies business but yours.

Gradually you will feel better, have more energy. but meanwhil, just relax and let all these feelings and tiredness work themselves out.

Luckygirl I completely agree with all the previous advice about 'going with the flow'. I realise this might seem a silly question but,,,,have you thought about getting a pet? I was injured and a friend was killed in an attack in a Middle Easter country. I had to return to the UK for treatment and although I'm pretty mobile now, my whole life has changed. My career is over and, having spent the last 15 years or so gallivanting round dodgy (but beautiful) countries, I have few close friends in the UK. As you say, it is a shock to the system - such a radical change in lifestyle and once the NHS had finished with me, I found myself feeling unwell all the time. There was no longer any reason to get out of bed or to engage with life. Yes, I got checked out - nothing wrong with me so accepted the anti-depressants and went back to bed....for about 2 years!
Out of the blue, I acquired a cat and consequently I am now a firm believer in the therapeutic value of animals. Maybe a pet might be the answer for you?? It worked wonders for me as it gave me a focus and a reason to get out of bed. More importantly, my cat was, and still is, a huge comfort and always seems to know when I'm having an off day. Please don't think I am trivialising your current situation - I just thought it might help give you a 'positive'.

I got ( well, was gifted) a cat two weeks after my H went into care.
She is the most wonderful companion and is on my bed as I type.
As Chapeau said, I have to get up to let her out in the morning and I have to ensure good is in the house for her.
I have my down days of course, who doesn't? But I would not be without her.

Now I have my D and GD living with me, who would have expected that a year ago?
Sometimes frankly a mixed blessing but again I can't imagine, at present, life without them here.

There is some great advice, love and support from everyone on here, and I'm sure that is of comfort to you. Do you have a local carer's hub where you can seek support from talking to someone about how you feel? Inevitably, you will feel exhausted and 'spent' which impacts your emotional wellbeing too. Be kind to yourself and "go with the flow", but get yourself out with friends, or to a local activity or two, be with people, and do what makes you feel good; a pamper session of some kind.
Be reassured that you have been, and are amazing in what you have achieved for your DH. He is well looked after, is happy, and in a place that gives you peace of mind. This new chapter will take time for you to adjust to. Sending positive thoughts and hugs... xx

Luckygirl; Get some vit B tablets. They are for tiredness and the nervous system. Read books, listen to music, buy crossword or codeword books. Anything to switch off the mind. If you have a heat pad, hold it for comfort. Even a teddy bear can help! When I stroke my ted, I can feel calmness like stroking a pet. I feel a little silly saying that but it's true. Best wishes.

I shouldn't laugh ..... Luckygirl knows how much we care for her but anyone who knows her on Gransnet will chortle at the suggestion of a cat or even worse, a dog. ??

merlot -

I really do appreciate the thought behind these kind suggestions, and understand that for some a pet would be spot on.

A teddy bear sounds just right for me. Thank you for that suggestion. It would not jump up or lick me.

I have had a shower this morning and believe me it is a major act - it knocks me out completely for the rest of the morning.

Luckgirl you saying that having your shower and getting dressed after tires you out, really rings a bell with me. Daughter bought me a pure cotton towelling robe which I am supposed to put on after my bath to finish drying off. Trouble is, the thing is so flipping heavy I find it a struggle to put on.

Yes. I wonder about CFS.

You have more of a reason than me for feeling so washed out though.

Luckygirl just popped in to send warm wishes. What are you like with needles? I have acupuncture whenever I'm feeling drained. If you don't care for needles you can have acupressure, although my practitioner uses facial quality needles in places I don't like them. It can restore some equilibrium and boost the immune system. I tell her I want to feel energised not feeling so calm I could nod off! You may wish to relax and feel sleepy after it.

Whatever you do, remember we care and are willing you to get through this difficult time. xx

Ever tried reflexology Luckygirl? On the recommendation of a friend I now have a wonderful lady come to the house once a month. Whether or not you believe the Chinese ideas behind it, it does relax and invigorate. I’m hooked! (And she has helped with various health problems. I don’t know how, but it works).

Lucky be very kind to yourself now

Thank you for these suggestions - I am grateful for that.

On Sunday, I am going to Cornwall for 4 days with one of my DDs and family. I am hoping so much that I will have the energy to enjoy it - and also hoping it might wake me up from my doldrum. Fingers crossed.

I plan gentle walks on the beach and sitting with a good book overlooking the sea.