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Ladies who like to be driven to places - why?

(139 Posts)
mrsnonsmoker Fri 25-Oct-19 13:11:37

If you can drive, are you happy to? I love driving, I don't mind giving lifts at all, but I have some friends various ages 50s to late 60s who will do anything to get out of driving.

In fact one - let call her Margaret - goes even further and chooses her friends based on their willingness to drive her to places. I don't mean places she needs to go, she's not after a lift to the doctors - recently she befriended a woman as the lady offered to give her a lift home once and now she goes everywhere with her. Its not a friendship, once they arrive Margaret abandons her and goes shopping on her own. (Margaret can drive and has a car).

Is this a thing? I'm 60, should I now start saying ooh I wish I had a lift?! Sometimes my husband drives and Margaret literally explodes, she told me recently that I only stay with him as he gives me "lifts"!! She is widowed, but her late husband didn't drive so nothing has changed. She constantly talks about getting people to take her out for a "nice drive". She often arranges things, cancels last minute citing traffic and then sits back and waits for people to offer to come and get her.

Am I being unkind not understanding this?

CBBL Sat 26-Oct-19 15:07:07

Sadly, I have had Glaucoma for many years and even at 27 my eyesight was so poor that I could not read a number plate at the required distance and failed my driving test. For a couple of years now, I have no sight at all in one eye, and limited sight in the other. I would LOVE to be able to drive, and to share driving with my hubby - but it's simply not possible. I think it's an excellent skill to have, and applaud all those ladies who maintain their skills.

SparklyGrandma Sat 26-Oct-19 14:09:14

I would rather get the train or bus than use someone for lifts. I don’t drive and couldn’t do it now due to being quite sleepy due to health reasons.

I prefer to be friends with people because I like them, and to be independent!

And these days there are always taxis.

grandtanteJE65 Sat 26-Oct-19 14:01:32

I don't think you are being unkind in not understanding this attitude.

I don't understand it either. We don't have a car and go most places on our bikes or by public transport.

We do sometimes ask a friend if she is willing to drive us somewhere if it is impossible to reach using public transport or if we are buying something bulky or heavy, but we always pay for the petrol. We would never expect other people to be at our beck and call and give us lifts for nothing.

Witchypoo Sat 26-Oct-19 13:28:44

I would love to drive. Fifty years with not so much as a parking ticket. Had to stop when car failed mot. Too much to get repaired. Got a mobility scooter which is great locally. I can get to the place im going. No parking probs. Husband loved being driven about thank goodness. I really miss it but dont think i will have opportunity to dtive again. I dont expect people to take me out. My DD takes me out for lunch. Ido not go further than my town apart from that.

flaxwoven Sat 26-Oct-19 13:28:35

I would steer clear of this lady. She is just using people.
I am amazed to read how much some women like driving! I was taught by my father when I was 19 but always hated it. When my 3 children were small I drove but I was always a nervous wreck getting in the car and hopelessly indecisive at roundabouts, parking etc. After 10 years I decided not to drive any more and was nagged endlessly by my father in law and brother in law as if I had suddenly told them I was going to stop breathing. Now in my 60's and retired, I don't care what anyone thinks. There are plenty of places to go by bus, train or just walk. My husband drives everywhere and does not walk at all. I don't even like being a passenger and try to avoid lifts. Where I live it's endless traffic jams, road works, pot holes, pavement parking. I might drive again one day if it was like the TV adverts, a lovely empty road!

chris8888 Sat 26-Oct-19 13:19:00

Does she pay anythng for fuel, parking costs? Buy the driver a coffee? If not she is taking the p@@s and l would say this to her.

Mcrc Sat 26-Oct-19 13:12:38

That just sounds weird?

luckyrose62 Sat 26-Oct-19 13:07:28

Now Margaret may be on tablets how many prescriptions do say if you feel drowsy don’t drive. Sensible
I would say I prefer not to drive rather than say I am on such medication

ALANaV Sat 26-Oct-19 13:05:34

Just moved back to the uk after 21 years living in Europe all over the place ! Always drove everywhere (no choice ….no transport system !) but now, aged 72 and not having driven in the UK for all those years (visited, but used taxi or public transport) I am told I would be a danger ha ha ….those who said that are probably right ! and also, as I have various medical things that would probably need an assessment, (as well as a few driving lessons for the right hand drive car ...ha ha) I am SO tempted to buy a car ….but common sense tells me it would not be a good idea for other road users ..and me neither ! my friend says If youbuy a car I AM NOT coming anywhere with you ! that's nice isn't it grin…...I deliberately moved to a place with a bus stop outside the metro round the corner, and taxis galore …….bliss !

Anthea1948 Sat 26-Oct-19 12:58:45

I loved driving when I was younger and would drive all over the country but as I got older I began to hate it. There was no incident to cause my change of heart but by the time I developed arthritis I was relieved that I now had reason to not drive. Fortunately I have a husband who still quite enjoys driving so it's not a problem for me. At the moment he can't drive (eye problems) and I detest asking friends for lifts, although they usually offer anyway.
If I was 'Margaret' I would get rid of my car and maybe catch a bus, if that's possible, or at least keep my request to friends for lifts as limited as possible.

Summerstorm Sat 26-Oct-19 12:58:13

I think she is a very silly woman, because one day she will totally lose her confidence to drive, and she might well have also lost a lot of friends by then. I’m in my mid seventies and I’m not happy driving in Glasgow but have no problem with Edinburgh. My friends and I take turns doing what we are comfortable with

boodymum67 Sat 26-Oct-19 12:37:40

I only wish I could still drive. It`s a pain waiting for others to be able to drive me. I`m stuck in the back in my wheelchair!

mumagain Sat 26-Oct-19 12:32:43

I'm 61 . I've never driven as either I couldn't afford the lessons or the time or both. I'm happy to get buses or trains or coaches. My husband drives but has different interests to me . He will drive me to places however if I ask . I live in a village but the bus route is quite regular so I have no real problem although I have joined a couple of veterans ( I'm ex WRAF) breakfast clubs that are not easy to get to and have asked if anyone is able to give me a lift if they're near me - I willingly offer to travel if possible to somewhere easy for them - I don't expect door to door service however I've sort of given up going as I feel really guilty asking .
I really think Margaret is taking the Mickey and needs someone to say something otherwise she'll carry on thinking she can

notanan2 Sat 26-Oct-19 12:32:00

I can never understand why someone passes their driving test to not then drive? I have known many people [ usually women ] do this. Why go to all the expense of learning to drive if you don't intend to use the skill?

Why drive if you dont have to? Just for the sake of it?

Its uncomfortable and prolongued sitting is bad for your body, it is expensive and bad for the environment. Theres no harm in having the skill under your belt, and I have had jobs where is was a requirement for shortlisting even though in practice I never had to do it.

I do think that licences should have to be PROPERLY renued every few years. Passing 40yrs ago says nothing about your ability to drive now. The theory and hazard perception should be redone every 5-10yrs IMO (because everyone redoing theory wouldnt be practical)

FarNorth Sat 26-Oct-19 12:26:17

Spring, it seems you've lost the convenience of turning up and leaving when you want, whatever you do.
So why not go for the option of shared taxi?

notanan2 Sat 26-Oct-19 12:26:02

Maybe us drivers should call out other women who can but won't drive.

What the heck does this even mean??

You know there is a lot of freedom in NOT having a car! Its just an extra bill chore!

Having lived somewhere where we HAD to drive to do anything at all, we did not see it as a "freedom" and made a comscious decision to buy somewhere where you didnt need to drive when our children were young! This in turn gave the girls freedom as teens as they were not totally reliant on mum and das until they could pass their tests.

If you called me out I would call you out for your lack of imagination re people who have different priorities to you. NOT driving can equate with freedom and independance.

Im not some meek little think. I have joint issues and even getting to and from bus stops keeps me more mobile and healthy than driving everywhere!

Nannan2 Sat 26-Oct-19 11:57:00

Yes also maybe its so she can have a drink or two?

Nannan2 Sat 26-Oct-19 11:55:33

Maybe shes just a nervous driver?and has got worse since her husbands death?my DIL is a bit of a nervous driver,so wont do motorways.

Fabulous50s Sat 26-Oct-19 11:45:25

If I drive, I don’t drink even “just one small glass” at the beginning of the evening/meal. The great luxury in driving oneself is being able to leave exactly when I want to rather than at a time pre booked for say a taxi. I got sick of various friends cadging lifts “if you’re not drinking” then having to round them up tipsy and often reluctant to leave.

Mrst1405 Sat 26-Oct-19 11:45:23

I like to drive and deliberately keep my hand in. So many women 'let ' their partners drive, then loose all their confidence. I live in Spain and happily take my turn driving up to the north of England. The only bit I don't like is the M25 in a left hand drive car. I make myself do it. I know many older women who are stuck because they wont step out of their comfort zone and just get on with it. Maybe us drivers should call out other women who can but won't drive.

SueDonim Sat 26-Oct-19 11:42:30

Saggi there's no harm in giving it a try! Book a few lessons with someone you're comfortable with and see how it goes. You could also just choose to learn to drive in an automatic car, which is really simple. smile

vickya Sat 26-Oct-19 11:36:27

Saggi my mum was in her 60s when she passed her test smile. 7th time of trying! She had a car and within a year drove up to see me at university, from London to Sheffield. She was a determind woman and still driving in her 80s, but v..e..r..y slowly. She got Alzheimers and stayed at home but claimed she still drove sad

vickya Sat 26-Oct-19 11:32:08

I actually don't like driving, especially at night, as have cataracts, like another poster, but I get my eyes tested regularly to ensure I am safe to drive. And if I don't drive I can't get to see family.

EthelJ Sat 26-Oct-19 11:29:10

For various reasons I have never learnt to drive. But I'm happy to travel by public transport or bus. My DH does drive but I don't like to be dependent on him or anyone. Of course it is nice to be offered a lift but I never expect it.

vickya Sat 26-Oct-19 11:29:09

Lindiloo and others who said they ahve lost confidence, I had some criticism from family about my driving and I was driving grandkids so I did the Advanced Motorist course. I didn't pass but I got lots of tips and improved a lot. That was about 13 years ago and then about 5 years later I did their assessment hour, where they take you out and a tutor observes and feeds back any things you might improve. I was ok still to drive then and they suggested I might re-try and test but stuff happened and I didn't. Then about 4 years ago I did the assessment again to check my skills as still drive grandkids and want to remain safe.

It is only about £30 for an hour and the tutors are very supportive and encouraging. I would recommend it as a way to get confidence back. Or simply have a couple of ordinary lessons, of course.