Gransnet forums


Do you love your grandchildren as much or more than your own children?

(126 Posts)
Tedber Sat 04-Jan-20 19:09:11

This was posted a couple of years ago on Gransnet. At the time the poster said she felt 'guilty' because she felt she didn't love her grandchildren as much as her own children and wondered if she was alone? The consensus at the time was, she was alone, everyone seemed to love their grandchildren equally if not more than their own children.

Again, at the time, I said I understood her as grandchildren have the influences of their other parent, but I did love my grandchildren as much as my own or so I thought!

Couple of years on and the eldest grandaughter has become quite a diva and can be very rude to her mum - something I would never have put up with from her mother. I find myself defending my daughter lol! My automatic response is to take care of my daughter!

So it got me thinking DO I love them as much or is it because it is what is expected of grandparents? I absolutely adored my children. Sometimes my grandchildren get on my nerves with all their various demands! They all have so much and yet still moan like mad. But of course I can't say too much. (still love them but do I love them as much as I loved my own?...)

Not a big issue really - just interested to hear what other people feel.

Madgran77 Sat 04-Jan-20 19:14:06

To me its just a different type of love

ginny Sat 04-Jan-20 19:16:07

I’m not sure you can quantify love. There are so many ‘ kinds’.
I do know that all my family are at the centre of my world.

Happygirl79 Sat 04-Jan-20 19:20:20

My own children claim more of my love I'm afraid to be totally honest
Always will
Not to say I don't love my grandchildren!

MissAdventure Sat 04-Jan-20 19:26:19

My daughter was the apple of my eye.
My grandchildren I love because they are hers.

Tedber Sat 04-Jan-20 19:30:09

Already...much different responses to the original poster who was told the 'grandchildren' were the most important people in their lives. I wish I knew who she was! Maybe if she is still on Gransnet she will take heart eh?

GrannyLaine Sat 04-Jan-20 19:31:16

Surely a bit like asking if I love my husband or my children more? I love them all differently.

Oopsminty Sat 04-Jan-20 19:32:56

Got to agree with everyone

Different type of love

Sara65 Sat 04-Jan-20 19:37:17

This is interesting, I also think it’s tricky because we love all our children equally, but not necessarily our grandchildren. I think it maybe to do with seeing some a lot more than others, the influences of their other family members, and just feeling an incredibly strong bond with some, whereas with others it’s more difficult.

I feel very defensive towards my daughters, who in my opinion are really good mums, and my eldest granddaughter in particular, has caused my eldest daughter a lot of worry, I love her very much, but my sympathy is with my daughter.

Iam64 Sat 04-Jan-20 19:39:20

I agree, its a different kind of love somehow. I adore my grandchildren and love their mothers beyond description.

Cherrytree59 Sat 04-Jan-20 19:40:01

My love for my Children and Grandchildren is a completely unconditional no strings attached kind of love.💜

There seems to be some sort of connection that runs from me through my children to my grandchildren.
May be it's a shared bond.

Just to reverse it.
I had (still do) have a connection (unconditional love) to my grandparents.

BlueSky Sat 04-Jan-20 19:41:38

When I had my children I thought I could never love anybody more. Then I had grandchildren and yes they are now top of my list, with adult children and DH straight after! blush

GrandmaKT Sat 04-Jan-20 19:48:50

I'm afraid I loved my own children to distraction, and whilst I love my grandchildren, it is a different and a step removed type of love.

Chewbacca Sat 04-Jan-20 19:52:44

Same as GrandmaKT.

Yennifer Sat 04-Jan-20 19:53:28

I know I love people, I haven't compared them to each other, I just love them. I would have thought that if I were forced to I would put the people I have spent the most time with first. I think there might be a little consideration to who I needed the most. I don't know! I think love is individual because my parenting changes with each child.

Tedber Sat 04-Jan-20 19:54:33

Awww that is lovely BlueSky Being totally honest I cannot say I felt the same. When I gave birth to my first I thought I would never feel the same about another but subsequent births I did!

I was at the birth of 5 grandchildren and (don't get me wrong it was fabulous and I cried) but I didn't feel the same as I did having my own! Not exactly. I felt ELATED for my daughters, loved these little bundles but the feeling I had with my own was not there. It was just - different.

Cherrytree59 so happy for you too.

I don't want anyone to think I DON'T have a relationship with my grandchildren (have them constantly) I am just being honest in saying...not sure I love them QUITE as much as I love their mums (my daughters) smile

mokryna Sat 04-Jan-20 19:57:27

Does it depend on whether we are talking about our daughters or sons. I have only daughters and I get annoyed how my GC treat them.

SueDonim Sat 04-Jan-20 20:05:01

As people are saying, it’s a different type of love. GC I suppose inspire love in us because they’re our children’s children. We’d be unlikely to love them if they were our next door neighbour’s children.

My dd has said this topic has come up with some fellow mums and the consensus amongst them is that it’s creepy and intrusive and that grandparents who say their love their GC the most make their own children feel second best. I thought it was interesting to hear from the other side.

Sara65 Sat 04-Jan-20 20:10:42

I’m very close to one set of grandchildren, and I know that my husband and myself are important in their lives. But I’m not foolish enough to think that won’t change, they won’t always be so happy to be spending time with us. I hope they will always love us, and have happy memories of their childhoods, but they are not our children, and in time the bond will weaken.

Tedber Sat 04-Jan-20 20:16:49

Interesting SueDonim The original post on this was full of people saying their grandchildren were their world! An extension of their children and that they couldn't understand anyone saying they loved their own children more! OP was asking IF she was the only one who loved her own children more? Most responses were ...yes! You are! On this post it is more balanced so I hope she reads it.

Don't think it is specific to daughters mokryna I have daughters and step sons but only daughters have children which is why am speaking of their children.

quizqueen Sat 04-Jan-20 20:20:18

I definitely love my own daughters more than the grandchildren. I've had to work on loving them or even liking them sometimes. They seem to love me though so I obviously don't let it show!

Tedber Sat 04-Jan-20 20:22:26

Quzqueen grin

SueDonim Sat 04-Jan-20 20:23:32

I do recall the previous thread, Tedber although not that much of the detail. In real life, I can’t think that I know anyone who would say their GC come before their own children. Half my friends complain about their annoying grandchildren! grin

Tedber Sat 04-Jan-20 20:23:32

That is a grin quizqueen - looks more like a grimace but assure you is supposed to be a grin lol

blondenana Sat 04-Jan-20 20:23:35

I love my grandchildren and am espeially close to one of them, but i have to say i love my children more, and i don't like the way my grandchildren, well some of them. treat their parents my sons, my daughter has no children and never wanted any
Can't say i blame her