Feeling adrift

There’s nothing I can add to dragonfly’s post but I just want to let you know that you are in my thoughts. Hold on tight Lucky things can only get better after such a heart rending difficult time.

It did occur to me when everybody was congratulating you on getting your OH into such a good care home, that this was far from the end of the story and I think some others who have been in a similar situation might agree.
As with a bereavement, your life as it was, has been turned upside down yet again.
And just as a bereavement is rarely the “merciful release” well meaning friends say, trying to bring comfort, you now have a massive hole in our life.
5 weeks is nothing- your own health, physical and mental, may take months to recover.
It is hard to know how to use that time, the (hopefully) unbroken nights and the feeling when you are out, that you need to be at home.
I still (nearly 2 years on) feel the urge to ring Paw to tell him I have arrived when I travel anywhere, I still find it hard to realise and accept that another half hour or hour “out” before I go home makes no difference. The radio is on permanently as I find the silence hard too.
I lived on toast and peanut butter for weeks (now I regularly add in a tin of Heinz tomato soup) so no, you are not unusual.
The irony is that while I was a full time carer I used to envy those who could drop everything for a weekend (or even a day) away, but now that I can, I find it hard to leave the comfort of home.
Take it gently and think of it like a form of convalescence for you. You’ll get there.

Lucky it is still very early days. It will take you a while to adjust but you will. Now the initial relief has worn off just take time for yourself. You have had a life changing experience and it is akin to grieving. Give yourself time and take each day as it comes.

Luckygirl when our Mother made the decision along with the hospital to put our Step-Father into a care home (vascular dementia, along with hallucinations and periods of extreme anger) she felt just as you have described.

It will take time, please have patience and be kind to yourself.
Treat yourself to a pamper session, lunch with a friend or go to the cinema (I find going to the cinema on my own a liberating and "grown up" feeling). Even just relaxing at home with a good book or "catch up tv" is a luxury after being at another's beck and call for a long time.

At one point OH was in a care home for some time while the care package was organised . I found it so tiring and nerve jangling , between visiting and wondering how he was when I wasn’t there .
I used to love the odd day when I could cook something different for myself , but once I had only myself to cater for I lived on cereals and snacks .
The house was too big and too empty but I couldn’t be bothered cleaning , so I do know something of what you feel . It takes a while to work out a new routine , and your health problems don’t help .
You need to relax , but easier said than done , I hope you can still get to Choir and things , but do take things slowly xxx

Well it's a big and sudden life changer, you've been in the role of carer for years and it had become your way of life and occupied most of your time. It's a shock to the system to be faced with all this freedom.

Don't be hard on yourself, it takes time to adjust, 5 weeks is no time really. You will eventually get on track, it just takes time.

Lucky, nothing like your experience but, after my mum went into a home, I found it very weird not to have to ring 3 times a day, cook for her freezer, take her appointments, do the thinking etc.

I thought I'd feel much more relaxed but it took ages to readjust. You did so much more so it is much more of an adjustment.

Take care!

You have done a great job ! Now relax, do things that you've always wanted to do. Catch up with friends or simply just chill. If you don't feel like cooking, get yourself a take-away. But, don't let yourself get depressed. Your husband is well looked after, I'm sure.

Sorry I haven't but wanted to respond anyway. I think any big change in life can be difficult but this must be the biggest change anyone ever has to face. You made a rational decision which has changed your life dramatically and will take a long time to deal with. Imo you are naturally depressed and must be kind to yourself. Please don't feel you 'ought' or 'should' do anything at the moment, just keep on keeping on.