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Missing out

(31 Posts)
grannyactivist Sun 20-Oct-19 00:31:16

I'm feeling slightly miffed that after so many weeks of being ill I'm now seriously missing out on things. The Wonderful Man went on a march without me today for the first time and tomorrow he'll drive alone to our youngest grandson's dedication service. (My daughter actually uninvited me for fear that I might try and make the journey!)

I really, really hoped to be well in time to attend these things and I'm frustrated not to, but aware that in the grand scheme of things missing them is not too important.

What things have you missed out on that you regret?

BradfordLass72 Sun 20-Oct-19 03:27:59

It's important to you and that's the point - and all that matters.

It's sad to miss things and feel on the outside, even if you know (and isn't it wonderful when you do?) you'd be warmly welcomed if you were able to attend.

Just see this as god-given time to rest and recover and be glad of it. To everything there is a season...' flowers

There's always another event coming up sunshine

Nortsat46 Sun 20-Oct-19 08:09:07

I was about to respond, but cataloguing all the things I cannot do because of this newly assessed disability, is too depressing.

I know how disheartening it is grannyactivist, so I simply wish you a good recovery and lots of good things 💐

Marydoll Sun 20-Oct-19 08:30:13

grannyactivist, I'm sorry to hear you have been ill. I enjoy reading your posts.

I know exactly what you mean. I have been very unwell for the last six months, and have missed out on so many things, unable to leave the house for weeks on end.

There was a post on the Pedants thread about the difference between empathising and sympathising, well I certainly can empathise with you.
I go between feeling, hopeful, resentful, frustrated and sad!

However, as usual BradfordLass has words of wisdom. Enforced rest is essential to recovery. I was my own worst enemy and didn't do as I was told, neither resting when I should, nor cutting back on activities.
A part of me is actually glad I have been ordered to rest by the medics, I am now guilt free!

Grannyactivist, it will take time, baby steps, but it will happen.
Things may not be the same as they were, but we are strong women and will find a way through.

Iam64 Sun 20-Oct-19 09:06:38

Sorry to hear you haven't been well granny activist. Health stuff has got in the way of my ability to join things like the march in London yesterday, or to join friends on a trip to London to an exhibition. I've decided that's just how it will be at times and I'm not going to let myself feel left out or disgruntled. I treat myself to something instead, book, bar of chocolate, under a blanket on the sofa. Or, if I can, a massage. Self indulgent but very pleasant.
Hope you're soon fighting fit again x

NfkDumpling Sun 20-Oct-19 09:15:36

Recently on holiday, with my lovely new knees I was able to scale three quarters of the way to the top of a really steep forest trail to see a wonderful view. But the steepness and difficulty of scaling the root-ridden path meant I couldn’t make it all the way (it would have taken six firemen to get me down) and I felt I’d missed out as DH and the others puffed, wheezed and struggled noisily on up.

Then, sitting alone in the silence with the guide who had been allotted to stay with me, I felt the forest around, and his gentle description of all that was there was worth far more than the view from the top.

In my forties I had a really badly slipped disc which left me unable to walk or sit for many months. I missed out on a lot then, but it was the effect on my family and the things they missed because it which hurt at the time. They now tell me the freedom they enjoyed because I couldn’t see what they were up to more than made up for it!

I’m sure you’ll be up to other things while you’re left alone GA, but missing your DGS’s dedication is a real bummer. Can someone with a smartphone do a live link for you?

dragonfly46 Sun 20-Oct-19 10:30:46

I too have empathy with you - I am facing 6 months of chemo then 4 weeks of radiotherapy so will be out of action until June. I think even Christmas will be on hold this year as I cannot predict how I will feel.
I am a positive person, however, so will plan a holiday when this is all over.

Nonnie Sun 20-Oct-19 11:28:39

Yes, I have been in this situation but cannot explain on here. I sympathise and understand how you feel. flowers

EllanVannin Sun 20-Oct-19 12:22:52

Dragonfly you do so well and being positive as you are in adversity you have my total admiration. x

The most important thing is your own health and welfare while allowing any future plans etc. to pale into insignificance for the time being until you feel well enough and up to the mark without any fears of a setback which would mar any occasion in which you thought you'd have managed at the time.

You really do have to choose your time after illness and it doesn't always fit in with plans that are already in place. I think a lot of us don't feel the same from one day to the next where there are ongoing health problems and it can/does interfere with our lives at times, causing frustration that the good days aren't as consistent as we'd like them to be.

I get frustrated but not as bad as I once did, knowing in myself that a long-haul flight to see my family is out of the question now so being resigned to that has taken a long time to accept. I'd have felt worse if any of the GC out there had had a child/children as up to now between 2 GS's and 1 GD they haven't produced a GC for their parents or a GGC for me, yet.

grannyactivist Sun 20-Oct-19 14:55:17

The Wonderful Man has just got home and he has filmed the part of the service that included the Dedication for me.

We live in privileged times don't we? To be able to 'take part' in the service, albeit vicariously, is quite lovely - and I'm now marvelling at modern technology instead of feeling miffed. grin

glammanana Sun 20-Oct-19 15:14:28

GA Your presence in spirit will no doubt have been felt by everyone at the Dedication and well done to your DD for banning you from the service and looking after your health.

Suki70 Sun 20-Oct-19 21:02:08

dragonfly46 Please don't assume you will be out of action whilst having your chemo and radiotherapy. From the end of January 2011 I had chemo once a month for four months. Two days after each chemo infusion I would start to feel unwell (but by no means incapacitated ) and this would last for three days. After that I'd be fine and able to carry out all my usual activities, shopping, dance lesson, Italian lesson, coffee and meals out with DH and friends. There is just a short period when you have to avoid any chance of infection.
After a short break I had radiotherapy which meant an hour's journey by train, underground and a walk to the hospital in Central London, every week day for a month. Throughout I felt fine and came to enjoy my commute, spot of retail therapy and cafe lunch.
During my treatment there were two events for me to look forward to - a friend's wedding in Italy in July and my son's wedding in September. Having something to look forward to and plan for was important, as were the regular treats I gave myself. I hope all goes well for you, that the time passes quickly and you don't miss out on anything.

grannyactivist Sun 20-Oct-19 21:34:28

What an encouraging post Suki70 smile - I do hope dragonfly46 has a similar positive experience.

lemongrove Sun 20-Oct-19 22:15:31

Get well soon Grannyactivist💐
What’s a dedication service btw?
Attending public events when not fully well is always a mistake ( I know, as I have done it.)

grannyactivist Mon 21-Oct-19 00:04:08

Thank you Lemon.

A dedication is usually a church ceremony in which parents (and often other family members), and the church 'family' (congregation), thank God for the child and make a commitment to raise that child according to the Christian faith until the child is of an age to make a decision of their own to follow God (or not). The parents do not make vows on behalf of the children.

Infant Christening (baptism) is more widely practiced and uses oil and water as signs and symbols. The oil is used to make the sign of the cross, as a mark that the baby now 'belongs' to God and the water is the symbol of a child's 'new life' as part of God's family. Parents and Godparents make statements on behalf of the child about turning from sin to repentance.

My older two children were Christened, but by the time the third child came along I had done a lot more studying so I chose to have my younger three dedicated. My daughter has followed the same path with her own children in spite of attending an Anglican church where infant 'Christening' is the norm. (She herself was baptised by me when she was in her early twenties.)

Jaye53 Mon 21-Oct-19 10:04:20

What a nice encouraging thought Suki70 for everyone going thro their chemo and cancer treatments.thanks

dragonfly46 Mon 21-Oct-19 10:05:09

GA that is wonderful that you were still there in spirit and could watch the proceedings. I think it is the fear of being forgotten as much as missing out and you certainly weren't forgotten.

dragonfly46 Mon 21-Oct-19 10:07:25

Thank you Suki70 I just do not know what to expect at the moment but at no time yet have I felt ill - maybe a little sore after the op but apart from that everyone says I look really well so as I am very positive I expect that to continue.

EllieB52 Mon 21-Oct-19 10:56:03

Sorry that you’re unwell and unable to do things. I hope things improve so that you can start getting involved again. To answer your question there’s really only one thing I regret missing out on which, sadly, was my sisters funeral. I was giving birth at the time!

Merryweather Mon 21-Oct-19 11:56:50

I missed my grandma’s funeral, missed a christening and four of my own birthdays, two of my mom’s.
A variety of medical problems has caused multiple emergency visits and surgery.

It’s a long lonely road to recovery for those of you who can.
Good luck to all receiving treatment and those recovering xx

Daisyboots Mon 21-Oct-19 13:41:27

I am so pleased that you went through your chemotherapy and radiotherapy so well Suki70

Like grannyactivist I am unable to attend many things at the moment but mine is due to chemotherapy for grade 4 metatastic breast cancer which has really laid me low. It was quite aggressive treatment weekly over 12 weeks and seven weeks later I am still suffering with nausea. Three of my children and their spouses have their birthdays in November so I usually fly to England to visit then. This year I am waiting for radiotherapy so cant make any plans not that I really feel well enough to fly. But must keep positive.

dragonfly46 Mon 21-Oct-19 13:49:39

Daisyboots so sorry to hear that - I hope your treatment is successful and you can catch up with the family later.

Daisyboots Mon 21-Oct-19 14:04:38

Thank you for those kind words Dragonfly46
I am sure your chemotherapy will be just fine as everyone has different treatments and react differently.

EthelJ Mon 21-Oct-19 14:18:01

Is a dedication a bit like a confirmation?
I'm very pleased you were able to see it via a video. Yes I agree technology can be great and it's much easier these days to join in things even if it is just virtually.
I hope you feel better soon granny activist

Anthea1948 Mon 21-Oct-19 14:37:28

I'm so sorry you've been ill, Grannyactivist. My life changed completely when I developed rheumatoid arthritis in my 50s. I was looking forward to doing so much when my husband and I retired and it all went to pot. I had to give up so many hopes and dreams, but in the end I learned to be glad for all the things I could still do and I found new hobbies that I could manage. I still miss long walks though, and line dancing, which I loved.