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Do you love your grandchildren as much or more than your own children?

(127 Posts)
Tedber Sat 04-Jan-20 19:09:11

This was posted a couple of years ago on Gransnet. At the time the poster said she felt 'guilty' because she felt she didn't love her grandchildren as much as her own children and wondered if she was alone? The consensus at the time was, she was alone, everyone seemed to love their grandchildren equally if not more than their own children.

Again, at the time, I said I understood her as grandchildren have the influences of their other parent, but I did love my grandchildren as much as my own or so I thought!

Couple of years on and the eldest grandaughter has become quite a diva and can be very rude to her mum - something I would never have put up with from her mother. I find myself defending my daughter lol! My automatic response is to take care of my daughter!

So it got me thinking DO I love them as much or is it because it is what is expected of grandparents? I absolutely adored my children. Sometimes my grandchildren get on my nerves with all their various demands! They all have so much and yet still moan like mad. But of course I can't say too much. (still love them but do I love them as much as I loved my own?...)

Not a big issue really - just interested to hear what other people feel.

Tedber Sat 04-Jan-20 20:32:19

Me neither SueDonim bahaha.... BUT maybe just people talking...trying to make out things they didn't really feel? Perhaps? My grandkids annoy the heck out of me at times! Demanding little so and so's..... But I am mindful that times have moved on... ipads rule! What got me was how RUDE my eldest daughter is to her mum! I listened to it and thought enough's enough lady! So I laid into her and she started crying and saying things like - "you don't love me anyway". (not true have always loved her) BUT then I thought to myself...I love your mum more though! and she is MY priority so it is what got me thinking..... Do I LOVE my grandchildren more than my children and the answer is no I don't! Which got me thinking of that original post hahaha...Stupid I know!

Doodle Sat 04-Jan-20 20:50:21

I love them all the same I think just in different ways. Each one is unique and loved uniquely.

BlueSky Sat 04-Jan-20 20:51:07

Looks as if I'm the only one on here to love my grandchildren more than anybody or anything! Maybe it will last till they are youngsters, then I will reverse to my children and DH. Now then do you love your children or spouse/partner more? confused

kircubbin2000 Sat 04-Jan-20 20:54:11

I feel a bit guilty about my middle son. He was always good, never in trouble but I have just realised he misses most family occasions because he goes to his wife's family every time.

Sara65 Sat 04-Jan-20 20:55:36

No not stupid, but definitely interesting.
My grandchildren are not my world, I love them all but the oldest one I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen for more than a year, we text occasionally, but I accept it for what it is.
The next one I suspect will soon go the same way, he gets dragged down for family visits, and it’s great to see him, and he’s lovely, but would clearly prefer to be somewhere else, and of course, everything about the countryside is so dull!

Sara65 Sat 04-Jan-20 20:56:58

Bluesky

Now you’re opening a can of worms!

Tedber Sat 04-Jan-20 21:00:50

Silly really bluesky Nobody is saying you are wrong to love your grandchildren more. Just asking who feels like this?

kircubbin2000 ERM? Are you on the right thread???

sodapop Sat 04-Jan-20 21:02:11

Love my children and their children, but they are not the centre of my world.

Hetty58 Sat 04-Jan-20 21:09:24

I don't think that you can compare love. It's a different feeling for each person I love. My children and grandchildren have never been the centre of my world though. I think that's unhealthy. Everyone should have their own independent life and interests.

I knew a woman who absolutely doted on her kids and gave them her undivided attention - always, to the point of rudely ignoring the adults around her. She lost friends (including me) and her husband left. The kids treated her like a servant and it was just too painful to watch. When she had grandchildren, she extended the suffocating love to them, too!

Scentia Sat 04-Jan-20 21:36:21

I think you either love someone or you don’t.

All the love I have is shared equally between, my DS-DD-DH-DGS-DSiL-DDiL
That is it, I judge love by how I would feel if they weren’t in my life and apart from the above my life would not feel much different without them but if I lost one of the above my life would never be the same.

I don’t think there is a different kind of love, I think it either is love or it isn’t

ginny Sat 04-Jan-20 21:41:24

Hetty58 just because you children and grandchildren or any other family are the centre of ones world it doesn’t mean one has no other life. I certainly have but those close to me will always be foremost.

TrendyNannie6 Sat 04-Jan-20 21:46:03

I love my children more but I’d say it’s a different kind of love for my grandchildren

BlueSky Sat 04-Jan-20 21:52:32

I do feel a bit guilty for loving my GC more than my own DC and DH and I wouldn't want them to know this!

Sara65 Sat 04-Jan-20 21:53:04

I think you can be a little bit more objective about your grandchildren, with your children love for them sometimes makes you irrational.

Tedber Sat 04-Jan-20 21:58:56

Bluesky Please DON'T feel guilty! The original poster (a few years ago) felt guilty about loving her children more than her grandchildren! I just remember she was made to feel she was wrong! or if not wrong certainly in the minority.

Absolutely nothing wrong in how you feel!

BlueSky Sat 04-Jan-20 22:03:49

Thanks Tedber thanks

mande Sat 04-Jan-20 22:16:37

I love my grandchildren more than my own children. I do so much for my children and often find they take me for granted. As adults I think they should know better. My grandchildren take me for granted too but I forgive them because they are children. It’ll probably change as they get older, though. I’m just so glad and grateful that I have them all so I don’t worry about loving one more than the other!

Bridgeit Sat 04-Jan-20 22:20:52

I don’t think the love is less or more , it’s just different.

Anniebach Sat 04-Jan-20 22:22:54

i don’t know.

BlueBelle Sat 04-Jan-20 22:30:16

Oh gosh I can’t measure love I love them all equally BUT I m closer to some than others and that is simply geographical I can’t know or be as close with grandkids I see every five or six years as others I know all the ups and downs about and see on a weekly basis
I certainly don’t love my grandkids more than my kids but I truly don’t think you can measure it as an ounce for you but two ounces for you, no, love doesn’t work like that at all
So personally I think it’s an impossible question with a more impossible answer

Namsnanny Sat 04-Jan-20 22:31:35

Same here GrannyLainesmile

If someone tries or does hurt my adult children I find it hard not to intervene.

But who would you save from drowning if you could only save one? The baby gchild, the toddler their Mum, or Dad. Difficult isn't it?

Sara65 Sat 04-Jan-20 22:42:36

Namsbanny

I can’t even bear to think about that one, well I can’t swim so I wouldn’t stand much chance of saving anyone.

But seriously, I’d probably be so indecisive, that they would all drown, how could you make that choice.

Scentia Sat 04-Jan-20 22:46:01

But who would you save from drowning if you could only save one? The baby gchild, the toddler their Mum, or Dad. Difficult isn't it?

I would save who I got to first, that doesn’t measure my love for anyone. If I could only save one I would but that would not mean that I didn’t love the one I didn’t save any less it just means I was put in an impossible situation.

Namsnanny Sat 04-Jan-20 22:48:13

ginny* ...I agree with your post today 21.41!!

I haven't seen enough of my gchildren to be irritated by them!
TBH though, the adults seem more selfish than the children ever do!
They want to talk incessantly about boring gossip or what they've bought/seen/done etc.,
The gchildren just want to play and romps about!!

Which certainly makes them better company. The children seem more honest and genuine too, so I do value any time I have spent with them.

Namsnanny Sat 04-Jan-20 22:54:07

Yes Sara65 … It is unbearable to even mention, sorry!
I couldn't answer in all honesty, it would be a reflex action on my part.